‘Nuff Said

The Human Torch has interrupted the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man’s response to a distress call to the Macroverse to demand Spider-Man to reveal his identity to them. After using his flame to force Spider-Man to unmask, Johnny is shocked to when his sister uses her invisibility powers to make Spider-Man’s face invisible.[1] Sue reminds Johnny that Spider-Man has a right to privacy. As Spider-Man puts his mask back on, Johnny insists that he used to know who Spider-Man really was but somehow can’t remember it anymore. Mister Fantastic points out how unlikely that could be saying Spider-Man doesn’t have the resources to erase every trace of his identity, particularly a seemingly ancient statue of an unmasked Spider-Man that exists in the Macroverse that started this whole argument.[2] That’s when the Thing reminds them all that they have to stop the Dreggs from sieging the Korts kingdom. Even as they fight off the Dregg invaders, Johnny refuses to let go of the fact that Spider-Man somehow erased their memories of his identity.

That’s when Patronus, the defender of the Korts arrives to help, unable to believe the five beings his people worship like gods bicker with one another. As he enters the fray, Patronus introduces himself as the being who has been cleaning up the mess left behind by the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man five lifetimes ago. Hearing this reminds Reed that he was in the middle of explaining to the rest of the team about the time dilation between the Macroverse and their own universe before Johnny started demanding Spider-Man reveal his identity. Reed explains that his original calculations were wrong, that the distortion of time between two realities shifts polarity each time they visit. This means that time is speeding along much more rapidly on Earth than Reed originally projected requiring them to get back home as soon as possible before too much time has passed. By this point, the team has driven off the Dregg invaders, but Patronus demands that the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man stay until they have fix the damage they have done to his world. Still, the passage of time really bothers Spider-Man who asks Reed how much time is passing them by. By Reed’s calculations, for every hour they spend in the Macroverse over 13 days pass in the real world.

Since the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man left for the Macroverse a number of massive changes have been going on in the lives of the people closest to Peter Parker. Harry Osborn has relapsed and began binge drinking after learning his girlfriend — Lily Hollister — was secretly the Menace. Over the next week, Carlie Cooper takes the time to help Harry sober up and start going to AA meetings. After a week of being back on the straight and narrow path, Harry thanks Carlie for being there for him when nobody else was around.[3] Meanwhile, J. Jonah Jameson has spent the week showing up at the home of his estranged wife Marla Madison demanding that she come back to him. After a series of different approaches, Jameson has run out of methods and just sits outside her home. It’s then that Marla decides that she will talk to him.[4] While at the offices of the Front Line, Norah Winters has noticed that Peter Parker hasn’t been present the past few days. That’s when Joe Robertson suggests she go for lunch with his son Randy since he is too busy to make it. Norah and Randy hit it off and a romance quickly blossoms between the pair. Norah and Randy aren’t the only ones finding romance during Peter Parker’s romance, as Jay Jameson — the father of J. Jonah Jameson — has started spending a lot of time with Peter’s Aunt May, taking her out to the movies and to dinner.[5]

Spider-Man only accounted for being gone for a few days not a whole month and insists that they return home. However, Mister Fantastic points out that they need to stop hostilities between the Dreggs and the Korts first. Deciding to trust Patronus, the heroes agree to storm the kingdom of the Dreggs. There, Patronus tells Mister Fantastic all that they need to do is get him to the royal family and leave him alone with them, unarmed, and he can end all hostilities between the two tribes. The whole time, Spider-Man and the Human Torch keep on bickering with one another.[6] Johnny points out how close the pair of them used to be, but Spider-Man says that he has to keep his identity a secret now more than ever since things have gotten so dark of late.[7] Spider-Man makes his point by explaining that he has a life outside of being Spider-Man with loved ones he needs to protect and that he needs to get back home as soon as possible.

As this is happening time continues to march onward at an accelerated rate on Earth. Ben Urich is trying desperately to reach Peter to cover the new series of mayoral debates.[8] Not long after this, Sally Floyd is asking questions at the debate between two new mayoral candidates: Walter Delcun and Martin Li.[9] The property owners of G&G Reality who have questions about why Peter is paying the rent for the apartment of Vin Gonzales since Peter isn’t named on the lease.[10] While at the offices of the DB, Dexter Bennett is told by his accountant that his business is failing, but Bennett refuses to let anyone take his paper away from him.[11] At that same time, J. Jonah Jameson is back in the dog house with Marla, after she learned that he was only trying to get their marriage back on track because it was one of the conditions of his financial backers who are trying to help him get the Daily Bugle back. Peter also misses Flash Thompson who ended up winning the gold in a wheelchair race.[12] Ther’re cheering him on is Betty Brant, who tells him Peter couldn’t make it because something must have come up. Things between Aunt May and Jay Jameson have also become more serious and she has been trying to get Peter to come over so she can finally introduce him to Jay. Jay assures May that they’ll meet eventually, saying that he’s not going anywhere. Lastly, Mary Jane tries calling Peter, but she doesn’t end up getting to leave a message because by this point his voice mail is full.

By this time, the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man have fought their way to the Dregg throneroom where Patronus addresses the royal family. He explains how some time ago they attempted to make peace by having their princess — J’Tal — to have an arranged marriage with the leader of the Korts, but the princess was later kidnapped by a foolish warrior who was later helped by the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man leading to the continues war. However, Patronus reveals that the princess did eventually make it to her arranged husband and their marriage was consummated. To prove this, Patronus removes his helmet revealing that he is part Kort and part Dregg. When they ask why Petronus wears a mask he explains that the Kort fear the Dreggs and hence he kept his true heritage a secret. The Dregg royal family understands and agrees to cease all hostility against the Kort. On the way back, the Fantastic Four draw parallels between Spider-Man and Patronus’ desires to keep their identities as secret. Mister Fantastic has at least correctly deduced that whatever Spider-Man has accomplished to make people forget, it has also created a psychic blindspot that prevents anyone from connecting the existing evidence that can reveal Spider-Man’s secret identity. Spider-Man admits this much and explains that the only way anyone can learn his identity now is if he is unmasked. For those who previously knew his secret identity would instantly remember it again. When the Fantastic Four suggest Spider-Man tell them who he is again, Spider-Man points out a number of reasons why he won’t do it now, pointing out all the times heroes who previously knew his identity was compromised, saying it puts him at risk.[13]

Johnny makes of point of saying that the Fantastic Four are more than friends to Spider-Man, as they consider him as part of the family. Reed then suggests getting some readings on how Spider-Man’s blind spots work so that he can come up with a means to make sure that the Fantastic Four can “forget” Spider-Man’s identity whenever necessary to prevent others from knowing who he is through them. Spider-Man decides to accept this risk and takes off his mask. The moment they see his face, the Fantastic Four immediately remember that Spider-Man is Peter Parker and they welcome back into the family. When they finally return to Earth, Reed estimates that they have been gone for at least two months.[14] Realizing how long he has been gone, Spider-Man quickly rushes off to do whatever damage control on his private life.

As Spider-Man races home worrying what happened to his apartment while he was gone his spider-sense begins going crazy causing him to crash into a lamp post. Pulling himself off the ground, Spider-Man is drawn to a crowd watching the results of the mayoral election coming in on a massive big screen in Times Square. Spider-Man is horrified to discover that J. Jonah Jameson had just won and is now the mayor of New York City.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Fantastic Four (Mister Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, Thing), Harry Osborn, Carlie Cooper, J. Jonah Jameson, Marla Madison, Joe Robertson, Norah Winters, Randy Robertson, Aunt May, Jay Jameson, Flash Thompson, Betty Brant, Sally Floyd, Walter Delcun, Martin Li, Dexter Bennett, (voice only) Ben Urich, Mary Jane Watson

Continuity Notes

1. At one point, the Fantastic Four knew Spider-Man’s secret identity when Peter Parker revealed it to them in Spider-Man/Human Torch #5. This all changed when Mephisto altered reality in Amazing Spider-Man #545 to make virtually everyone who knew Peter Parker’s double identity to forget.

2. Spider-Man doesn’t have those resources, but Doctor Strange does. In the altered reality created by Mephisto, as revealed in Amazing Spider-Man #641, Doctor Strange used his magic to erase all trace of Spider-Man’s identity.

3. Harry was dating Lily Hollister since Amazing Spider-Man #545. He had only recently discovered Lily was the Menace in Amazing Spider-Man #586. Worse, he learned that Lily has gone to his father in Amazing Spider-Man Extra #3. He fell off the wagon the last issue. What’s interesting here is that Harry is relapsed and started heavily drinking when Harry’s addiction struggles were with drugs (as revealed in Amazing Spider-Man #96-99). I suppose showing Harry binge drinking instead of doing drugs again was an editorial decision.

4. The marriage of J. Jonah Jameson and Marla Madison has been on the rocks since Amazing Spider-Man #546 after Jonah suffered a heart attack. In the following issue, Marla sold Jonah’s shares of the Daily Bugle to Dexter Bennett. When Jonah was finally released from the hospital, Marla had intentionally left him knowing he’d be angry, as we saw in Amazing Spider-Man #558. It’s interesting that Jonah is begging for Marla to take him back since when we last saw the two together in Amazing Spider-Man #579 he was in the process of divorcing her, something that Marla wasn’t going to fight.

5. Jay Jameson had recently returned to New York after an extended absence in Amazing Spider-Man #578. A chance encounter with Betty Brant in Amazing Spider-Man #583 ended up with Jay getting May Parker’s phone number as Betty figured he and May would have a lot in common.

6. Spider-Man points out that they used to be fifteen when they used to team-up together. Actually, Johnny is about a year older than Peter. Civil War #2, Peter Parker says he was fifteen when he became Spider-Man in Amazing Fantasy #15. According to Human Torch (vol. 2) #1, Johnny Storm was sixteen when he got his powers in Fantastic Four #1. The pair first met in Amazing Spider-Man #1, but the two didn’t actually end up team-up together for the first time until Strange Tales Annual #2. In case you’re wondering per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616, Peter and Johnny are roughly 27 and 28 respectively.

7. Spider-Man’s desire to keep his identity secret because the world is a darker place is quite complicated. The facts:

   • Spider-Man publicly revealed his identity in Civil War #2 to show his support of the Super-Human Registration Act. However, he rescinded his support in Amazing Spider-Man #535, making Peter Parker an outlaw on top of Spider-Man.

   • The Kingpin used the knowledge of Peter Parker’s identity to target his family, resulting in his Aunt May being shot in Amazing Spider-Man #538, leaving her on life support with no chance of survival.

   • This led to Spider-Man’s deal with Mephisto in Amazing Spider-Man #545 which saved Aunt May’s life. Another part of the deal was that Spider-Man’s identity becomes secret again. However, this came at the cost of his marriage no longer existing.

   • In the altered reality created by Mephisto — as revealed in Amazing Spider-Man #638-641 — May survived by some miracle and eventually recovered. Meanwhile, Spider-Man went to Doctor Strange to erase the knowledge of his identity from the world. This erased virtually everyone’s knowledge that Peter Parker was secretly Spider-Man. The only person who still knows Peter Parker is Spider-Man is Mary Jane.

   • As for the world becoming darker, Spider-Man is referring to how Norman Osborn became the head of SHIELD (renaming it HAMMER) after he killed Queen Veranke the leader of a Skrull invasion of Earth in Secret Invasion #8.

8. Peter is depicted as having an old answering machine to take his missed calls. With the common usage of cell phones and voice mail, these types of answering machines are pretty much obsolete. They are only ever used as an exposition device in entertainment these days. It’s usage here should be considered topical.

9. Sally mentions how New Yorkers are disenfranchised after BIll Hollister was forced to resign the night he was elected mayor. Bill Hollister, New York District Attorney, was running for mayor of New York. In Amazing Spider-Man #584-588. He won the election but had to resign right away after his daughter was revealed to be the villain known as Menace, who had been terrorizing Bill Hollister and his opponents since Amazing Spider-Man #549.

10. Vin Gonzales had been having trouble paying the rent on his apartment and on the advice of Carlie Cooper in Amazing Spider-Man #556 he agreed to take Peter on as a roommate. Peter moved in Amazing Spider-Man #561. After Ana Kravinoff mistook Vin for Spider-Man in Amazing Spider-Man #565-567, he was convinced by his fellow NYPD officers into being part of their attempts to frame Spider-Man for murder (as revealed in Amazing Spider-Man Extra #3). It was also during Amazing Spider-Man #584-588 that this conspiracy was exposed and Vin agreed to reveal who was part of the conspiracy and has since been put under witness protection.

11. Dexter Bennett bought the Daily Bugle in Amazing Spider-Man #547, which was around the same time that bodies were turning up with spider-tracers planted on them. Bennett used his newspaper to publicly accuse Spider-Man of being the spider-tracer killer. An assertion that has since been discredited — again — because of the events of Amazing Spider-Man #584-588.

12. Flash lost his legs saving one of his fellow soldiers from a combat zone while on a tour of duty in the Middle East as seen in Amazing Spider-Man #574.

13. Spider-Man mentions a number of times various superheroes were compromised as examples:

    • He refers to all the time various members of the Fantastic Four were taken control of a member of the Fantastic Four. Spider-Man is exaggerating all the times this has happened it’s actually been only a few times. At this point, the Puppet Master has taken possession of members of the Fantastic Four only a handful of times. There was the Thing in Fantastic Four #8 and Strange Tales #116. He then took control of the entire team in Fantastic Four #236. All his other battles with the Fantastic Four the Puppet Master took possession of others and not members of the FF>

    • He mentions how he previously revealed his identity to the Avengers. Specifically, he is referring to the New Avengers, who learned Peter’s identity in New Avengers #1. Spider-Man points out that at the time the woman everyone thought was Spider-Woman was actually a Skrull. Veranke was the queen of the Skrulls who took Spider-Woman’s place as part of a complex scheme to invade Earth. This was revealed in Secret Invasion #1-8. Veranke took Spider-Woman’s place prior to the formation of the New Avengers circa Giant-Size Spider-Woman #1.

    • Another incident Spider-Man mentions is the time that Wolverine was possessed by Hydra. That happened in Wolverine (vol. 3) #20-25.

    • Spider-Man also fears Purple Man possessing Luke Cage again. Spider-Man saw this happened in New Avengers #1.

14. There are two passing comments made by the members of the Fantastic Four that bare mention here:

    • Johnny quips that his TiVo is probably full. TiVo was one of the leaders in digital video recorders in the late 90s and early 2000s. They were quite ubiquitous at the time. However, as time has moved on and advances in digital media recording, storage, and streaming video, TiVo is no longer the revolutionary product it used to be. It’s a reference here that should be considered topical.

    • The Thing mentions how he should check in on Debbie. He is referring to Debbie Green, whom the Thing was dating at the time of this story. Their relationship lasted from Fantastic Four #554 to 569.