Something Old

Someplace. Sometime.[1]

Mephisto has offered Peter Parker the chance to save the life of his Aunt May.[2] However, in exchange for this intervention, Mephisto wants to make it so Peter and Mary Jane were never married. Mary Jane whispers in Mephisto’s ear and tells him that Peter will only go along with this if she does and has the devil promise her that he won’t interfere in Peter’s life ever again after this. Mephisto smiles and agrees to these terms, telling Mary Jane that as far as he is concerned this moment never happened.[3]

Now

Mary Jane has made a surprise visit at Peter Parker’s apartment, bringing a bottle of wine with her. Peter is surprised that she would come over unannounced especially since Mary Jane has been distant since she returned to New York.[4] However, Mary Jane decided to break the ice since Peter has been trough a rough time recently, plus they need to talk about how their relationship ended.[5] Peter admits that they need to talk because there are still scars left from their relationship, something Mary Jane also feels as well. Peter is glad that he’s not alone in feeling like this and Mary Jane admits that she still wants to be part of Peter’s life even though they aren’t together anymore.

He then asks Mary Jane if she has any regrets about not getting married. Mary Jane admits that she wonders what it would have been like had they did get married.[6] The pair then reflect back on how things fell apart….

Several Years Ago…[7]

It is days before his wedding, Spider-Man is web-slinging across town when he happens upon the police attempting to stop a heist being run by Electro. Spider-Man swings in to lend a hand webbing up one of his men and tying him to a lamp post. During the course of the battle, Electro puts the lives of innocent people at risk, forcing Spider-Man to save them and leaving himself open to attack. However, the wall-crawler ultimately defeats Electro by tossing a manhole cover at a fire hydrant. Upon impact, the fire hydrant breaks open and sprays Electro with water, short-circuiting his powers and knocking the villain out.

One of the crooks is a guy named Eddie Muerte gets webbed to a lamp post. When the battle is over, Eddie is cut down and hauled into a squad car. As he’s being placed inside he takes note of the name of the arresting officer, whose name is Hepburn. He vows to get revenge on both Hepburn and Spider-Man. After the web-slinger takes off, Eddie is startled by a red pigeon that flies into the squadcar. After perching on the steering wheel this crimson colored bird examines Eddie for a moment before leaping down and hitting the unlock button on the driver side door. Eddie can hardly believe the bird unlocked the door and he slips away while the police are occupied containing Electro.

Later, Peter drops Mary Jane home she reminds him that they have to pick up their marriage license the next day. Peter then returns home where he spends the rest of the early hours of the morning looking at the photo of Gwen.[8] Peter is roused by a phone call at 9 am from Mary Jane who is excited to tell him about the beautiful wedding gown that was gifted to her by the fashion designer. She is excited for their upcoming wedding, but Peter is reluctant to share in her excitement.

By this time, Eddie has gone down to Josie’s Bar in Midtown Manhattan. There an informant gives him the address of Thomas Hepburn so Eddie can get revenge. Eddie thanks the man for providing the info and being able to get out his handcuffs. The man tells Eddie that he provided assistance in exchange for his employer keeping Eddie on retainer for future services. Eddie agrees to these terms and the man tells him that they’ll be in touch.

Later when he is sitting down for dinner with Mary Jane, Peter tries to call off the wedding, but she interrupts him to show a picture of her wedding dress. When she asks Peter what he wanted to talk about, she loses his nerve and tells her that Flash wants to throw a bachelor party for him.[9] Mary Jane is happy to hear it because her friends are throwing a party for her as well. Peter's bachelor party is a tame affair at the Coffee Bean drinking champagne with Harry Osborn and Flash Thompson. Peter takes this opportunity to express his doubts about getting married, but when Thompson asks if Parker loves Mary Jane, he says he does. Thompson says the issue is settled and proposes a toast.

Meanwhile, Mary Jane and her friends are throwing a party at an upscale club. The whole time the men in attendance are trying to talk Mary Jane out of getting married. Later, Peter and his friends are leaving the Coffee Bean, and he thanks them for their advice before heading home for the night. While at the nightclub, Mary Jane gets a message from Bruce giving her a final chance to rush off with him to France at 4 am that morning. Mary Jane finds herself conflicted and decides to party the night away. 

By this time, Flash and Harry have seen Peter home and the pair joke about teaching Peter about the birds and the bees. They return to the Coffee Bean where they admit that this has to have been the worst bachelor party in history. Flash can’t understand how Peter is still having doubts when he is getting married in the morning. Harry points out that Peter is about to marry one of the craziest women he has ever met and that she is going to chew him up and spit him out unless he gets his act together. At the same time, Mary Jane continues to party the night away. Her model friend, Nahlah, acts as though Mary Jane is dying tomorrow. Nahlah explains that, for all intents and puroses, she is because after Mary Jane gets married her life as a party girl are over. Nahlah admits that at lest she’ll have someone waiting for her at home every night. Mary Jane reluctantly agrees with this as she spots Spider-Man swing by.

Now

As his tea kettle starts to whistle, Peter takes a break from their recollections and admits that he did spent a lot of nights out on patrol as Spider-Man and wonders how Mary Jane put up with it for so long. Mary Jane has been silent through all of this and Peter asks if there is anything she wants to add. Pouring Peter a cup of tea she asks him if he wants one lump or two. Peter can’t help but wince at the subtext. He continues by telling Mary Jane that he never intended to hurt her and sometimes he thinks his life has been one long unending nightmare….

Then

That night, Peter has a nightmare about the wedding. In it, he is dressed in his Spider-Man costume while standing at the altar. In attendance are his Uncle Ben, as well as a bunch of Spider-Man's allies and greatest foes. When the priest asks for the ring, Flash Thompson can't find it. That's when Gwen Stacy approaches Peter with the ring. She gives Peter the ring and kisses him on the cheek. When Gwen says goodbye, she vanishes and Spider-Man begs for her to come back. When the priest asks if there are any objections to the wedding, the villains have just tied up all the other heroes and attack. Peter tells Mary Jane to run for it, but she refuses to go. When the villains rush at her, Peter Parker wakes up from his dream screaming. Peter wonders what he is thinking, fearing that all it will take is one slip-up for Mary Jane to suffer the same fate as Gwen Stacy. When he looks across his room, his eyes land on the photo of Gwen he found earlier.

Later, Peter is atop of the Brooklyn Bridge where he is torn by his old feelings for Gwen Stacy and wonders what he should do. That’s he hears gunshots, triggering his spider-sense. This is Eddie Muerte who is trying to kill Officer Hepburn. He has chased the police officer up onto the roof of his apartment building. Thomas’ wife Jill comes up to help, putting her in Muerte’s sights. Luckily, Spider-Man is there to swing in and disarms Eddie. He recognizes the thug from earlier before telling the Hepburns to run for it. While Spider-Man is distracted, Eddie hits him in the side of the head with a cinder block and then tries to make a run for it. Spider-Man gives chase and has to leap over the edge of the building when Eddie looses his footing and falls over the edge. Spider-Man swings down and saves him, but is unable to get his webbing to stick to the side of a fire escape. He turns himself and Eddie over so that, when they hit the ground, Spider-Man takes the brunt of the fall. Still, the fall knocks both men out.

The following afternoon, the guests are arriving at the church waiting for the bride and groom. That's when Bruce's red sports car pulls up. Mary Jane comes out in her wedding dress and discovers that Peter hasn't arrived yet. As Peter doesn’t show up, everyone begins to wonder where he is. J. Jonah Jameson gets a call from Ben Urich, who sends his apologies, saying that he is covering an attempted murder of a police officer and won’t be able to attend the wedding. Mary Jane begins to worry and tries to call Peter on her own phone, but he won’t answer. That’s when she overhears Harry telling Flash how he saw Peter getting cold feet and being a no-show at his own wedding. Mary Jane is furious and tells Harry to go to hell. Harry, embarrassed by this, tells Flash to put him out of his misery.

At that same moment, Eddie Muerte wakes up and thanks Spider-Man for saving his life by kicking the web-slinger. Slowly regaining his consciousness, Peter mutters for Mary Jane to wait. However, by this point, Mary Jane has left the church.

Now

At this point of the story, Peter decides that he needs another cup of tea if he’s going to continue this story. Mary Jane mirrors his sentiment and refills her wine glass.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Mary Jane Watson, Mephisto, Electro, Flash Thompson, Harry Osborn, Aunt May, Anna Watson, J. Jonah Jameson, Marla Madison, Joe Robertson, Eddie Muerte

Continuity Notes

1. These opening events occurred in Amazing Spider-Man #545.

2. Aunt May was shot by an assassin’s bullet meant for Peter in Amazing Spider-Man #538, putting her on life support with little chance for survival.

3. Mephisto doesn’t stay true to his word as he’ll interfere with Spider-Man’s life again in Spider-Man/Deadpool #5. That shouldn’t be a surprise given the fact that he is the lord of lies. However, one could assume that with reality altered, Mephisto never made this promise hence why he reneges on it later.

4. Mary Jane returned to New York to attend Aunt May and Jay Jameson’s wedding and stayed to start a job as a reality TV show host. This all was detailed in Amazing Spider-Man #600-605. It also detailed how Peter and Mary Jane broke up after Mephisto altered reality.

5. That’s putting it mildly. Peter has been run through the wringer as Spider-Man by the Kravinoff family from Amazing Spider-Man #612 until last issue.

6. Before Mephisto altered reality, Peter and Mary Jane did get married in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #21. What follows is an edited version of that story with new inserts to show how things changed post Amazing Spider-Man #545.

7. Per the Sliding Timescale the events of Amazing Spider-Man Annual #21 occurred six years prior to this story.

8. Gwen Stacy was murdered by the Green Goblin back in Amazing Spider-Man #121.

9. Flash’s arm is in a sling here because he is still recovering from injuries sustained when he was attacked by the Hobgoblin in Amazing Spider-Man #289.

Spidey Sundays Part Five

The criminals named Brain and Bull are planning on stealing Spider-Man’s new invention, a time machine. However, they are interrupted by the Green Goblin who has come to get revenge against his enemy. Seeing the helicopter as a threat, the Goblin tosses a pumpkin bomb at it, but Bull manages to grab the grenade and throw it back at the Goblin. The explosion attracts the attention of Spider-Man who spots the crook’s helicopter and decides that it can’t be anything but trouble.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Bull, Brain, Green Goblin

Continuity Notes

• Although unclear here, the universe that Bull and Brain travel to is not the Earth-616 universe which becomes clear when you see how fast and loose writer Stan Lee is with continuity, the silly plot, and not to mention how Spider-Man is self-aware of the fact that he is a comic book character. As I write this (September 2020) the reality Bull and Brain come from and the one they visit have yet to be designated a reality number.