The Private Life of Peter Parker Part One

Swinging across the city, Spider-Man spots a city worker fall out of hydraulic crane and saves his life. The worker is grateful for the rescue and finds it incredibly ironic considering mayor J. Jonah Jameson is having city crews install Spider-Cams on lamp posts to help his Anti-Spider-Man Squad keep track of the web-slinger. Spider-Man is shocked to learn that 200 new cameras are being installed on top of the 154 that were already put in last week. Luckily, the city worker is willing to show Spider-Man a map pointing out the locations of all the cameras.

Spider-Man then returns to his apartment in Alphabet City to change out of his costume and wondering what the best way to deal with the Spider-Cams would be. That’s when he notices a weird smell in the apartment and leaves his room to check out the source. He’s shocked to discover that his roommate, Michele Gonzales, has a team of painters re-decorating the living room. Peter can’t believe that she’d do this without consulting him, especially since the room is being painted in “perky periwinkle”, but both Michele and the painters caution Peter not to argue this decision as it won’t be one he’ll win. Peter is pressured into admitting that it’s a good choice and then is told he’s on the hook for half the cost. Peter reluctantly agrees to pay even though he’s short on cash, leaving him to scramble to figure out a way to earn the extra money.

Meanwhile, at the office of J. Jonah Jameson, the mayor is refusing a suggestion an idea of an endorsement deal with Teri Hillman, a reality TV show star. His assistant, Lubeck, insists that this will be good as Teri’s manager promises to keep Teri’s corporate headquarters in New York City if the mayor agrees to participate in the “I Heart Teri” event. Jonah still refuses until he’s told how many tax dollars Teri Hillman Enterprises would bring to the city, money that it desperately needs. Jonah continues to be hard pressed until Lubeck explains how this could go to fund Jonah’s Anti-Spider-Man Squad which is already operating over budget. Jonah reluctantly agrees to do it then learns the Lubeck actually arranged the press conference before getting Jameson’s permission, telling him it’s happening in 12 minutes. Jonah is furious over this, but Lubeck tells him that he was just trying to be efficient, leaving the mayor speechless. As J. Jonah Jameson holds a press conference to name Wednesday “Teri Hillman Day”, Teri’s agent, Jimmy, is trying to sell her on how good an idea this was. Hillman isn’t particularly happy to be associated with the mayor of the city, but Jimmy assures her that this will be great for the both of them.

At that moment, in the lunch room at Kearny High School, a trio of girls named Emma, Becky, and Meg are talking about the recent press conference. They all mutually agree that Teri Hillman is a bad example to young women and question the mayor’s judgement on devoting an entire day to the reality TV star. The three girls all agree that this is another sign that — in their view — society is falling apart. That’s when Meg, the popular girl in school, passes by with her friends. When her cell phone falls out of her purse. Becky picks it up and gives it back to Becky. Despite this good deed, Meg accuses Becky of trying to steal her phone. Emma and her friends then realize that they need to do something to change their status quo in school.

By this time, Peter is volunteering at the FEAST Center while also trying to find some extra work to cover the cost of the paint job at his apartment.[1] When he calls Glory Grant, she tells him that the next photo opportunity she can hire him for is when Mayor Jameson meets with Teri Hillman the next week. Peter then goes to the DB! to see if he can get some work from Dexter Bennett. Unfortunately, Bennett is still unhappy with Peter’s previous attack of conscience. However, he decides to accept any photos that Peter can bring him that make J. Jonah Jameson look bad.

Peter changes into Spider-Man and decides to swing around Union Square until the Anti-Spider-Man Squad shows up so he can make them foolish. However, when he arrives he spots a new villain calling himself Spectrum. The villain is glad to see Spider-Man since someone has to see his work. Suddenly, Spectrum vanishes in a flash of light that causes everyone in the park to suddenly change color.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Spectrum, Michele Gonzales, J. Jonah Jameson, Glory Grant, Dexter Bennett, Teri Hillman, Leila Goldberg, Meg Ridgeway, Becky, Emma,

Continuity Notes

1. Peter states that his Aunt May, who usually volunteers at FEAST, is off on her honeymoon. At the time of this story, May recently married Jay Jameson in Amazing Spider-Man #600.

2. Dexter Bennett had Peter work as a paparazzi, which Peter did willingly until he saved the life of actor Bobby Carr and his new mystery girlfriend (Mary Jane, although Peter never found out) from Paper Doll, an obsessed fan with super-powers who wanted Carr for herself. This all happened in Amazing Spider-Man #559-561

Topical References

• Peter quips that his roommate has been demonically possessed by Martha Stewart. At the time of this story, Stewart’s name was synonymous with home decoration. This should be considered topical since (a) Martha Stewart is a real life person and (b) her popularity has waned in recent years in a sea of other television home decorators.

• The price of re-painting the living room of Peter and Michele’s apartment is $1200 in 2009 money. This amount should be considered topical considering inflation, and the fact that everything in New York City is fucking expensive the cost of such would would go up. For example, looking up the average cost at the time of writing (August 2020) it would cost a little over $1700 to hire professional painters to paint a room in NYC.

• Another issue that the girls think point to the downfall of society is the 2007 Transformers movie, which received mixed reviews when it first came out and mostly criticized for the creative choices made by director Michael Bay. I shouldn’t have to tell you this is a dated reference because that movie spawned a franchise that’s already spawned six sequels.