Preface: The Halloween movies suffer from a series of retcons, reboots, remakes, and retreads, so for the sake of clarity when I’m shitting on Doctor Loomis, I am talking about the version of the character that appeared in the first six Halloween movies (well, except Halloween III, which on its own is a work of perfection) We’re not touching anything past Halloween: Curse of Michael Myers since that was Donald Pleasance’s final role before his death. Let’s get into it, shall we?

It’s October and as we get closer to Halloween people are binge-watching horror movies like crazy. I’m no exception. Like many of you out there, I decided to binge-watch the Halloween franchise. I’ll be upfront and say that I’m not really a fan of this franchise, never have been. I’m more of a Freddy guy. I can appreciate that Halloween kick-started the slasher boom and John Carpenter’s original film is a classic in its own right. However, I didn’t really get into these movies when they first came out. My first exposure to Halloween was the awful 6th installment The Curse of Michael Myers when it first came out on video. You can also chalk up my lack of interest in having previously watched a bunch of other franchises that were more of a spectacle than the Halloween movies. Let’s face it, these movies are tamer than your Nightmare on Elm Streets and your Friday the 13ths and so on. I never enjoyed that progression from the shape stalking around Haddonfield in 1978 and up to Jason Voorhees literally punching the head off a guy 1989. I’m the same way with a lot of late 70s early 80s slasher movies. Sorry-not-sorry.

That said, watching these movies, one thing becomes totally clear to me, Doctor Samuel Loomis (played by the late Donald Pleasance) was terrible at his job. How this guy continues to be a licensed psychiatrist is baffling. Let’s break down his missteps by movie….

He’s Terrible at Stakeouts

In the first Halloween film, Doctor Loomis rushes to the town of Haddonfield after Michael Myers escaped from the institution. His first task was finding the local sheriff and convincing him that Myers is a legitimate threat. He stresses that he as been treating Myers for fifteen years and that he is an expert on the guy. After checking out the Myers house, Loomis spends most of the movie standing in the bushes in the vein hope that Michael might return home.

After standing there for hours while the cops look around for signs of the escaped lunatic. At no point during this whole stakeout does Loomis suggest alerting the public that there is a killer on the loose. That seems like a really important thing to do. While Loomis is lurking in the bushes whisper-shouting at annoying 70s children Myers kills three people.

The real kicker here is that he only decides to sweep the neighborhood when he finally turns around and looks across the street where the car that Myers stole has been parked the entire time he’s been there. It’s only then that Loomis decides to go walking around the neighborhood looking for Myers.

I’m no expert, but maybe he should have had this sense of dread fueled urgency when he first arrived in town?

Also, for a self-proclaimed expert on the killer, you’d think Loomis would have had some better ideas than “stand outside the guys old house” especially after he’d already been there.

For someone who is concerned that innocent people will get killed he sure seems unconcerned about public safety while the killer is literally prowling the town.

He then meanders around the neighborhood and only jumps into action when two children come running out of a house screaming bloody murder. That’s when he finally confronts Michael Myers and shoots him six times (something he won’t let you forget, might I add)

Which brings us to our next point….

His Hysterics Leads to a Fatal Car Accident

Halloween II picks up right after the first film with Loomis discovering that Michael not only survived being shot SIX! TIMES! but also managed to disappear into the night. This leads to a frantic search for Myers with the police. It’s almost as if Loomis is making up for his earlier lack of action. The whole time he’s running around shrieking about how he shot Michael SIX! TIMES! and waving his gun around like he’s one of his own patients.

Let’s break this scene down for a minute: While in a state of panic, Loomis sees a guy wearing a similar Halloween mask that Myers was wearing. Without even thinking about the situation he then tries to shoot this person. At least the sheriff has the good sense to stop Sam from opening fire on an innocent citizen.

The commotion distracts this person that he doesn’t look both ways before crossing the street. This guy gets hit by a police car which then slams him into the side of a van. There is then an explosion that immolates the person before they are identified.

After this tragic accident, Loomis suddenly doubts this was actually Michael Myers. Which is such a quick 360 you’d have to wonder how he didn’t give himself whiplash. What’s really troubling about all of this is the only emotion Loomis displays is facepalming himself like he’s a Star Trek meme.

The whole time, Loomis doesn’t seem the least bit troubled by the fact that this innocent teenager got killed, even when the corpse is identified. I have to add that the were only able to identify the body through its dental records because it was burned beyond recognition. I know psychiatrists are supposed to have clinical detachment and all, but this is ridiculous.

Also, and this is more indicative of how shitty the people in Haddonfield are, nobody else seems the least bit concerned that Sam’s hysteria led to the death of an innocent person. Nobody is the least bit upset! In fact, later, when Nurse Chambers comes to rein Loomis in, he tells her that the governor doesn’t want Loomis to cause a panic. Let’s take some stock here: He’s been running around a neighborhood screaming how he shot someone SIX! TIMES!, caused a fatal car accident that killed a kid, and ranted and raved about the psycho killer on the loose in front of a news crew. Yet the only person who has been losing his shit is Loomis himself. Everyone else is wandering around Haddonfield intentionally ignoring the very exposition laden radio reports on their boomboxes. I don’t think they need to worry about the public getting into a panic.

Seriously, Who Let Him Have a Gun?

It’s on the car ride out of Haddonfield that Sam Loomis is told a bombshell revelation: Michael Myers is actually the older brother of Laurie Strode, the girl who survived Michael’s evening of murder. Why Nurse Chambers neglects to tell the police this particular fact is yet more proof that everyone in this movie is terrible at their job.

Anyway, Loomis decides that he has to be the hero of the day and pulls a gun on the state trooper who is driving them back. When the cop balks at his threat, Loomis fires a warning shot. Loomis then points the gun at the passenger window and fires a shot. He does this inches away from Nurse Chamber’s face.

I don’t profess to be an expert on firearms, but firing one within inches of an unsuspecting person’s face is probably not a good idea. He’s probably caused damage to her hearing at the very least. Let’s also not forget how these firearm offenses are happening in front of a police officer who is also, technically, being held hostage.

On top of this, on top of all of this, nobody thinks to radio the authorities to tell them that Michael Myers is probably going to the hospital where his intended victim is being treated.

Things don’t get any better when Loomis gets to the hospital…

Loomis Blows Up Part of a Hospital

During the film’s climax, Loomis tries to shoot Myers and his gun misfires and gets his ass stabbed. I suppose that’s karma for shouting about shooting Michael SIX! TIMES! all movie. Laurie manages to shoot Myers in the eyes. Thinking this isn’t enough to stop the killer, Loomis then turns on the gas in the operating room where this is all taking place and after Laurie gets to safety he blows up the operating room in an attempt to kill Michael Myers, immolating himself in the process.

I need to point out that, although he somehow manages getting shot through his eyeballs, Myers is blind and can’t see fuck all. Yet our “hero”, Doctor Loomis, decides that the rational thing to do is blow up the operating room with no regard to the fact that there are other patients in the hospital. They even established earlier in the movie that this hospital has a natal ward full of babies. All of these people have to be evacuated Loomis, you fucking maniac.

In a just world, this would have been the end of Doctor Loomis, but of course, they wanted to squeeze every last penny out of the franchise. By the time the fourth film in the series came around they decided to conveniently ignore that neither Sam or Michael could have survived such a massive explosion (and Michael being blind and probably suffering serious brain damage after getting two bullets into his brain) and both characters return.

But we’ll get into this and more examples of why Samuel Loomis sucks at his job in Part 2, which will be out sometime between now and Halloween.