The Replacement Thor, Part 2: W.W.T.D.?

Hercules and Zeus have been tricked by Malekith the Accursed. Disguised as Thor, Herc has gone to Svartalfheim to stop Queen Alflyse, Malekith (disguised as Balder the Brave) convinced Hercules is amassing powerful weapons against all of Asgard. However, Hercules and the young Zeus have stumbled upon an army of trolls upon their arrival.[1][2] Hercules tries to flee the battle so he can focus on Alflyse, much to the annoyance of Zeus who believes god’s shouldn’t run from battle. However, mention of the Dark Elf Queen makes the Trolls realize that they have a common goal and they soon band together.

As they venture deeper into Svartelfheim, the leader of the Trolls explains that Queen Alflyse seeks to conquer Midgard. While this was something the Trolls would have gladly joined, they have learned that Alflyse intends to enslave them. This was told to them by their brother, Ulik before he was captured again. Little do they know that this was Malekith in disguise. Malekith watches eagerly through a magic mirror, gloating over how easily he was able to pull one over on both Hercules and the Trolls.

That’s when they are attacked by a horde of giant spiders. With Trolls dying left and right, both Herc and Zeus and the leaders of the Trolls sneak out of the forest thinking the other would perish. When they catch each other on the other side of the forest, another fight breaks out over this duplicity. “Thor” orders Zeus to have the clouds part as — after watching The Hobbit — Herc believes that sunlight will turn the Trolls into stone. When this doesn’t work, Herc is forced to fight and easily trounces the the Trolls.

That’s when they are confronted by the armies of Queen Alflyse. Hercules uses his fight with the Trolls to trick her into thinking that he had stopped the invaders from attacking her kingdom. When Alflyse removes her helmet to thank them, both Herc and Zeus are once again floored by how attractive she is. She offers them a reward for saving her kingdom and invites them back to the castle. Along the way, “Thor” asks her what he intentions are for Midgard. While she tells him that she actually has no intention of any acts of aggression to the world of mortals. When Herc asks for proof of her intentions, she instead wants to test him and confirm that he is actually the god of thunder like he claims he is.

“Thor” is put through three tests: The first is of strength by dropping a massive anvil on him. Herc passes this test by easily smashing the anvil. Next he is challenged to a complex, multi-platformed game of chess. Not knowing how to play, Herc scatters all the game pieces on the floor, telling Alflyse that when faced with an unwinnable scenario, one needs to change the rules. Queen Alflyse finds this tactic genius and declares him the winner again. The final test is a test of character. While “Thor” battles a group of Dark Elves, Alflyse distracts him by pulling up her dress to show off her upper thigh. This creates enough of a distraction for Herc to lose this test, however Alflyse — attracted to the “thunder god” — decides to accept the best two out of three. As Herc parties with the queen and her subjects, the local wiseman is disappointed in “Thor” because he was led to believe that the hero had some kind of dignity. When Zeus reminds Herc about their mission, he assures his father that part of his plan is to determine how wicked Alflyse really is. He then carries the Queen up to her bedroom for the night. Annoyed with Hercules’ goofing off, Zeus goes to the royal library and reads up on Thor and the Asgardian gods.

The following morning, Hercules wakes up to a rude surprise: By sharing a bed with Alflyse, he has now become her husband. Zeus also comes to scold Hercules for acting the exact opposite of what the real Thor would do. However, this is all put on the wayside as Alflyse — tricked into thinking she is married to the real Thor — decides to conquer all of the Nine Worlds.

As their armies prepare to go to war, they are observed from afar by the Warriors Three — Fandral, Hogun, and Volstagg. They are aware that this is all the machinations of Malekith and are working to prevent the invasion. Since the Dark Elves have their own version of Thor, they are going to go into battle with their own version of Hercules… Namely Thor in disguise!

Recurring Characters

Hercules, Zeus, Malekith, Alflyse, Warriors Three (Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg), Thor

Continuity Notes

1. One of the Trolls mentions how their brother Ulik once trounced Thor in battle. A footnote here cites that is happening in Thor #414, which saves me the trouble of looking it up myself. But Ulik’s victory at the time was due to the fact that Thor was bonded to the mortal Eric Masterson and was having difficulty navigating his dual life. Hard to beat the shit out of a troll when your business is tanking and your ex-wife is suing for full custody of your kid.

2. Zeus appears as a child here. He was killed when Olympus was invaded by the Japanese god known as Amatsu-Mikaboshi in Ares #1-5. Hercules ventured to Hades to resurrect him as a in Incredible Hercules #129-131. He will remain in as a child until Incredible Hercules #141.

Topical References

• Hercules believes that sunlight will turn trolls into stone based on The Hobbit which he thought was a documentary. He claims to have watched it on the Sci-Fi Network. The Hobbit was a 1937 novel written by author J.R.R. Tolkien, which has been adapted a number of times on both film and television. At the time this story was published (2009), the most likely version Hercules would have seen was a 1977 animated film. The Sci-Fi Channel is a television station that provides nearly 24 hour programming that is focused on science fiction that began airing in 1992. It has since rebranded as SYFY in 2017. This reference would be partially topical, specifically reference to the Sci-Fi Network because it is a real world television station. References to the Hobbit would not as the story is considered classic literature. Moreover, to change the reference to a more contemporary example (if such a thing exists) would alter the joke.

• When playing the game of chess, Hercules makes multiple references to the long running science fiction series Star Trek. Originally airing from 1966-1969, the series features the crew of a star ship exploring the universe. It has had multiple spin off series and movies over the years since. This is because the chessboard here resembles the three dimensional version of chess featured in the Star Trek series. First appearing in the pilot episode of the original series title Where No Man Has Gone Before. The game has become a staple of the franchise. This wouldn’t be a topical reference because changing the reference would alter the context of the jokes made here.