The Best Defense, Part 2: Logistics

For years, Tony Stark led the world to believe that his alter-ego, Iron Man, was a separate person.[1] This was until recently, when he decided it was time to stop the charade.[2] However, this revelation has had unforeseen repercussions. Since Tony’s revelation, Undersecretary Sonny Burch has used a loophole in the law to unseal old Stark weapons designs that were classified as top secret.[3] This has resulted in private contractors building faulty weapons because Stark is the only one who knows how to install them properly.

In order to combat against this, Stark has convinced the President of the United States to appoint him as the new Secretary of Defense. This comes as a shock to Stuart Conrad, Chief of Staff. Stu only wanted to bring Tony on as a consultant, he thinks the idea of Stark becoming the Secretary of Defense is insane. However, Tony has managed to convince the President has already made up his mind and leaves for Camp David.

Stu wants to know why Tony is trying for the position, and Stark explains how Sonny Burch is using his old designs. Becoming the Secretary of Defense is a good way to stop Burch from continuing to use his old designs, which have led to injuries and even death. Stark believes his experiences as both a businessman and an Avenger have prepared for this job. When Stu points out that Stark will have to make decisions that could send soldiers to their deaths. Tony understands that it is part of the job, and he hopes that his decisions make sure more of their boys make it back home alive. When Stu asks if Tony is a Republican, Stark asks if that’s a deal breaker. Before Stu can answer, Tony suits up as Iron Man and takes off.

Meanwhile, at the Aberdeen Proving Grounds in Maryland, Sonny Burch has rolled out the latest designs pilfered from Stark’s patents. With the aid of Commander John Rayburn, he puts on a demonstration for a new type of body armor for Exnet Corporation. The armor uses liquid suspended metal fragments and a magnetic fields to make soldiers nearly impervious to harm. While the vest shrugs off bullets, as the Exnet suits are impressed. But, as they go over the designs, the vest suddenly explodes.

This was caused by a repulsor blast from Iron Man, who has arrived on the scene. He reveals that he designed the vests and that there is a design flaw that causes the armor to shake apart in a sonic blast. Stark reveals how Burch is getting ahold of Tony’s old designs, which scare off the Exnet reps. Sonny has heard about Tony’s latest plan to stop him, but figures it won’t work as Sonny’s been helping the country defend itself. With a war going on and a recession hitting the economy, nobody is going to turn down designs that will create job and keep their soldiers safe and Stark being a consultant for the Defense Department won’t stop him. That’s when Stark realizes that Stu didn’t completely fill Sonny in on Tony’s plans. Iron Man was going to drop a bombshell on Burch, but decides to let Sonny find out for himself.

Meanwhile, Press Secretary Artemus Pithins is facing pressure from the media to announce who will be the next Secretary of Defense. There is intense interest in who will take on the job after the last few candidates have gotten into trouble in the past. Watching from the sidelines are Tony Stark and Stuart Conrad. Stu really hopes nobody sees Tony is present as he is still trying to convince Stark to reconsider. Tony recognizes Pithins, who used to work public relations for Stark International back in the day.[4] When Artie gets off the stage he is reintroduced to his former boss, Tony Stark. Pithins also tries to dissuade Tony, saying that the job will have Stark running from crisis to crisis trying to put fires out. Tony however, is confident that he can deal with both the media and Congress, as he has dealt with them before.

Soon, Tony Stark has to put his money where his mouth is as Stu and Artemus run him through some test questions.. Tony keeps his cool during a barrage of questions. Tony has satisfactory answers for questions pertaining to his past heart problems, his lack of military experience, struggles with alcoholism, the recent incident at the Chinese embassy. However, when they bring up Pepper Potts, Tony suits up as Iron Man and asks them to rephrase the question.[5] Stu says these are exactly the type of questions that Tony is going to be asked about when he is up against a Congressional hearing to determine if he is fit for office. Conrad cites the case of John Tower, who ran for the position in 1989. He and Stark have a lot in common. Tony has had enough as they have been quizzing him all weekend and he has things to do. He assures them that he can keep this a secret until the official announcement.

When Tony returns to Stark Enterprise’s head office, Rumiko Fujikawa is waiting for him. She is furious that he took off again so soon after coming back from Los Vegas.[6] She demands that Tony stop keeping secrets from him. As he changes out of his armor, Tony asks Friday — his AI assistant — to review which clubs he is a member of and quit any that have any record of discriminatory practices, find a real estate agent that can get him a place in Virginia, liquidate all of his holdings in other companies and put that money in a trust, and lastly to inform the Stark Enterprise board of directors that he is selling his holdings in the company and retiring from the firm effective immediately. Hearing all of this, Rumiko tells Tony that they’re so getting divorced. Tony knows she’s joking but says he’ll check the list just to be sure they didn’t get married.

The very next day, Tony Stark is in a Presidential motorcade heading to the Pentagon for the big announcement. While he was confident this entire time, Tony is now feeling doubts. To boost Tony’s confidence, Stu Conrad recites some of the things the media said of Bobby Kennedy when his brother chose him to be the Attorney General. He says that after that, RFK was able to play the committee like a piano that the vote was virtually unanimous on all sides. However, Kennedy was able to convince people that there was something to gain by giving him his position. Stu says that if Tony can’t do that, he won’t succeed.

Tony isn’t sure what to say until he gets up on the podium. He gives an energetic speech where he promises not only will he make munitions safe for American soldiers, he will come up with non-lethal weapons. Quoting Sun Tzu, Tony says that today’s war orphans become tomorrows enemies and he intends to stop this from happening by making it so nobody dies in war ever again.

Recurring Characters

Iron Man, Artemus Pithins, Stuart Conrad, Rumiko Fujikawa, Friday, Sonny Burch, John Rayburn

Continuity Notes

1. Here we see a montage of different suits of Iron Man armor that Tony has worn over the years. They include:

   • The first suit of Iron Man armor, which was built in Tales of Suspense #39.

   • The Model 2 armor, which was the first red and gold armor, first seen in Tales of Suspense #48. We also see the variant with the “riveted” which he started wearing in Tales of Suspense #54.

   • The Model 4 armor, which was first seen in Iron Man #85.

2. Tony revealed his true identity to the world in Iron Man (vol. 3) #55.

3. Tony Stark has been out of the weapons game since Iron Man #42. Sonny Burch began unsealing old designs last issue.

4. Artie Pithens was first depicted as a Stark employee in Iron Man #124. When the company was taken over by Stane International in Iron Man #173, Pithens resigned from his job.

5. A lot of Tony Stark’s past involvement is mentioned here. The details:

   • Tony’s heart condition: Tony’s heart was injured by shrapnel in Tales of Suspense #39. Although it was surgically repaired in Iron Man #19, he was plagued with a weak heart for years. More recently, his heart was replaced with a mechanical one in Iron Man (vol. 3) #30.

   • Military experience: Tony counters this by saying that he was a defense contractor for years during wartime. Stark Industries was in the munitions game until Iron Man #42. The war that Tony is referring to had been a topical reference for years, however, since History of the Marvel Universe #2 has identified the war as the Sin-Cong Conflict.

   • Tony’s alcoholism: Tony has had a history of alcoholism including two very public benders in Iron Man #120-128 and 167-182. During this time he hit rock bottom using his armor while drunk and spending time in a half-way house.

   • The Chinese embassy episode: Minions of Temugin implicated Tony Stark in the bombing of the Chinese Embassy in Washington, DC. Although he was a fugitive from the law for a time, Tony eventually cleared his name. See Iron Man (vol. 3) #65-69.

   • Tony’s relationship with Pepper Hogan: Tony has had feeling for Pepper since her first appearance in Tales of Suspense #45. However, he lost the chance at romance with her to Happy Hogan, who married Pepper in issue #89. Although Happy and Pepper got divorced prior Iron Man (vol. 3) #4, the two have been working on their relationship since issue #25.

6. Tony and Rumiko’s relationship has been rocky since Iron Man (vol. 3) #37. Most recently, she walked out on him in Iron Man (vol. 3) #69 because he was more concerned about Happy and Pepper during the whole Chinese Embassy fiasco. Tony went to Las Vegas in Iron Man (vol. 3) #70-72.

Topical References

• This story was written during the early days of the War on Terror and the US invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan that were in response to the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks. As such, a lot of the attitudes and depictions of the United States government are influenced by this particular point in time. While these themes are merely implied, they should be considered topical.

• The President of the United States is depicted as George W. Bush. He was President at the time this comic was originally published. This should be considered a topical reference as Bush finished two terms as President in 2009 and no longer holds this position.

• A previous candidate for Secretary of Defense is said to have lost the candidacy for appearing on Girls Gone Wild. GGW was a home video series where a bunch of douchebags go to college campuses and large celebrations, ply women with alcohol, and pressure them into exposing their breasts on camera. Created by scumbag Joe Francis in 1997, the video series was still quite popular when this comic was published. Francis and his company got into legal trouble for various issues that are too numerous to address here, but they are the upsetting trigger warning kind usually associated with sleazy porn. The company went bankrupt in 2013 and was later sold off to the Bang Brothers network, another equally sleazy porn production website. At any rate, this reference should be considered topical because this is a real world product.

• When learning that Artie Pithens is the President’s Press Secretary, Tony quips that he needs to watch more C-Span. C-Span is a television network that specifically broadcasts government proceedings. As this is a publicly funded network its reference here would not be considered topical.

• Stu makes reference to John Tower, who ran for Secretary of State in 1989 and later quotes editorials about Bobby Kennedy. Since he is referring to political history (even though it is somewhat contemporary) these references would not be considered topical.

• Also depicted in this story are then Vice-President Dick Chaney, Secretary of State Colin Powell, and a couple other guys I don’t know by name and don’t care to look up. Their appearances here are topical for the same reasons as Dubya.

• Tony invokes the name of al-Queda (misspelled al-Qaidas here), a terrorist organization that was responsible for the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the United States. Although this organization still exists today and their conflict with the US has gone on over 20 years as I write this, it will eventually become topical at some point and this will become a topical reference.