Wild Blue Yonder Pary One

At the Raft Prison, guards are preparing to deliver Carl “Crusher” Creel — aka the Absorbing Man — his meal. They make extra sure to put the right amount of drugs in the food. The head guard tells the rookie that this is necessary to keep their captive’s powers in check, as they sometimes figure out new ways to use their abilities. As if on cue, when they arrive at Creel’s cell, he smashes through the door after turning his hands into metal. By the time security is mobilized, Creel has already successfully escaped by turning into sand and letting the river wash him to the shores of Manhattan.

At that same moment, Peter Parker is trying to teach a very bored science class the importance of the periodic table. When the bell rings and the children start filing out, one of his students stays behind. The boy suggests to Peter that it would make the class a lot cooler if Peter taught something more interesting, like explaining the science behind superheroes and their powers. Peter likes the idea and thanks the student for the input. While taking the subway back home to Stark Tower he reads the newspaper and learns about the Absorbing Man’s escape from prison. Thinking how this is the type of foe that the Avengers usually tackle, Peter can hardly believe that he is now part of the prestigious team of heroes.[1] He still can’t believe he lived in Stark Tower but notes that he didn’t really have a choice after a super-powered psycho destroyed his family home.[2]

When Peter arrives on the main floor, he is a little annoyed to see Jarvis, the Avenger’s butler, spending time with his Aunt May.[3] He tries not to appear upset and leaves after Jarvis tells him that the team will be having a meeting about the Absorbing Man soon. Deciding that he needs to talk to Mary Jane about their new living arrangements he finds her talking to Wolverine. He is instantly annoyed that Logan is chatting with his wife, given his history with redheads.[4] The pair almost come to blows until Mary Jane gets between the two men, telling Peter to calm down pointing out how she could be attracted to Wolverine. Peter responds by jokingly telling her that she married him.[5]

The following morning, Peter just manages to catch the subway to Queens and is relieved that he won’t be late for work. However, he speaks too soon as the subway suddenly stops because the Absorbing Man is on the rampage on the tracks. Slipping out the emergency exit, Peter changes into Spider-Man and tries to ambush the Absorbing Man. Unfortunately, his advantage is ruined when some security guards try to shoot Creel, causing no harm as the bullets to bounce off his metal hide. He deflects Spider-Man’s attack and tries to open the package of money he just took from a nearby bank. It erupts with a blue dye to prevent theft and the Absorbing Man ends up inadvertently absorbing its qualities. That’s when Spider-Man rips open a fire hydrant and blasts Creel with a torrent of water. While his foe is stunned, Spider-Man tries to get people to run to cover. However, Crusher recovers and tries to attack Spider-Man after absorbing the properties of the street and a nearby car. However, Absorbing Man suddenly feels sick and throws up a pile of concrete onto Spider-Man before stumbling off. By the time Spider-Man pulls himself out of the rubble, Creel is long gone.

When Peter Parker finally arrives at Midtown High, he has missed his fist class. The principal is unimpressed that Peter is late yet again and decides that they won’t need Peter’s services again until at least next fall. Peter can hardly believe it but no amount of explanations can change the principal’s mind. At that same moment, the Absorbing Man, going through withdrawal symptoms, breaks into a pharmacy where he finds the drugs he is addicted to. As he goes into a high, a woman inters the pharmacy and offers the Absorbing Man a job, telling him that her employer can provide him with all the drugs he could ever need.

The following day, Peter Parker finds himself returning to the Daily Bugle for work. The moment he arrives in the bullpen he’s called into the office of publisher J. Jonah Jameson and almost walks into the massive frame of Ethan Edwards, a new reporter from Iowa that Jonah just hired. Jonah praises Ethan for his conservative clothes, his breaks in big stories, and the fact that he’s never late for a deadline and never submits anything with a single typo. That’s when Joe Robertson interjects and tells Peter that Jonah wants Ethan to do a story on Spider-Man. Jonah thinks its fate that Peter Parker would walk in since Peter has always taken the best photos of the wall-crawler.[6] However, Peter refuses to take the job unless Jonah promises to give him a full-time position with a full benefits package. Jonah balks at this, but Joe Robertson assures Jameson that they can afford it. After some waffling, Jonah finally agrees and Peter is hired on.[7] While Peter looks forward to working with Ethan, his spider-sense goes off when he shakes his hand and wonders what could have set it off.

Meanwhile, the Absorbing Man is brought to the Owl who gives Creel a list of people he wants dead in the next 72 hours promising to give Crusher all the drugs he could ever want if he accomplishes this task. Noticing that there are a few “capes” on the list the Absorbing Man is a little worried about the heat this will bring down. However, the Owl assures him that he will make sure Creel is not found after the job is done.

That evening, Captain America has called for a training session among the New Avengers in order work on their teamwork.[8] On Captain America’s team are Spider-Man and Luke Cage while Iron Man, Wolverine, and Spider-Woman form the other. Wolverine takes this as an opportunity to try and get back at Spider-Man for their earlier altercation, however, the web-slinger tries to web Logan to a wall. However, Wolverine cuts through the webbing and then stabs Spider-Man in the stomach with his claws, much to the shock of his other teammates.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, New Avengers (Captain America, Iron Man, Wolverine, “Spider-Woman”, Luke Cage), Aunt May, Mary Jane Watson, ”Edwin Jarvis”, Laurie Lynton, Ethan Edwards, J. Jonah Jameson, Joe Robertson, Absorbing Man, Owl

Continuity Notes

1. Spider-Man joined the Avengers in New Avengers #1.

2. At the time of this story, Aunt May’s home was just recently destroyed by Charlie Weiderman a former classmate of Peter who was given metallic stink in an explosion. Check out Amazing Spider-Man #515-518.

3. The man who appears to be Edwin Jarvis is actually a Skrull impostor as revealed in Secret Invasion #1. The real Jarvis was swapped out sometime prior to New Avengers #1.

4. Peter’s upset is pretty justified as Wolverine has a long history of chasing after Jean Grey ever since he joined the X-Men in Giant-Size X-Men #1, despite the fact that she had a long-standing relationship and eventually married Cyclops, the field leader of the team.

5. Peter and Mary Jane are identified as being married in this story. However, not long after this, their marriage is erased from existence by Mephisto in Amazing Spider-Man #545. In the new timeline, Peter would joke about Mary Jane being engaged to him as opposed to being married.

6. Jonah is unusually positive about Spider-Man this is because Peter tricked Jonah into thinking that Spider-Man is his son, John Jameson in Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #8. Jonah mentions Peter’s “special relationship” with Spider-Man. Peter came up with a cover story that he and Spider-Man have a “deal” in which the wall-crawler tips him off to photo opportunities and Spider-Man takes a cut of the money. This has been the going excuse since Amazing Spider-Man #46.

7. Peter states that he was taking photos of Spider-Man back when he was in high school. He first started taking photos for the Bugle in Amazing Spider-Man #2.

8. The woman who appears to be Spider-Woman is actually a Skrull impostor as revealed in Secret Invasion #3. She took the real Spider-Woman’s place during the events of Giant-Size Spider-Woman #1.

Topical References

• Peter remarks that if he took a job as a paparazzi he’d be hanging out in front of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson’s dorm room. This should be considered topical as the twin actors were 19 years old when this comic was published. They now women in their 30s as I write this (June 2020) and suddenly, I feel really fucking old.