Tall DisOrder

Jennifer is getting dressed for her first meeting with her new boss. After trying several different outfits, she finally finds one that she feels is appropriate.

As Jen tries to rush out the door, she is stopped by her cook and butler, who want to tender their resignations. They feel that working for her may be too dangerous if the apartment gets attacked again like it was by the fake Toad Men. Jen tries to talk them out of it, but they insist. "But...but...you can't leave yet! I'm not scheduled to get my robot butler until at least the ninth issue!"

Flashback to three months ago...an attractive young woman named Taryn O'Connell is waiting at a truck stop to meet up with some mystery man. Taryn wonders when he is going to show up--she has spent a lot of time tracking him down. Suddenly, a huge rig drives up. Taryn realizes it must be him, and she starts to get nervous. The man gets out of the truck, and with the bright lights behind him, all that can be seen is a monstrous silhouette of what looks to be a man-shaped giant boar! "Road word is you're lookin' f'r me..."

Back in the present, Jennifer arrives for her interview. Louise Mason greets her at the front desk, and tells Jen to call her "Weezi". She tells Jen that she is very glad that she decided to come in for the interview. "I have...my own reasons for wanting you to take this job! I mean, I know I'll only be a supporting character...but that beats the alternative!" Jen is confused, but Weezi rushes her in to meet D.A. Tower. Jen takes one look at the attractive blonde man, and she faints.

When she comes to, Jen blushes and says she shouldn't have skipped breakfast this morning. Tower tells Jen to go home and get some rest--they can have the meeting when she is feeling better. He asks Weezi to make sure that Jen gets home safely. Weezi leads Jen out and says that they'll call her a cab.

As they walk out, Jen comments on how embarrassed she is, but she didn't expect her new love interest to be introduced so soon. Weezi tells her to think again... Towers is married, with two daughters. She-Hulk gets mad, and demands to know what kind of game Byrne is playing with her! She starts to climb out of the panel, but Weezi restrains her, reminding her that the book has been published... there is a reader out there now. Weezi decides to take Jen out for lunch to calm her down. She shows Jen a new trick, by walking between panels to get from one scene to another. They arrive in a restaurant, where Weezi starts to explain things to Jen. Weezi reveals that she used to be the Blonde Phantom, whom Jen remembers as one of the old Timely heroines.

Weezi talks about her career in the Forties, fighting crime in a red evening gown. She eventually married her love interest, Detective Mark Mason. Wheezi then asks Jennifer how old she is; Jen tells her she is 31. Weezi says that as long as Jen is in the comics, she'll always be 31. However, she and Mark weren't in comics anymore, so they started to age like normal people. Then, one day the old heroes, like Namor and Captain America, started to return. She and Mark were sure that it wouldn't be long until it was their turn again. Unfortunately, it didn't happen--and Mark died. When he died, Weezi decided that she had to do something--so she used Mark's city hall connections to get herself a job with D.A. Tower, so that she would be in a position to recommend Jennifer for a job. That way she could appear as a supporting character in She-Hulk's series, and stop aging.

Their conversation is interrupted when a giant metal leg smashes down on the table between them! It is Stilt-Man, passing through on his way towards the municipal building! Wheezi explains that Stilt-Man recently broke out of prison, and swore revenge against Towers for sending him there. She-Hulk plans to take Stilt-Man down a peg or two, but decides not to risk ruining an eight-hundred dollar custom outfit. Jen strips down to her chemise and hands her clothes to Wheezi. She-Hulk follows after Stilt-Man, and leaps up to land on his shoulders! Before she can attack, however, he zaps her off with an electrical discharge! She-Hulk drops into a garbage pail, but instantly gets back up and charges at him again. This time, she knocks his legs out from under him, causing him to topple over. However, Stilt-Man then extends his legs again, kicking She-Hulk into a wall! He quickly gets back on his feet, and then stomps down on She-Hulk, driving her underground! She-Hulk's head emerges into a subway tunnel, just as the train is coming. Jen doesn't have time to get clear, so she braces herself as the train smashes into her, and her face slices through the train.

Meanwhile, Weezi worries that Jen isn't doing well, and she wonders if this is the cue for her to return to action as the Blonde Phantom. Then she pictures herself wearing her red gown with her current figure, and decides against it. However, she realizes that she can still be of some help, and rushes back into the restaurant to ask Luigi a favor. They come running out with a vat of lard, which they spill in Stilt-Man's path! Stilt-Man walks into it, and he starts to slip and slide all over the place! However, the Stilt-Man simply detaches the lower section of his stilts and keeps going, but he vows to come back and make Weezi pay for her interference after he's done with Tower. At that moment, She-Hulk frees herself and grabs a hold of Stilt-Man's legs. She tells Weezi to make a wish--and then she pulls his legs apart like she would a wishbone. The armor splits apart, and the now helpless Stilt-Man falls into Jen's waiting arms!

Soon, while the police take Stilt-Man away, Weezi brings Jennifer her clothes. Jen asks Wheezi to tell her how she managed to do the walk-through-panel-borders trick a few pages back, and Weezi says it is fairly simple, and Jen should be able to do it herself since it is basically the same mechanism as talking to the readers. Weezi then asks Jen to explain how during that whole fight, her chemise didn't get at all ripped or torn. Jen shows her the label on the back--"protected by the Comics Code Authority". The two women then return to the restaurant to finish their lunch.

Back at She-Hulk's apartment building, the manager is welcoming a new tenant, who has made an unusual request for a 99 year lease! He specifically wanted the unit next door to Jennifer and bought out the previous tenants in order to get it. The manager puts his name-plate in place--it reads, "Mr. Powers; Adventurer". Mr. Powers then departs, and he'll be back to move in next week. As he walks away, the manager stares after him and thinks to herself what a hunk he is. Her musings are interrupted when a woman named Caryn approaches her with a message for She-Hulk. The manager informs her that Ms. Walters isn't home at the moment; she offers to relay the message, but Caryn just says no and walks away.

She returns her employer, in his Rolls Royce and salutes him. She tells "Mr. L" that she wasn't there. "Very well, Caryn, we'll return to base...for now. But I have invested a great deal of effort to get here. I need the She-Hulk if I am to destroy my greatest enemy."

Back at the restaurant, Jen is disturbed to realize that so far the stories in her new book have been following the pattern of the early FF--aliens in issue #2, a Golden-age character in #4, so if the pattern holds, in the FF's fifth issue, they fought Dr. Doom! "But...surely he doesn't fit with this book's declared policy of using lame villains...does he..?"

Recurring Characters

She-Hulk, Louise Mason, Blake Tower, Stilt-Man, Taryn O’Connell, Razorback, Lexington Loopner, Mark Mason

Continuity Notes

• Louise became the Blonde Phantom in All-Select Comics #11.

• Louise Mason states that because they are featured characters in a comic book, they will never age. This is not an accurate explanation of how time flows in the Marvel Universe. It actually operates on a Sliding Timsecale where every four years of real world time that passes one year elapses in the Modern Age of the Marvel Universe. The "Modern Age" accounts for all time from the events of Fantastic Four #1 onwards. How Louise remained in her relative prime is not clearly explained based on those parameters.

• This story states that Louise retired from crime fighting when she got married and depicts her as a housewife circa 1953. However, she has been active as the Blonde Phantom as late as 1959 as later revealed in Avengers 1959 #1-5.

• Mention is made of how both the Sub-Mariner and Captain America were revived early on into the modern age. This happened in Fantastic Four #4 and Avengers #4 respectively.

• The identity of Mr. Powers is never revealed as the plot was eventually dropped when John Byrne was temporarily fired from the title.

• Reference is made to the fact that the Fantastic Four fought Doctor Doom in Fantastic Four #5.