She-Hulk The Movie

She-Hulk returns home from grocery shopping in the rain to find Mary Hart and an Entertaining Tonight crew waiting for her to ask her about her new movie. Jen has no idea what they're talking about, so Mary shows her a news article about a new She-Hulk movie announced by Major Motion Pictures.

Jen immediately picks up the phone and calls Major Motion Pictures, demanding to speak to the head honcho. The boss, who remains hidden in shadow, assures Jen that this project is entirely legal. Jen says that it can't be, because she never signed a contract or release form. He tells her that she did, and he's holding it in her hand. Back in her 'savage' days, someone asked She-Hulk for an autograph, and without looking at the paper, she unwittingly signed a release! Jen tells him that it doesn't count, and she is going to sue. He convinces her not to, be offering her a large advisor's fee and 10% off the top.

Half a day later, Jen flies from New York to California. The studio has a car waiting for her at the airport... a talking, cartoon car! Jen has a bad feeling about this, but gets in the car anyway. It drives to the studio at an incredible speed, zooming around and over other cars, all the while chatting away!

At the studio, a man in a cheap imitation Captain America outfit (complete with a Frisbee as his shield) auditions for a role in the movie. He is hired and then his Frisbee hits him in the back of the head.

Jennifer arrives at the studio, to find a group of fans who are protesting the movie. They immediately swarm around Jen for autographs. The head of the group, Warren, tells her they are afraid that this movie will ruin her. He starts to tell Jen who the actress playing her will be, but they are interrupted by Sam Gladhand. Sam is the unit publicist, and he rushes Jen and Warren inside. He offers Warren a job as a research assistant and leads him to the research library, which is filled with comics. Warren excitedly rushes in, and Sam tells Jennifer that it is always a good idea to give them what they want to keep them busy.

They head down towards casting, and Jen suggests that maybe she should play herself in the movie. Sam tells her she is all wrong for the part. Jen takes a peek at the auditioning actors, in their pathetic superhero imitations and is disgusted. She says she'll have to talk to somebody about this. She goes off to find the director.

An overweight man in a Spider-Man suit stands on his hands and starts singing the Spider-Man cartoon theme song. Before he even finishes, he is told he is hired.

Jen finds a copy of the script and starts to read it. She really likes it, especially the romantic scene between her and Wyatt. An hour later, the director finds her. Jen tells him that the script is great; he tells her that her skin tone is terrible, and he calls for make-up! Seconds later a make-up artist hits her in the face with powder. The director thinks that Jen is the stunt woman. Jen tries to explain that she is the She-Hulk, but he thinks she is just getting into character. Jen finally starts juggling him in the air to prove her point.

A wannabe Thor (wearing a pot on his head as a helmet) is auditioning by playing the guitar made to look like Thor's hammer. He gets hired.

Elsewhere, the mysterious studio head (whose own head is covered with some kind of globe) is talking to a giant. He says that nothing can be allowed to stop this film from being a disaster, and that negative publicity is a good way to ruin a film. He orders the giant to kill the She-Hulk, but make it look accidental.

Jen has heard that they only have one week to make the film. She asks the director how they are going to make that wonderful script work in only one week. He tells her that they are professionals, besides, that script has been thrown out anyway, since it didn't have any songs. Jen asks what they need songs for? "For me." The lead actress walks out... it is P. Isadora. She is a small, delicate little woman, covered with green body paint. Jen says no one will believe her as She-Hulk; they need a bodybuilder in the role. Isadora reminds her that Hollywood is a world of illusions--with a swipe of her hand she smashes a fake brick wall. "Accident happening." Suddenly, one of the overhead arc lights falls right on She-Hulk's head. Jen is unharmed but doesn't believe it was an accident.

A man in a tin suit juggles irons. He is hired.

On set, they begin filming She-Hulk's first day as an X-Man. Jen points out that she was never in the X-Men. Warren says he tried to tell them that, but they just dismissed him as a "Marvel Zombie." They film a scene with She-Hulk and the X-Men fighting a giant robot. Once the scene is over, Jen asks a question about the special effects and then asks to know who is playing Wyatt. She wants to make sure that her ex-boyfriend is treated right. Isadora tells her that Pee Wee's first call is tomorrow. Jen has had enough of this craziness and says she is going to pound her head against the robot to try and knock herself unconscious so she doesn't have to deal with it anymore. Suddenly, the robot comes to life and punches her! She-Hulk goes flying and crashes onto the set of a movie, uniting the original and Next Generation Star Trek casts! The robot comes after her, and Jen grabs its arm and throws it away from the set. She chases after it, vowing to find out what is going on.

Simon Williams, the actor/Avenger known as Wonder Man arrives for his audition. They tell him he's not what they're looking for.

Back on set, the "Avengers" are assembled in front of the Mansion mock-up, when suddenly the robot comes flying down! The actors scatter, as She-Hulk continues to pound away on the robot. Some of the metal platings falls off, and Jen sees that it isn't a robot at all, but that there is a blue-skinned giant is underneath! He grabs her and they go charging into the water tank where they filmed "Atlantis Attacks". The director and the film crew run after them, to get all this on film.

The rest of the metal plates fall off, and the 'robot' is revealed as Orka, the Atlantean warrior! Jen figures he is looking for revenge since she defeated him so easily a few months ago. She-Hulk punches Orka in the face and swims to the surface. She assures everyone that she has things well in hand, and then a real orca chomps down on her hand! Then Orka grabs her from the other side, and they try to pull her apart. Jen spins them around so they collide, and let go of her. She-Hulk then slams Orka with a hit so powerful it sends him flying out of the tank!

Elsewhere, Wondy is leaving the studio, complaining that he can't even get typecast as a superhero. He asks what else can go wrong... and then Orka lands on his head!

A very ticked She-Hulk gets out of the tank, to find that the director is upset as well. He tells her that the studio head has taken the film away from him and is editing it however he wants. Jen decides that she and the studio head need to have a little chat.

She storms into his office, charging right past the secretary who tries to stop her. She gets into the office and discovers that he is Krang, the former warlord of Atlantis! He tells her that since the recent invasion was a failure, he is trying a scheme that Namor has used... starting a movie studio. His plan was to create a theatrical flop. He raised one hundred million dollars from various backers, all of whom think they own 100%. He only spent a tiny amount of that money on the film and kept the rest for himself. Jen accuses him of ripping off that idea from the Mel Brook's movie "The Producers". Krang tells her that she can't stop him. Production of the movie is being finished in a secret location and will be distributed shortly. He tells her that even if the film were any good, it would have to earn more than twice its budget in order to succeed. "The backers deserve to be bilked. After all, they actually thought a film about a superhero could make over two hundred million. Isn't that the most absurd thing you've ever heard?"

Much to Krang's surprise, the movie is a huge success! Jen greets the fans arriving to see the movie during its tenth record-breaking week! Warren asks her how she can support the film; it was badly made, the studio had to declare bankruptcy even though the movie is making a ton, and the studio head is a felon. Jen agrees with all this, especially given the fact that the movie nearly killed her. Warren asks her to help them boycott the movie. "What?! And give up show business?"

Recurring Characters

She-Hulk, Orka, Krang, Wonder Man

Continuity Notes

• The appearance of Mary Hart, William Shatner, Patrick Stewart, LeVar Burton, Johnathan Frakes, Michael Dorn as well as every pop-culture reference in this story should be considered topical references per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616.

• She-Hulk recounts her last battle with Orka, this happened in Avengers Annual #18.

• Krang mentions how he got the idea of making a bad movie about the She-Hulk from a similar stunt that the Sub-Mariner pulled on the Fantastic Four in Fantastic Four #9.