The Lowbrow Hunters

Jason and Cara hold their flashlight on Jennifer Walters as she transforms into the gray savage She-Hulk. They shout their approval. She-Hulk shouts that she hates cold, dark, walls. She says that she must free. She-Hulk pounds on the concrete door and wants to know why puny humans have her locked up. She says that she will crush, smash, and sue for false imprisonment. Jason comes up behind She-Hulk. He asks her if she wants them to get her out of there. She-Hulk calls him “stupid puny mini-human” and asks him what it looks like. He tells her not to get mad, and says that he and Cara can help. She-Hulk asks how they can get through the door when she can’t. Jason says that they will use their secret warts that they got from playing with mutated lizards in the desert. She-Hulk asks what the warts do. Jason and Cara both let off blasts from their warts aimed at the door. The door moves, but Jason and Cara have to stop. Jason says that they get sleepy and sick after they zap for too long. She-Hulk says that she will finish what they started.

Brent and Weezi run for their lives as She-Hulk smashes in the door. They run out of the cave. They start to tell Howard that she broke out, but he tells them to save their breath and that he can tell by the looks on their faces what happened.

She-Hulk, Cara, and Jason come out of the cave. She-Hulk wants to know where puny Wilcox and Old Lady are. Jason says that he bets they are at the dude ranch, and Cara says that it is the only place to eat for a hundred miles. Hiding behind the car, Weezi says that maybe she can reason with her, and that they are very close. Brent whispers that prior relationships don’t enter the equation. She-Hulk picks up Jason and Cara and leaps towards the dude ranch.

She-Hulk smashes through the wall. She demands to know where Old Lady and Puny Wilcox are. She says that she wants them or that she will stomp everybody. She says that she will then let the “warty mini-humans dance lambada on what is left.” Cara tells Mr. Dickel to do what she says. Jason says that she is nice if you’re on her side. She-Hulk asks if they put the mini-humans in the cave. Mrs. Dickel says that they weren’t trying to hurt them. She says that the customers just get spooked when their warts glow. Mr. Dickel says that they sunk a fortune into the place on the government’s word that the radiation levels were safe. She-Hulk says that it is too much talk. She tells them to give her Old Lady and Puny Wilcox. The Dickels, of course, don’t know what she is talking about. She-Hulk says that puny humans always lie. Cara says that the grownups do anyway. She-Hulk says that she will find them even if she has to tear the entire place down. Jason says that it is no big loss, and to let ‘er rip. She-Hulk smashes through a piece of plywood top find natural hot springs. She-Hulk says that the steam makes her feel funny. She-Hulk passes out into one of the hot springs. Mrs. Dickel says that they can’t let her drown. She tells Jed Dickel to go in there and save her. Jed says that he couldn’t lift her foot. Suddenly She-Hulk, no longer in giant savage form but still gray, comes up out of the water. She lost her top and covers her breasts with her arm. She holds her pants up with the other. Mrs. Dickel says that she is alive. Jason says, “Yeah, and… uh hubba hubba hubba.” She-Hulk asks if anyone can tell her where she is and how she got there. Mr. Dickel says that they will tell her anything, and asks if she is going to wreck the place and kill them. She-Hulk asks why she would want to do that. Cara says that she was a lot more fun when she was ugly and berserk.

Outside, a bath robed She-Hulk comes out to see Weezi and Brent. Brent asks if she is all right. She-Hulk says that as far as she can tell that she is fine. She says that except for her skin tone that she seems to be back to her normal self, or at least her customary self. Brent asks if she no longer wants to kill them. She-Hulk asks why people keep asking her that. She asks where Howard is. Weezi says that he refused to come and that he wanted them to tell her, “There’s always a choice.” She-Hulk says that she understands.

Critic stands on a plane, while anomalies drop out of the sky from all around, and asks if this was worth the “abrogation of the Critic’s Creed”. Scientists are examining the anomalies. All around the world, people are poking them with lasers, spears, brollies, uzis, forks, chopsticks, bagels, and baguettes. He says that he has failed in his mission and leaps off the plane in a suicide dive.

In Long Island, outside the Hefty Huggable Women’s Health Club, Tillie is walking to her car. Dr. Angst appears behind her and says that it has been a long day. He says that he has come to her to offer her a chance to hop on the fast track and join him in ruling the universe. Tillie declines and says that she has a steady job. She says that she has achieved the American Dream and that she is making it on auto-pilot. She asks why she would want the burden of making decisions for the whole universe. Angst says that he will make all the decisions and that she can just beat people up. Tillie says that she could get into that and that it has been years since she really pounded anyone. Angst says that they should make it official. Tillie flashes and appears in her full costume.

The Spanker watches a man selling a new drug to a woman. Spanker rides out of his van and knocks the man over. He takes out his paddle and spanks the man. He tells him to never sell that stuff again. He tells the man to go back to school and make something of his life. The man says that he will. Spanker says that he will be watching. Angst and Tillie appear before Spanker. Angst asks how he would like to discipline a universe.

Black Hole is appearing in a side show. The people are disgusted when they watch him suck an air conditioner into his chest. He tells the promoter that he told him his act only plays in the east and the deep south. He tells him that he will settle for two weeks and a bus ticket home. Angst, Tillie, and Spanker appear before him. Angst asks what is he didn’t have to settle. Angst says that it is time for him to reclaim his destiny.

A commando unit is prowling in the underbrush. One of them is hit and a splash of red appears on his chest. The other man says that they are a team and that they play to win. The other man is shot in the head. Sitting Bullseye tells them to go back to their spreadsheets, and that the two of them failed his survival course. They ask if they don’t get a second chance. They start running when Angst and the others appear. Angst asks how Sitting Bullseye would like to infiltrate and assassinate a universe.

She-Hulk asks if Brent thinks that her body chemistry has changed. Brent says that it was probably from the compaction process when she entered the baloney-verse. She asks about her latest change. Brent guesses that it is residual gamma radiation in the hot springs. Howard asks someone to make sense out of this mess. Weezi tells him to shut up. Howard tells her to go chew beef jerky. She says that she prefers something cooked in orange sauce. She-Hulk says that Howard is right. She says that they don’t have a clue as to what is going on. She says that she gets the feeling that it is bigger than any of them realize. Howard says that if they want big they should talk about the big bald guy that dragged him into this scene. He says that then he left and that he was a real concerned citizen. They ask about the bald buy. Weezi says that he is lying and that he just wants to be the center of attention. She-Hulk says that maybe he is. Brent says that it is odd that Howard was dropped into their laps just as they discovered the universe inside the object. She-Hulk blows the fire out with her breath as she gets into the car. She asks where the threat is. As the car flies off, Brent says that he doesn’t know that. He says that he is just thinking out loud and that it is a bad habit from working too many nights alone. Howard says that his heart bleeds, but that it might be his stomach-turning. He asks that they turn on some music before Brent starts in on his traumatic childhood. She-Hulk turns the radio on. The news is talking about all the anomalies falling out of the sky, The news goes on to report the news of a giant bald man apparently committing suicide by jumping off a plane. Howard says to skip the apologies and that he will settle for being allowed to smoke in the car.

The Critic gets up with a headache and admits that he couldn’t really kill himself that way. He looks up to see that he is outside an old folks' home. He sees police all around and hears talk of murder. Critic performs a psionic scan. He senses one mind in a state of feverish excitement. He says that the images are chaotic and must be investigated further. The cops spot Critic and tell him to freeze. Critic flies off and descends into the room of the old man in the wheelchair. Critic greets Laslo Pevely. He tells Laslo to tell him everything that he knows about a car crash, a mad dog, and someone named the Terror. Laslo says that he doesn’t know what he is talking about. Critic says that he will just take the information he requires. Critic puts his hand on Laslo’s head.

50 years ago, on a dark and stormy night, an escaped gorilla enters a cabin to find Professor Storm in the midst of a secret scientific experiment. The ape attacked, but Storm’s dog leaped to the rescue. As the dog attacked something in him caught fire, and the dog’s skull began to glow. The dog and the ape killed one another in the fight. Storm was aghast, but then there was an accident outside. A car had been hit by lightning and driven into a tree. Laslo Pevely lay on the ground. Storm came up with a demented idea. He strapped Laslo to a gizmo that bombarded his nervous system with high-frequency radio waves and then injected him with a serum distilled from the dog’s brain. Laslo says that the Professor had hoped to endow him with the dog’s ferocity and will to survive. He says that it did that and much more as they soon found out when two gangsters barged in. Laslo says that he doesn’t know where the gorilla came from or why the dog’s skull glowed, but that when he sensed evil that he was become transformed, including his clothes, into a being with monstrous strength and an all-consuming urge to tear evil to shreds. Laslo tore apart the two gangsters and then reverted to normal. He says that Storm then had a heart attack and died. Laslo says that he told him about the dog and the gorilla first though. He says that he was the Terror for a while, but that the reaction wore off after a year or so. He says that it started working again this afternoon and that he can’t explain why. Critic says that he can. Laslo tells him not to bother. He says that he just wants to know that after hearing his story if he is going to be laughing with him or at him. Critic says that it will be at him. Laslo says that he figured as much.

Howard is saying that he can’t swallow the idea of the Watchers, but Jen says that despite the goatee and sports jacket that is what Howard’s ‘bald guy’ sounds like. Weezi and Howard start fighting about his cigar again when everyone spots something up ahead. Jen says that it seems like they are passing through another universe where suicide seems to be the governing principle.

Recurring Characters

She-Hulk, Louise Mason, Jason Berg, Cara LaBlanc, Brent Wilcox, Band of the Bland (Doctor Angst, Sitting Bullseye, Black Hole, Spanker, Tillie the Hun), Howard the Duck, The Critic, The Terror

Continuity Notes

• Jennifer has been locked in her She-Hulk form since the events Marvel Graphic Novel #18. She was forcibly reverted back to human form last issue. This issue she transforms at night like her cousin the Hulk did circa Incredible Hulk #1 and from Incredible Hulk #325-375.

• The Terror's origins are recapped here as they were originally told in Mystic Comics #5. However, this story states that those events happened "50 Years Ago", this measurement of time should be considered a topical reference per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616 that is relevant to the date of publication.