Licensing Lunacy

Jennifer is frustrated with her taxes. Weezi tries to calm her down, but Jen explains that she has been so busy she forgot to file her quarterly statements and she owes $50,000! Weezi asks if she can get an extension, but Jen says that only postpones filing, not paying, and she doesn't have the money. Jen says that she'd strike a deal with the devil himself if he could make her rich enough to never have to worry about taxes again. Weezi smells a horrible odor, and then there is a knock on the door. Jen asks Weezi to take care of it; she doesn't want to talk to anyone unless he has lots of cash. Weezi opens the door and tries to turn the person away, but the man introduces himself as Montgomery H. Price, D.A., and walks in. He hands Weezi his card, and she sees that he is a "devil's advocate". She wonders if this is some kind of joke. Price says he has come with a licensing agreement for She-Hulk. His boss will put her likeness on t-shirts, toys, posters, etc, and Jen will make tons of money just for being her. He hands her a briefcase filled with cash, and tells her that if she signs, she instantly gets a non-refundable advance of $50,000! Jen is tempted but remembers that Lexcorp tried something similar. While Price talks her into the deal, he also emits that strange smell, which clouds Jen's thinking. Weezi reminds Jen to read the contract before signing anything, and Price agrees...but says she should do so without distractions. Price gestures and Weezi is teleported outside! Weezi looks up at the building and sees a demonic glow coming from Jen's apartment. Meanwhile, Price continues to talk Jen into signing the contract.

Weezi rushes back inside to find that the elevator is out of order. She tries to take the stairs but finds that the door is locked. She manages to force it open, but once she reaches the hallway, everything twists and distorts to try and stop her.

Jen reads the contract and sees that she would have to surrender her soul if the licensing manages to make one billion dollars in one year. Price laughs and says that is an impossible goal, so there is no risk. Jen agrees and signs the contract. Price then shakes her hand, and his ring cuts her finger, spilling a few drops of blood onto the contract, mystically sealing the deal.

Weezi pounds on the door trying to warn Jen not to sign anything, and then suddenly the door swings open. Price is gone, and Jen is in a great mood, now that she has all this money. Jen wants to go out and celebrate but Weezi tries to warn her that there must be some hidden catch. Jen doesn't want to hear that, and just changes her clothes to go out and party. However, when she tries to leave the apartment, a group of 5 little demons are waiting for her. They tell her that she can't go out dressed like that, and the female whips up a new outfit for Jen, one that completely hides her figure, in accordance with the contract's anti-salacious attire clause. Weezi asks Jen if she can stop this, but Jen tells her that she is feeling rather weak. The accountant then gets a call from Price that a $500,000 She-Hulk toy deal has been signed. The demons give Jen her advance of $90,000! They then take her out to celebrate.

At the restaurant, Jen starts coming out of her spell, and reads over the contract again. She sold her soul and licensed her body to Mephisto! Jen figures that her soul is safe because they won't be able to make one billion dollars in one year, but the demon laughs and says that she doesn't know what the boss is capable of! Weezi reads over the contract and is surprised to see that the intent is for She-Hulk to have a completely spotless image, which isn't Mephisto's usual style. She wonders what he's up to. Suddenly a group of armed men try to kidnap a young heiress from the restaurant. She-Hulk tries to intervene, but the demons stop her. Article D of the contract forbids her to risk injuring herself. She-Hulk tries to rip up the contract, but only winds up getting a fireball to the butt. The demons laugh and tell her there is no way to tear up a contract from the boss. Jen finds a way around the clause; she grabs the carpet underneath the men, and shakes it, flipping them all into the air, and freeing the woman.

Minutes later the police take the kidnappers into custody, and reporters arrive to talk to She-Hulk about the rescue. Jen figures she'll take this opportunity to reveal what Mephisto did, to give herself better bargaining leverage. However, she finds that her voice won't work. She can only read a statement prepared by the demons. In a monotone, Jen reads the very dry and dull statement about how helping others is not only an honor but a duty. The reporters see there is no story here, and walk away. Once they're gone, Jen regains control of herself. The accountant gets another call from Price, with several new deals. Jen groans and realizes that Price must be making deals with people whose souls he already owns! At the rate the money is coming in, her soul is doomed. In order to get some privacy to make a plan, Jen drags Weezi into the bathroom, saying she needs to fix her make-up. Four of the demons are male, so they can't follow her into the ladies’ room. The dress designer tries to follow them in, but Weezi holds the door shut.

Jen looks over the contract, looking for a loophole. Weezi tells her that her only escape is to do something sleazy, like becoming a villain, have an affair or do a nude photo spread. Jen smiles as she realizes that the contract states that any act that destroys the value of the license, past or present, voids the contract! Suddenly, a pair of She-Hulk robots burst in the door and drag Jen away. They are taking her to a licensing industry party where the final deal with be made to secure her soul! The contract will be signed when the clock strikes twelve! Jen tells Weezi to find Johnny Storm! "Tell him I want him at a party, and to bring the magazine he reads with green glasses!"

At the party, Jen is given another speech to say, this time about how she will maintain her spotless image next year. Jen tries to ask for a drink, but Mephisto appears and hands her a glass of pop. Jen checks the clock and sees that it is nearly midnight. Afraid that Johnny won't arrive in time, Jen decides she'll have to create a scandal herself. She rips her clothes off, but the lights go out, and before they come back on, the designer has covered Jen up with another outfit. Stalling for time, Jen asks to read the contract before it is signed. Price tells her that it is a contract between him and Mephisto. For one dollar, he'll buy the exclusive rights to use Jen's name, likeness, and self, which he'll use to snare the souls of her fellow superheroes! Mephisto gloats that he'll own the greatest souls on Earth! However, just as Price is about to sign, the Human Torch blazes in with a magazine in his hand! Jen smiles and reminds Mephisto about her contract's termination clause: "My contract automatically becomes null and void, if in the past or present, I have participated willingly or unwillingly in a manner unbecoming the high moral standards required." Jen shows him the magazine... a copy of The Naked Truth, which has nude photographs of She-Hulk which were taken against her will! The photos were printed flesh tone, but they are still She-Hulk, and can be reprinted in green at any time! Mephisto snarls and admits defeat, but says she won't collect any of the money and takes it with him. He vanishes, and Jen, Weezi and Johnny are all teleported back to Jen's apartment. Jen is about to go back to being depressed about her taxes until she sees the briefcase of money! Price had said it was non-refundable, so it is still hers! Jen is saved after all; she has enough money to pay her taxes.

Johnny asks if she has any green glasses handy, and Jen tells him not to push his luck.

Recurring Characters

She-Hulk, Louise Mason, Mephisto, Human Torch

Continuity Notes

• She-Hulk manages to get out of her contract thanks to nude photos that were taken of her back in Fantastic Four #275.