You Never Make a Sound

It's Christmas Eve in New York City, as shoppers go about their business a young man steals a present out of the arms of a woman and makes a run for it. Although he gets past the bystanders and slips into an alley, he runs into a web put up by Spider-Man. The youth, named Joe Krolik, begs Spider-Man to let him go as he stole the gift to give to his sick mother. Spider-Man doesn't buy this flimsy excuse and soon the woman arrives with a police officer. With the officer on the scene, Spider-Man wasn't even going to consider letting the young thief go, especially after he had been tricked by the Black Fox in the past. While Spider-Man wasn't buying the excuses, the woman does and tells the officer that she is dropping charges against Joe Krolik. She learns her mistake when he manages to steal her watch while shaking her hand.

Later, Peter Parker arrives at the Daily Bugle, he's disappointed to see a toy donation drive isn't going as well as it could. Peter can't find himself in the Christmas spirit after the murder of Jean DeWolff and his recent clashes with Puma and the Beyonder. On his way to see Kate Cushing, he bumps into Joy Mercado who asks Peter if he has heard about the string of mystery robberies. Noticing that they are standing under mistletoe and kisses Peter as she heads out. This catches Peter off guard, but he goes about his business. Unfortunately, Joy doesn't have anything for Peter and suggests he find a more convenient way of the Bugle getting in touch with him when they have a photo assignment for him. Peter thinks of what might happen if he was battling Doctor Octopus and has to answer a message from the Bugle, and tells her he'll think about it.

Feeling unwanted, Peter calls his Aunt May, who is happy to hear from him. She tells him how her borders are all off visiting family for the holidays, and with Nathan Lubinsky being in the hospital and Ernie Popchik in jail, May is spending Christmas Eve with Anna Watson. Peter thinks his Aunt May is blowing him off and tells her not to worry about him intruding. May doesn't hear this as she puts the phone down to stop a pot from boiling over on her stove. When she picks up the phone, Peter is saying goodbye and hangs up. May wonders why Peter didn't say he was coming over for Christmas dinner and figures he must have his own plans for the evening. On his way out of the office, Peter asks Joe Robertson what he is doing for the holidays. He informs Peter that his son Randy is coming home from college for a family reunion of sorts. He's interrupted by Kate Cushing who asks him to get Jonah off her back. When Joe is finished with her, he invites Peter over for Christmas, but when he turns around he discovers that Parker is already gone.

Having changed into Spider-Man, Peter web-slings across the city. He figures he should probably go home, although his place still smells of smoke. He figures he could spend his time washing his red-and-blue costume since it still reeks. As he swings over a schoolyard, he wishes he had no troubles in the world like the children down below. Peter would be wrong, as a young student named Alex Woolcot tells his teacher, Mr. Estivez, about how his father loses his temper. When Mr. Estivez asks Alex how he got the black eye, he tells his teacher that he fell down the stairs. Suddenly, Alex's father arrives to pick the boy up. Fritz Woolcot confronts Mr. Estivez about how he has started legal action to look into Alex's abuse. He warns the teacher to stay out of his family business and warns that rumors might start regarding his interest in his son. This stuns Mr. Estivez into silence.

Meanwhile, at Macy's, Jordan Modica tells the mall Santa all of the things he wants for Christmas. When he mentions the types of electronics his mother has in the apartment she shares with her roommates, Santa asks Jordan to "remind him" what the address is. Soon his mother Bambi arrives to pick him up and as they leave, he tells Santa not to forget his presents. Writing down Bambi's address, this mall Santa assures him that he won't. Back at his apartment, Peter Parker tries to think of something to do. He tries calling Harry and Liz Osborn to see what they are up to. However, their son Normie is colic and Harry can hardly hear Pete over the phone. Peter tells Harry that he will call back later. He then calls Mary Jane, but gets her voice mail. He hangs up instead of leaving a message. Mary Jane is in the bath, thinking about looking her best to join May and Aunt Anna for Christmas. Going to visit reminds her of the first time she met Peter Parker, and how he avoided this meeting thinking she was going to be unattractive. She has tried to get ahold of Peter, but he has either not been home or the line has been busy. She figures that she'll see Peter at May's house, because there's nowhere else he would be spending the holidays.

Soon, Peter's phone begins to ring, but when he answers it the person on the other line hangs up. The caller was Felicia Hardy, aka the Black Cat, who wanted to wish him a merry Christmas but is still hurting after he broke up with her. She decides to take her mind off Spider-Man by putting on her Black Cat costume and going out on the prowl. Patrolling the city lifts her spirit immensely and she soon finds a group of men trying to rob fur coats. She easily trounces them thanks to her bad luck powers. For a brief moment, she considers taking the mink coats for herself. However, she notices some homeless women trying to keep warm by a trash barrel fire. Felicia decides to give the fur coats to the women to help them keep warm. As she swings away, the Black Cat feels great about what he has done and decides that perhaps she should use her skills of a cat burglar to be like Robin Hood, robbing from the rich to give to the poor. By this point, Peter Parker has given up on spending Christmas with anyone and gets his last two cans of Coke out of the fridge. One is for himself, the other he pours for his Spider-Man costume, which he tells to drink up, warning it that the Coke will get warm.

At that moment, Joe Robertson gets a call from his son Randy, who informs his father that his flight was delayed. It's here that he tells his father that he is bringing an "old friend" with him for the holidays. When he hangs up the phone, the "old friend" Amanda ask Randy why he didn't tell his father the truth that they actually are married. Randy explains that he isn't sure how his father will feel about the fact that he married a white woman. He assures her though that he will tell his parents about their marriage the moment he finds the nerve to do so.

As the evening comes to a close, Peter Parker has called it a night and gone to bed. In the apartment next door, Randi, Bambi, and Candi have also retired for the night. However, Bambi wakes up in the middle of the night because she hears a noise. Thinking its her son Jordan trying to get an early start at unwrapping his Christmas presents, she is shocked to discover a man in a Santa costume stealing the electronics. Spotted, the Santa thief pulls a gun and threatens Bambi. As Bambi begins to panic, Peter's spider-sense is kicked off and he wakes up. He quickly changes into Spider-Man and comes crashing through his neighbor's window. Spider-Man confronts the thief, but they are interrupted when Jordan, Candi, and Randi wake up to see what the commotion is. When Spider-Man tries to web up the crook, he hits Candi and Randi by mistake allowing the thief to make a break for the door. Following after him, Spider-Man runs into his landlord, Maimie Muggins. She scolds Spider-Man for trespassing, but Spider-Man quickly moves her out of the way and continues his pursuit. Spider-Man catches up to the thief as he is fleeing up to the roof, dropping his stolen loot along the way.

When the thief gets up to the roof he runs into the real Santa Claus who is not impressed with his imitator. When Spider-Man arrives on the roof, he finds no sign of the thief. The next morning, Peter Parker is woken up by a phone call from Kate Cushing who tells Peter she has an assignment for him. She tells him that the man who was supposed to be dressed as Santa at the Bugle was found tied up in the closet and he won't believe who has taken his place. Peter rushes down to the Bugle Building where he discovers the thief giving out handcrafted toys to children. When Peter asks a police officer at the scene, he learns that the thief called the police to tell them he was here and confessed to all his crimes. Seeing Peter, the thief tells him that he has reformed and hands him a note written by his friend. The note tells Peter to call his Aunt May.

Soon Peter is at his Aunt May's who is happy to see him home for the holidays. As they have breakfast with Anna and Mary Jane Watson, May tells Peter that Ernie Popchik was released from prison as the judge refused to indict him and he is visiting his son for the holidays. Mary Jane asks Peter what's wrong, and he tells her that something feels wrong. She tells Peter that he needs to learn to relax and starts tickling him. Outside of Aunt May's two men are watching from the bushes. When one of them pulls out a switchblade, the other tells him to stop, that they'll carry out their plans another day, assuring him that their intended victim won't get away.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Joy Mercado, Kate Cushing, Joe Robertson, Aunt May, Mary Jane Watson, Anna Watson, Black Cat, Santa Claus, Candi Muggins, Randi Cooper, Bambi Modica, Mamie Muggins, Harry Osborn, Liz Osborn, Normie Osborn, Randy Robertson, Amanda Robertson, Steven Estivez, Alex Woolcot, Fritz Woolcot

Continuity Notes

• At the time of this story, Spider-Man had been tricked into letting the Black Fox go in Amazing Spider-Man #265.

• Jean DeWolff was murdered by the Sin Eater in Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #107. Spider-Man's incident with Puma and the Beyonder occurred in Amazing Spider-Man #273 and Spectacular Spider-Man #111.

• Joy suggests that Peter gets a pager. This should be considered a topical reference per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616 as pagers are now an obsolete technology.

• Nathan Lubinsky was beaten up by loan sharks over his gambling debts in Amazing Spider-Man #271. Ernie Popchik was jailed after he shot three young men in a subway train in Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #110.

• Peter's apartment was set on fire by a group of thieves in Web of Spider-Man #11. He discovered that the fire dirtied his red-and-blue costume in Amazing Spider-Man #273.

• Jordan states that his mother has a brand new VHS player. This should be considered a topical reference per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616 as VHS machines are an obsolete technology.

• May Parker and Anna Watson was trying to set Peter up with Mary Jane since Amazing Spider-Man #17. The pair finally met in Amazing Spider-Man #42.

• Spider-Man broke up with the Black Cat in Peter Parker, The Spectacular Spider-Man #100.

• Peter states that he has two cans of Coke Classic. This is opposed to "New" Coke. This should be considered a topical reference per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616. New Coke was a reformulation of Coca-Cola that was marketed in 1985. It was widely panned but wasn't pulled off the market until 2002.

• Randy is taking a flight with TWA. This should also be considered a topical reference per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616. TWA ceased operations in 2001.

• Santa says "last year it was slasher films. Now this." He is referring to the film Silent Night, Deadly Night a film that was released in 1984. The film was controversial at the time due to the fact that the killer in the film was dressed like Santa Claus. This should be considered a topical reference per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616.