Get Kraven Part Five

Walking back from their meeting with Ned Tannengarden, Timber Hughes questions Al’s decision to have the Vulture try to find a good script for their movie production. Just as Al finishes telling her that good scripts don’t just fall out of the sky, screenwriter Ben Charles lands on the roof of the car in front of him after jumping off the iconic National Pictures water tower. As Al picks up the body and starts yet another tirade about how Hollywood chews people up and spits them out, Timber notices the guy was holding a script and begins leafing through it. She interrupts Kraven’s rant to tell him that the script is so good it should be the one they choose. Kraven grabs the script and takes a look at it and agrees with her. That’s when he realized that he tossed the jumper back onto the car

Later that day, Al and Timber meet with Connie Hunt, a public relations specialist who has been hired by Ned Tannengarden to help repair Kraven’s damaged Hollywood image after his recent fights with the Chameleon as well as Joe and Harry Rothstein’s hired goons. Hunt is confident that she can repair the damage that has already been done, mentioning various celebrities she’s worked with, referring to all of them on a first-name basis. When TImber explains that all they want to do is make a good movie, Connie explains that nobody is going to want to talk about it. For that to happen, Connie explains, is that people can’t just simply love or hate Kraven, they must either love to hate or hate to love him. She references a number of great actors who are fantastic actors and performed in great roles, but the movies in question are forgettable because those stars did not follow the love/hate rules she just described. When Al points out that he’s not a star, Connie corrects him saying that, as the son of Kraven the Hunter, he’s considered part of the superhuman dynasty. On top of this, he has the Rothsteins to deal with who have a contract out on Kraven that is so big it would make famous mobsters pressed over how to fill it. Hunt then sets out a plan of action for Al and Timber: First, no more fighting, second give a lot of money to five different charities. Lastly, when people like Rothstein give them trouble they negotiate with them until they go away because that’s how things are done in Hollywood.

When the couple returns to their bungalow, they interview Ben Charles with the Vulture sitting in on the meeting, however, Al warns Adrian to be on his best behavior or he’ll throw him out. They tell Ben that they want to produce his script and make it into a movie. Ben will agree to let them do so on the terms that he is the only person who gets to re-write the script. He then explains his entire ordeal with the Rothsteins and how they wanted to rewrite his political drama about the government covering up the cure for cancer and turn it into an action-comedy about the cure for jock itch. Since this has been the most important script in his life, Ben sold his home in order to make the money to buy back the script to prevent them from ruining it. From there he lost his girlfriend and his agent fired him, the script is all he has left. He’s delighted to hear that Al and Timber like it the way it is, but agree to his terms. When Ben literally calls the script his life, Kraven says that killing himself over a script is a stupid thing to do and says that Ben not committing suicide will be one of the stipulations of their contract. When the Vulture adds his two cents on the matter, Al gets fed up with his interjections and tosses him out of the office head first.

Meanwhile, Ned Tannengarden is spending his lunch hour in a jacuzzi with two attractive women, one of them happens to be Connie Hunt. His private rendezvous is suddenly interrupted by Joe and Harry Rothstein. As it turns out, they have all been conspiring to financially ruin Kraven by making him waste his inheritance leaving him broke. Unfortunately, Kraven has been playing it smart. None of this makes Ned very happy who tells them that he wants Al Kraven as dead as his father, Sergei Kravinoff, the original Kraven the Hunter.[1] In fact, he tells them that this had better be done within a week or none of them will ever work in Hollywood again.

Later, in the back yard of their rented apartment, Kraven meets with a potential director named Rory to help him turn Ben’s script into cinematic reality. Rory wants on board, particularly because Jack Monroe and Kate Shaw are going to star in the film. He also adds that the Rothsteins were crazy for trying to re-write the original story and then for selling it back to Ben. Timber is also entertaining Jane Swift, whose show That Sixties Show didn’t get picked up by the network. That’s when the two women notice that Adrian Toomes is wearing a doo-rag on his head and begin teasing him about it. That’s when Kraven yanks it off his head revealing that Adrian has gotten himself some hair implants, which the girls think is pretty brave. When Kraven goes inside to get something out of the fridge he is ambushed by the Rothsteins who have returned with the Beater and the Chameleon — who still thinks he’s the original Kraven the Hunter. After Kraven has been jolted with a powerful charge of electricity, the Chameleon and the Beater begin pounding on him.[2] Unaware of what just happened, Timber decides to change into her bathing suit so she can go swimming and goes back into the house with Timber. There she is ambushed by the Rothsteins and their hired goons. Not liking Timber, the Rothsteins have the Gopher shoot the wolf in the head. The twin movie producers then decide that Timber is far to beautiful to let go to waste and begin stripping off their clothes, both men intending to rape her at the same time.

Outside, Jane is applying suntan lotion on the Vulture and admits that she finds him kind of attractive. Ben, Rory, and Jane are all about to go for a walk when Kraven comes out of the kitchen and says he was attacked and asks where Timber is. When they say she went to the bedroom to get changes he rushes there and finds Timber huddled in the corner cradling Nickle in her arms. Timber say she tried to fight but they overpowered. Kraven tells Adrian to call an ambulance and then hands him a slip of paper and tells him to call the number on it right after and leave a message saying that he needs help. When Adrian asks Al what he’s going to do, Kraven says he’s going to do what his family does best: hunt. As he walks out of the house he also tells the Vulture that some people are going to die over what has been done.

Recurring Characters

Al Kraven, Timber Hughes, Vulture, Ben Charles, Ned Tannengarden, Joe Rothstein, Harry Rothstein, the Beater, the Gerbil, the Script Doctor, Chameleon, Connie Hunt, Nickle

Continuity Notes

1. At the time of this story the original Kraven the Hunter was dead after he blew his brains out in Amazing Spider-Man #294.

2. Harry Rothstein states that people thought the Chameleon was dead. Prior to his appearance in Get Kraven, the Chameleon had taken a nose dive off the George Washington Bridge doing his best Gwen Stacy impression (that’s not a joke) as seen in Webspinners: Tales of Spider-Man #10-11

Topical References

• Dated pop-culture references: Clint Eastwood, R2D2, Alfred E. Newman, Jar Jar Binks, Jodie Foster, Julia Roberts, Jack Nicholson, Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis, Matthew McConaughy, Jennifer Jason Leigh, John Kennedy, Frank Nitti, Scott Baio, Kevin Smith, Kevin Smith’s failed Superman script, Mary Kate Olsen, George Hamilton, Frank Miller, Frank Sinatra.

• Outdated technology: Connie Hunt’s secretary uses an iMac