How to Get a Head in Bad-Guyvertising

A mean gets into his ride-share and finds himself with a chatty driver. When asked what business he has in New York City, the man tells him that he has learned that every major crime organization in the city are planning a meeting and that he plans on killing them all. This man is, as you may have guessed, the Punisher. When the driver suggests that he try a cronut, the Punisher thinks he might have to try one while he’s in town.

Meanwhile, Boomerang has come to the apartment of the bartender that he’s been dating recently.[1] She is not happy to see him after he tried to hand her off to the Owl to save his own hide. She points a shotgun at him and tells him to get the fuck out of her apartment. He tries to excuse his past behavior and tells her that he has come to patch things up. Her response to this is to fire a warning shot. Even though the shotgun blast was inches away from his head, Fred takes this as foreplay. Fred, continuing to read this situation poorly, figures she needs some more time to her self and uses his rocket boots to leave her apartment, promising to call her.

Meanwhile, Fred’s parole officer — Mach-VII — has learned that Myers is still engaging in criminal activity. Deciding to recruit other heroes to help him bring in Boomerang, Mach-VII places a call to Tony Stark since he has had fought Boomerang in the past as Iron Man. Stark isn’t interested in getting involved with a former member of the Thunderbolts and feeds him a bullshit story about how he was talking to Captain America and Thor and both of them were saying how Abner Jenkins has the skill to handle this on his own. Abner is delighted to hear this and when he tries to add Stark on social media to boost his profile, Stark pretends that he is getting bad reception and disconnects the call. Mach-VII then begins to stress eat until he gets a text from an anonymous contact telling him where he can find Boomerang.

Meanwhile, the Sinister Six have arrived at the riverside docks for their meeting with the Maggia. Speed Demon has brought the had of Silvermane, who he has dressed up like a glam rocker, much to Silvermane’s chagrin. The Beetle thinks they are going to get them all killed, but Boomerang tells her to chill out, saying the real killer is stress.

At that same moment, the Shocker has found himself buried alive after being betrayed by his teammates. He tries to remain calm and begins trying to break himself out of his earthen tomb. Luckily, he is has been found and freed by his friend Hydro-Man. Herman doesn’t know how Morris found him, and is told that the Shocker butt dialed him after getting buried alive. Hydro-Man came to safe him to make up for ratting him out to Hammerhead and even brought him his vibro-gauntlets. The Shocker thanks him and agrees that he needs to get revenge. He then blasts Hydro-Man for ratting him out and runs off to find the rest of the Sinister Six.

Back at the docks, representatives of the Maggia arrive to the meeting. They send Speed Demon first to scope them out. When he presents SIlvermane’s head and determines the mobsters aren’t going to kill him, the rest of the Sinister Six arrive to continue negotiations. As they are discussing matters the ground begins to rumble. That’s when the Beetle offers a sarcastic apology when Tombstone and his gang arrives. She isn’t the only one who is trying to sell out the rest of the team, as Speed Demon has brought Madame Masque’s gang and Overdrive has brought Mister Negative and his Inner Demons. Amused by this situation, Silvermane then yells out that someone is going to shoot, prompting all the rival gangs to start fighting with each other. It’s in the middle of this conflagration that the Beetle notices that Boomerang has disappeared.

This is because Boomerang has high-tailed it out of there. He is disappointed that the rest of the team betrayed him. However, Fred Myer’s comes face to face with is own deceptions when he runs into the Owl and the Chameleon who have teamed up to recover the things that Boomerang has stolen from them. Ever the schemer, Fred tries to convince them that it wasn’t him. However, this ploy doesn’t work and he soon takes a beating from the two mobsters men.

However, this apparently isn’t the real Boomerang that is getting pummeled to death. The real Fred Myers is actually driving to the local baseball stadium. He has since kidnapped Demang Pendak, the star pitcher of New York’s baseball team, a man who stands to beat Fred Myer’s old record. As it turned out, what Fred stole from the Chameleon was a formula that allows him the ability to shapeshift. He uses this ability to disguise himself as Demang Pendak. The ruse works and Fred steps to the pitcher’s mound to relive the record he made before he was kicked out of the league.[2]

Recurring Characters

Sinister Six (Boomerang, the Beetle, Overdrive, the Shocker, Speed Demon), Mach-VII, Hydro-Man, Silvermane, Tombstone, Mister Negative, Owl, Chameleon, Punisher, Tony Stark, Captain Marvel, Demang Pendak, Black Cat (in disguise)

Continuity Notes

1. Next issue, the nameless bartender is revealed to be the Black Cat.

2. As revealed in Superior Foes of Spider-Man #1, Fred Myers was a Major League baseball player until a gambling scandal had him blacklisted from the game and his records stripped from the books.

Topical References

• Real world businesses: Uber

• Dated pop-culture references: Paul Stanley/The Starchild, Kill Bill, Leaders Eat Last

• Boomerang is depicted as going to Citi Field and playing for the New York Mets. This should be considered topical as sports stadiums and baseball teams have changed their names in the past.