Joking Hazard

On social media, Screwball tells her followers to log onto her website for the next target of one of her “Jexting” attacks. At that moment, mayor J. Jonah Jameson is giving a speech to the media about increasing the minimum sentence for super-powered crime in New York City. He is also announcing his plans to shut down the Raft, which he calls a revolving door prison, in order to be replaced with a better facility. Among the gathered press are the Daily Bugle’s Norah Winters and Phil Urich. Urich is bothered by this announcement as it could hamper his ability to make money as the Hobgoblin, particularly since he is paying the Tinkerer for his equipment and he has to pay a licensing fee to use the Hobgoblin identity.[1]

That’s when everyone’s news feeds suddenly get caught. As Jameson’s security detail gets warned about an incoming threat Screwball and the Jester, her new partner in crime, arrive on the scene. Before anyone can stop them the Jester hits Jonah in the face with a pie and Screwball pulls down his pants. Once they get the footage of the prank the pair take off before they can get arrested. New Yorkers all over the city get a good laugh when they see the footage, including Otto Octavius who cackles like a madman. This is at Horizon Labs and his co-workers find “Peter Parker’s” laugh to be deeply disturbing.[2] That’s when Otto gets a call from the private phone line he set up with the mayor.

Moments later, Spider-Man arrives at city hall where J. Jonah Jameson tells his security to stand down as he call his “pal” to help him with his latest problem.[3] Glory Grant is surprised to hear Jonah refer to Spider-Man as his friend.[4] Spider-Man already knows that Jameson wants him to capture Screwball and the Jester, but tells the mayor that such a task is beneath him. Jonah isn’t surprised, recounting how Spider-Man would always put webbing on his chair or use it to shut his mouth. This reminds Otto of all the time Spider-Man would web up his glasses and suddenly changes his mind. He contacts his spider-bots and tells them to search the city for the two pranksters and vows to Jameson that he’ll bring them to justice.

Meanwhile, the Avengers are meeting to discuss their concerns about Spider-Man’s sudden brutality against his foes and his recent killing of Massacre. Thor mirrors Captain America’s concerns after his recent team-up with Spider-Man.[5] Wolverine, however, points out that everyone on the team has blood on their hands in one way or another and asks why they are holding Spider-Man up to a higher standard. Logan suggests that they all just wait and see what happens next.

By this time, Otto has arrived at Empire State University for classes. He arrives just in time to see some of his fellow students making fun of Anna Maria Marconi because she is a little person. At this moment, the spirit of Peter Parker — a prisoner in his own body — has been looking through Otto’s memories to find some way of getting his body back. Octavius’ sudden rage sends Parker hurtling back into one of Otto’s memories. This one is from his childhood and he watches as Otto is bullied by some of his classmates. The kids break his glasses, upsetting Otto because his father will get mad at him. Picking up the shattered frames off the ground, Octavius vows to get revenge on them. Otto catches up with Anna Maria and asks if she wants him to go back and teach them a lesson. She tells “Peter” that she has heard worse and she doesn’t waste her time thinking about jerks like that, saying that she is bigger than they are. That’s when Anna Maria surprises him by saying she has arranged for them to have coffee with their professor, Doctor Don Lemaze so “Parker” can make a better first impression.

Otto Octavius previously went to Empire State University with Lemaze and has dismissed him as a moron. However, in order to make his time at Empire State University as smooth as possible, he grudgingly apologizes for calling Lemaze by his old nickname “The Schnoze”. Suddenly, Otto realizes why Peter Parker became a hero, to vent the frustrations of his daily life on other costumed freaks.

Meanwhile, Screwball and the Jester are still celebrating their latest video which has been getting tons of views. The icing on the cake is that everyone who views the video are leaving themselves open to a phishing operation that is stealing all of their login and password information. However, as they gloat they are unaware that they have been spotted by one of the spider-bots.

Back at ESU, “Peter Parker” is telling Doctor Lemaze about his thesis on neuro-activated cybernetics.[6] However in the middle of his explataion Otto’s spider-bot apps begins going off and he abruptly leaves, telling Lemaza and Anna Maria that something important has come up. Rushing to an alley to change into Spider-Man, Otto spots the two frat boys that were making fun of Anna Maria earlier and smiles when he has a sudden moment of inspiration.

Moments later, while Screwball and Jester are trying to find the next target for humiliation Spider-Man arrives to arrest them, giving them the perfect subject and go live. While the two villains are very agile, Spider-Man manages to land a punch on Screwball. She accuses of Spider-Man of punching her in the boob, causing Otto to become bashful, distracting him enough for the Jester to sling-shot a rubber ball into the wall-crawler’s crotch. As Spider-Man tries to shrug off the pain, the pair then begin pelting him with water balloons filled with paint. One of the balloons hits Spider-Man’s mask obscuring his vision. He rips the lenses off and tosses them to the ground. The Jester, then stomps on the lenses, reminding Otto of his childhood when kids used to break his glasses.

Back at Empire State University, Anna Maria calls “Peter” and tells him that she owes her an explanation for walking out suddenly. That’s when she sees a crowd around an upended car. It’s the one driven by one of the guys who made fun of her earlier. That’s when she hears the two frat bros calling for help in the trunk. Anna wonders who could have done something so awful and calls 911 to get them some help.

Meanwhile, Otto has completely lost his temper and lashes out at Screwball and the Jester. He webs them up and after slamming them against a chimney he begins slashing them with the talons built into his gloves. The entire incident is watched online across the city. While J. Jonah Jameson cheers Spider-Man on, Mary Jane Watches in utter horror. Also watching are Captain America and Wolverine. Seeing this, Logan admits that its time to bring Spider-Man in for questioning.

At that moment, the spirit of Peter Parker emerges from Otto’s memories to see what’s going on and is horrified to see what Otto has done to Screwball and the Jester. Since neither of his foes are laughing, Spider-Man asks them what they have to say for themselves. Bloodied and beaten, Screwball weakly suggests that some people just can’t take a joke.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Screwball, Jester, Peter Parker, Anna Maria Marconi, J. Jonah Jameson, Mary Jane Watson, Avengers (Captain America, Thor, Black Widow, Spider-Woman, Wolverine), Norah Winters, Phil Urich, Glory Grant, Grady Scraps, Sajani Jaffrey, Don Lemaze

Continuity Notes

1. Phil has been the new Hobgoblin since Amazing Spider-Man #649 after stealing the equipment. In the following issue he started going to the Tinkerer for new supplies. Although he usurped the Hobgoblin identtiy he was later forced to pay Roderick Kinglsey, the original Hobgoblin, a licensing fee to continue to use the identity since Amazing Spider-Man #697.

2. You know the drill here. Otto stole Peter Parker’s body. See Amazing Spider-Man #698-700.

3. Jameson mentions how Spider-Man eliminated Massacre. See Superior Spider-Man #4-5.

4. Glory finds this interesting because Jonah has had an ax to grind against Spider-Man dating waaaay back to Amazing Spider-Man #1. Jameson, unaware that Spider-Man’s body is possessed by Doctor Octopus, began thinking of Spider-Man as a hero since Superior Spider-Man #2, after taking a liking to Spider-Man’s sudden change in technique.

5. Thor and Spider-Man worked together to stop Electro in Avenging Spider-Man #18.

6. Otto has been forced to go to ESU to earn a doctorate because Peter Parker never had one. This is because he wishes to create a cybernetic prosthetic for May Parker so she can walk normall again after she was injured during an attack by Terminus. See Amazing Spider-Man #694 and Superior Spider-Man #4.