How the Groonk Stole Christmas!

It is the night before Christmas and Eric Masterson is doing some last minute shopping. Despite his personal problems since being forced to take over the role of Thor he wants to make up for his neglect toward his son by getting him his most wanted gift this season: The Super Jammers Road Riot Racing Tracks.[1] Masterson is currently being hard on himself over how poor a job he is doing in his role as the thunder god as well. Worse, he’s got nowhere to live after his apartment was trashed and he was served an eviction notice.[2]

His thoughts are interrupted when a woman walking in front of him is yanked into a nearby alley. Racing to her aid, he finds that she is fine. She tells Eric that her attacker grabbed a scarf and sweater she bought as a Christmas present and took off. Eric decides to chase after the thief by changing into Thor. With nowhere he can safely stash Kevin’s Christmas present, Masterson is forced to carry it along with him. Unfortunately, he can’t find the thief, who just managed to slip into the sewers. The culprit, a bulky creature that can only say the word “Groonk”, watches as Thor speeds by before retreating into the darkness.

Thor eventually turns back to check on the woman who was robbed. She has summoned the police by this time, and they tell him that this is just the most recent in a string of strange thefts. The thief doesn’t seem to be stealing anything particularly valuable, just presents that have been recently been purchased. With nothing else left to do, Thor takes off so he can finally deliver Kevin’s present.

Changing back to his mortal guise, Eric shows up at the apartment where Kevin lives with his ex-wife Marcy and her new husband Bobby Steele, quarterback for the New York Smashers.[3] Eric is taken aback by how many presents Bobby and Marcy bought for his son. Despite this, Kevin is really happy to see his father and loves the present he got for him. Marcy takes the time to express her concerns over Eric losing his apartment and offers him to stay and celebrate the holidays with them. Eric thanks her but says he needs to get going and says goodbye to everybody. After hugging his son, Masterson departs. Seeing how his father is struggling with things right now, Kevin asks if they can’t do something to cheer his father up.

Outside, Eric decides that he needs to clear his head and changes into Thor again to do some flying. It’s then that the holiday thief strikes again, attacking a man carrying a pile of presents who wanders too close to an alleyway. Thor spots this and gives the thief chase again. This time he catches up to the crook but is suddenly struck by eye beams. Crashing to the ground, Eric is shocked to see the thief is a hulking brute covered in green fur and dressed like Santa. The creature can only say the word “Groonk” and attacks Thor savagely. The clash sends them crashing into a mall full of last minute shoppers. The Groonk (as he comes to be called) manages to get away after using his eye beams to blast a support pillar sending the shoppers into a panicked mob.

Meanwhile, Jackie Lukus comes to Eric Masterson’s house to try and patch things up with Eric, whom she hasn’t spoke with after he caught him in a compromising situation with Leena Moran.[4] Inside, she finds Jerry Sapristi cleaning the place up to help Eric as he clears out his apartment. They are interrupted when a costumed man comes to the door asking for Masterson. Jerry and Jackie are shocked by who it is and tells him that Eric might be at the hospital visiting Susan Austin.[5]

However, Thor is still fighting the Groonk in the shopping mall. However, when a small dog arrives on the scene and starts barking, the Groonk stops fighting to follow it back to the sewers. Thor follows the monster down in the sewer to renew his attack. This time he is grabbed by a bunch of homeless people to force him to stop fighting the Groonk. As it turns out the Groonk lives with the sewer dwellers and looks after them. Inspired by the Christmas story owned by a little homeless girl named Wendy, the Groonk went to the surface to steal Christmas gifts for his people. Realizing that the Groonk didn’t mean any harm, and with Wendy begging Thor not to turn him in, Eric decides to leave them be.

Reverting back to his mortal guise, Eric pays a visit to Susan Austin who is still in a coma following her life saving surgery. He confides all of his hard luck to the sleeping Susan who surprises him by waking up. The hospital staff — including Susan’s doctor Gary Paretsky — are shocked to see that she is awake and consider this a Christmas miracle. This lightens Eric’s mood and as he leaves the hospital he is approached by Captain America. Cap commends Eric for dealing with the Christmas thief and, after hearing how Eric is now homeless, offers to him a room at Avengers Headquarters to stay in until he can find a new place to live.

Cap’s generosity also comes with a speech about how Eric has the potential to become the greatest Avenger of all. This weighs heavily on Eric as he heads back to his apartment to pick up some things. There he is surprised to find Kevin and Marcy there waiting for him. As it turns out, they got all of Eric’s friends together to help him celebrate Christmas. Everyone from “Harry Cleese” to the Sapristi family have turned up to help put together a holiday party for Eric.

Recurring Characters

Thor, Captain America, Hercules, Kevin Masterson, Bobby Steele, Marcy Steele, Jackie Lukus, Jerry Sapristi, Pietro Sapristi, Giovanni Sapristi, Gabrella Sapristi, Ernesto Sapristi, Rosa Sapristi, Ed Marrero, Samantha Joyce, Aloysius Jamesly

Continuity Notes

1. Eric’s personal life has been a disaster since he was first merge with Thor in issue #408 and forced to take on the mantle in issue #423. He gave up custody of his son in Thor #421.

2. Eric’s apartment has been attacked multiple times in the past. First by the Dark Dweller in Thor #416-417, then by Stellaris in issue #420-421, and again in issue #438. This led to his landlord issuing an eviction notice last issue.

3. Eric makes a passing comment about how poorly the Smashers are doing. Bobby blames it on bad officiation. This is setting the stage for Bobby’s personal troubles. He suffered concussions while playing football. With his flagging performance, he has begun to take steroids. Despite this, his teammates are starting to blame him for the Smasher’s poor performance. This is all laid out in Thunderstrike #5.

4. Jackie walked in on Eric and Leena in Thor #437. What nobody suspects is that Moran is really the Enchantress in disguise, as readers learned in issue #431.

5. Susan Austin was injured by one of Loki’s mystical bolt in Thor #423. She was in a coma until she received a life saving surgery in issue #442.

Topical References

• This story is inspired by and partially adapted from “The Grinch Who Stole Christmas” a book by Dr. Seuss. References to the book in this story would not be considered topical as the works of Dr. Seuss is considered classical literature.

• Seeing the gift that Eric has bought for his son, one of the officers mentions that he managed to buy one himself at half-price as it was on sale at Toys ‘R Us. This should be considered a topical reference as this is a real world company.

• According to the Sliding Timescale, this story couldn’t happen at Christmas time. Despite this, it is hard to reconcile this story as anything but a Christmas tale. How this can be reconciled is anyone’s guess.