Gauntlet Origins: Rhino

In a South American dictatorship, the Rhino prepares for his next job. He sees that both the dictator and the rebels opposing him are screwing over the people who live there. However, he doesn’t have much sympathy for them because he thinks they are dumb for being born in such an awful place. Charging out of the jungle, the Rhino storms the rebel base. As their bullets bounce harmlessly off his armored hide, he makes short work. Soon, the dictator arrives with a battalion of tanks to assess the damage. The Rhino watches from the bushes, caring little about the state of things in this country because he was hired to do a job. He thinks back to when he saw the movie Scarface as a kid. He remembers a line from that movie which preached that first, you get money, then power, then women. This convinced him to become a crook but somewhere along the way, Alexi Sytsevich got stuck at the money part. He remembers when he was approached by two scientists who used to ply their trade in Russia. However, they decided to use their expertise for criminal pursuits as it paid much better. They pitched Alexi of being their test subject for their rhino armor grafting process. He remembers that they used a lot of really big words that he didn’t really understand and just nodded along. All he cared about was the ten grand they were paying him to undergo the painful process so he could do this job.[1]

When the Rhino returns to his handlers they are furious because he screwed up the job, they were hired by the rebels to take down the government. The Rhino admits that he got confused when he saw the rebels were flying the government flag. He then remembers they were flying the flag upsidedown — a universal sign of protesting a tyrannical government — and admits that he got confused. The two scientists who gave the Rhino his new abilities are furious because now the rebel leaders are without a base and they have put a bounty on their heads. The only way they can save face now is by convincing the rebels that the Rhino was an idiot. When one of the scientists begins hurling insults at him, the Rhino doesn’t like being called stupid and tosses him out of their base of operations. Admitting to himself that he’s — at the very least — a simple man, the Rhino is also not one to leave a job unfinished.

Later that day, the general is moving his army across the country in a train they soon find themselves on a collision course with the Rhino. As he charges at the train, the Rhino thinks about how gets hired to knock things down and sometimes he even gets paid for it and how much he loves it.

Recurring Characters

Rhino, Igor Stanislav, Gregori Rezkinova|

Continuity Notes

1. The scientists in this story are unnamed however Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #9 identifies them as Igor Stanislav, Gregori Rezkinova|. This story also makes an attempt to update the Rhino’s origins. In Amazing Spider-Man #43 which states that the scientists who gave him his powers were Soviet spies. Since the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1989 this has since been made a topical reference. Since then they were considered Russian spies as opposed to Soviet ones. This story attempts to excise their government affiliation. However, it’s my experience that the Marvel Universe is a fictional world of inclusion instead of exclusion (meaning they don’t do hard retcons ala DC Comics) The last Rhino profile predates this story, but I suspect that later profiles would suggest that the Rhino’s handlers were spies who also took jobs on the side for more money since, as they say in the story, working for the Russian government doesn’t pay much. That’s my speculation, at the end of the day Marvel typically puts an effort to make conflicting accounts work together rather than outright ignoring one over the other. That said, until an official statement is made it’s up to readers to speculate how these two facts can work together.

Love & Marriage

May Parker is on her honeymoon with her new husband, Jay Jameson as they travel the world. She does take the time to write letters to her nephew Peter Parker back home.[1] Staying at a resort in Hawaii, May and Jay have spent three days in their room with the do not disturb sign on the door. This has earned the ire of one of the janitors who want to clean the room. When her co-worker explains that it is being rented by some newlyweds. Assuming they're a young couple, the janitor wants to knock down their door and have some choice words for them on the subject of marriage since she has buried one husband and divorced another. This bickering is interrupted when Jay — wearing nothing but a towel — comes out and asks them to keep it down because his wife is trying to rest. Seeing that Jay is actually an elderly man stuns the two cleaning ladies into silence. Returning to bed, Jay has a good laugh when he tells May about the reaction the cleaners had. Although May has enjoyed their time alone, she tells him that she’s only ever been outside of New York City a handful of times and would like to go out since they’re supposed to be seeing the world. Going out to the beach, Jay and May are observed by a younger couple. When Jay bends down to pick up a seashell he pretends to hurt his back. But this is all a prank to get May off guard before he sweeps her off her feet and carries her into the ocean.

They soon begin traveling the world and May writes to her nephew telling her of all the places and sights she has seen as they visit England, Ireland, France, and Greece. She can’t believe how big the world actually is and is glad that she is seeing it with the man she now loves. She finds it all very wonderful, almost frightening how wonderful. Eventually, the couple ends up in India where they visit the Taj Mahal. There, May begins to feel a little depressed. Noticing this, Jay asks her what’s wrong. May recalls how her life was never easy, particularly her childhood.[2] She then found Ben Parker and all of those old wounds were healed until she lost him.[3] Then, years later, she met and fell in love with Nathan Lubensky, but she lost him also.[4] Thinking of these men now, May worries about how long her and Jay’s happiness will last. Jay admits that he thinks about the same thing himself, but they shouldn’t let the looming specter of death prevent them from enjoying their time together and that it makes them cherish every moment that much more.

Later, when they arrive at the Indira Gandhi Airport, Jay suggests that they go to Thailand next since he’s never been there before. May is reluctant at first because she’s been away from home for so long but decides that they should go anyway. Delighted, Jay bends over to pick up their luggage and suddenly hurts his back, for real this time. At first, May laughs, thinking this is another one of Jay’s pranks but he insists that he is being serious this time. May simple kisses Jay on the cheek and tells him they’ll get through this together, reminding him that’s what marriages are for.

Recurring Characters

Aunt May, Jay Jameson

Continuity Notes

1. Here are some facts that you need to know right out the gate:

• May and Jay Jameson got married in Amazing Spider-Man #600

• May mentions Peter dating a woman named “Michele”. She is referring to Michelle Gonzales. She and Peter are not dating. In fact, Michelle is the sister of his former roommate who has been living in his apartment since Amazing Spider-Man Extra! #3 (long story). She accompanied Peter to May’s wedding when he couldn’t find a date. She got drunk and was obnoxious the entire wedding.

• She hopes that the date Peter went on with that Hebe woman that she met when she briefly returned to New York went well. She is referring to Hebe Panhellenios, who — unknown to May — is the Greek Goddess of Youth. May hired her on at the FEAST Center in Incredible Hercules #135 and introduced her to her nephew in issue #137 of that series. She tried to set them up on a date in Hercules: Assault on Olympus #1, but Hercules had an issue with that since they used to be married once upon a time.

2. May’s grew up in poverty with a deadbeat father who would come and go. An uncle who committed suicide. She also briefly dated a petty crook. For more details on May Parker’s past see Peter Parker: Spider-Man #28, Amazing Spider-Man #370, Amazing Spider-Man Family #7, Amazing Spider-Man #147, Amazing Spider-Man Annual #5, Amazing Spider-Man #600, and Peter Parker the Spectacular Spider-Man Annual #4.

3. Man it’s got to suck to live under the shadow of Ben Parker (Amazing Fantasy #15) a guy who has been dead for 13 years at the time of this story (Per the Sliding Timescale)

4. May Parker first met Nathan Lubensky in Peter Parker the Spectacular Spider-Man #47, five years after Ben’s death (per the Sliding Timescale). The couple lived together and were engaged to be married for a while. Ultimately, Nathan’s gambling addiction drove a wedge between the two. Nathan later died of heart failure in Amazing Spider-Man #336.