Dreams for Sale

This is literally the worst Young Allies story ever written so I’m going to try and get through this as quickly as possible because, honestly, there is not a whole hell of a lot to it.

The story begins with a man named Jonas Morpheo who owns a shop that sells dreams. He has a special plant that blooms only once every 100 years and he uses the seeds to distill into a formula that can give people the dreams they so desire. For example, when a hungry homeless man comes into his shop, he sells the man a dream solution where he dreams about eating. The homeless guy is still probably going to starve in the street but thank goodness he bought a dream about eating with the only money he had!!!

So anyway, a crook buys a dream package to pull of an unbeatable crime. He and his men try to rob a payroll delivery and they are stopped by the Young Allies because they didn’t expect the young heroes to suddenly interfere with their robbery. The crook goes back to buy some more dream seeds to find a way to commit a crime and eliminate the Young Allies. However, Bucky and the rest discover his secret and get dream seeds of their own and figure out a way to foil his bank robbery and catch him.

There is a lot more to it than that, but honestly, this story is so fucking stupid I can’t get into more detail lest my eyes roll right out of my skull.

Recurring Characters

Young Allies (Bucky, Toro, Knuckles O’Toole, Jeff Vandergill, Tubby Tinkle, Whitewash Jones)

Murder Without Dividends

Mike Trapp arrives at the scene of a murder where a man is shot in the head. When the driver explains a hitchhiker did it, Trapp deduces this is a lie since the bullet struck the victim in the head on the opposite side, incriminating the driver of the murder.

Recurring Characters

Mike Trapp, Pepper Burns

Pie-Eyed Plunder

Oh speaking of stupid stories this one is even worse because the central plot is about fat shaming Tubby Tinkle. Tubby is working at a bakery and is not getting paid an agreeable wage. Meanwhile, a pair of crooks steal a pearl necklace and when fleeing from the law they run into the bakery and hide the pearls in one of the pies. As you can expect, Tubby eats a bunch of the pies and the crooks think he ate it and, instead of doing something practical like waiting until the kid shits them out, they try to cut him open right in the middle of the street.

The other Young Allies stop them and apprehend the crooks and turn them over to the authorities. They then discover that the necklace was in one of the pies that Tubby hadn’t eaten. The whole experience shames Tubby into not wanting to eat pies ever again. The End.

Recurring Characters

Young Allies (Bucky, Toro, Knuckles O’Toole, Jeff Vandergill, Tubby Tinkle, Whitewash Jones)

The Mad Monarchs of Rome

Tommy Time is working as a paperboy and when the news comes out that the War is over one of the other newspaper boys tells him that there were dictators in history that were just as bad as Hitler and the Nazis. Curious, Tommy uses his Clock of the Ages to see if this is true or not. He first arrives in Rome circa 305 AD. There he witnesses as Galerius is forcing Christians into the coliseum to fight to the death. He convinces the people of Greece to raise up arms and dispose of Galerius. After the revolt is in full swing, Tommy is certain that they will win and uses the Clock of the Ages to go back further to the year 68 AD. He arrives just as Rome is burning and Emperor Nero is playing the harp as it burns. Once again he convinces the local to revolt against their master before returning to his own time. The whole experience convinces Tommy that Hitler was not a dictator exclusive to his own time is glad to see that when a tyrant takes over the people will eventually rise up and dispose of them.

Recurring Characters

Tommy Tyme, Emperor Nero

Continuity Notes

• Tommy Tyme doesn’t seem to remember that he previously encountered Nero in Mystic Comics (Vol. 2) #1. I know he’s not the brightest kid, but seriously how stupid can you be?

The Crown of Quetzacoatl

Jeff has fallen head-over-heels for a girl named Susan Lorimer but is too shy to talk to her so Bucky does it for him. They learn that she is the daughter of an explorer named John Lorimers who had recently went missing in South America searching for the Crown of Quetzacoatl. He believes Quetzacoatl was the first white man to explore to the New World and hopes to find the crown and examine it and learn the origins of the traveler based on the how the crown was fashioned.

While the Young Allies are learning this they are suddenly attacked by a group of pygmies (ugh) but it all turns out to be a huge misunderstanding. These South Americans were seeking Susan because her father isn’t being allowed to leave with the crown and he misses her so she and the Young Allies agree to go. Meanwhile, John Lorimers had tried to get in touch with his daughter previously with a letter in a bottle (seriously?) and it is found by some crooks who decide to go to South America to steal the crown for themselves.

You can guess what happened next in this awful story: The Young Allies help protect the crown, save the day. Daddy and daughter get reunited. The crown reveals that Quetzacoatl was from Assyria (ummm Assyrians were not white BTW). The Young Allies head home and Jeff is upset that the girl wants to stay behind to be with her father.

Recurring Characters

Young Allies (Bucky, Toro, Knuckles O’Toole, Jeff Vandergill, Tubby Tinkle, Whitewash Jones)

Continuity Notes

• Per What If? #4, the appearances of Bucky in this issue are attributed to Fred Davis.