Young Masters, Part 1

Somewhere in New York, a bodega is being robbed by a gang of thugs. Once they rush outside, they find themselves confronted by a group of teenaged heroes who are calling themselves the Young Avengers. However, these aren’t the Young Avengers of old, but a new team trying to lay claim to the title. They include the multi-armed Coat of Arms (Lisa Molinari), the self-explanatory Melter (Chris Colchiss), the gun toting Executioner (Danny DuBois), Asgardian themed Enchantress (Sylvia Lushton), the giantess fascist known as Big Zero (Amity Hunter), and her faithful android, Egghead. When Melter orders the thieves to stand down, they respond by opening fire instead.

While the Melter and Enchantress use their powers to destroy or block the oncoming bullets, Big Zero literally stomps on one of the crooks, killing him instantly. Melter tries to remind her that they are supposed to be heroes, but the Executioner points out that a gun fight isn’t the time to chide teammates on morality because the bad guys are getting away. The Melter reacts by melting a hole in the sidewalk in front of the fleeing crooks and is instantly horrified when he hears people screaming from the subway station below. Still, this stops the thieves allowing the Executioner to gun one down while the Enchantress uses her magic to transform the other into a lasso Apso.

The last crook standing surrenders, but begins questioning their tactics since this is not how superheroes are supposed to behave. Coat of Arms is recording the entire thing and explains that they are misunderstood teenagers on the run from authority and can’t have anyone recognizing them. She then orders Egghead to use his phasing powers to put the lone survivor into a coma. Egghead complies, setting it so the man is blacked out for the next 30 years, which they calculate as the time it will take for people not to care about this incident anymore.

With the battle over and police sirens in the background, the Enchantress puts Melter’s mind at ease by assuring him that nobody in the subway was harmed. Coat of Arms then suggests they leave because it is now beer o’clock. The group retreat and meet up later at a bar in their civilian guises. With Sylvia using her magic to make the bartender think they are over 21, they all chat about their first outing as a team and what went wrong. Chris tells the others that there will be a team meeting after word and he wants to have specific words with both Danny and Amity about killing criminals. When two police officers enter the bar, Chris has Sylvia teleport the team away to their hideout the so-called Invisible Manor located in Central Park.

Chris takes this as a good time to start the meeting. Amity doesn’t want to hear it and goes up to bed. Danny, however, justifies his use of lethal force because one of the thieves was previously convicted of murder and another of rape. On top of that, there is what they did to the store owner before robbing him. Chris can see everyone is still worked up and decides to resume this discussion in the morning when everyone has gotten time to cool down.

Coat of Arms retires to her artist’s studio where she paints her own version of Andrea Mantegna’s St. Sebastian painting. Her version has Captain America tied to the pillar gored with arrows. She also includes comic book style word balloons that ask “Anything is permitted who is the greatest artist: Gene Colan or Norman Osborn The tension between hope and the need to control our emotions”[1] Melter and the Enchantress head off to bed together. Chris wants to talk about his suspicions that Big Zero and Egghead are in a romantic relationship, but Sylvia is more interested in going to bed for some love making. In the next room, Big Zero is continuing to reprogram Egghead — who was designed to respect all human life — to use more racially hateful vocabulary. When this doesn’t really work out as she planned, she decides to fuck the android since he earned it. The Executioner, meanwhile, is going over the FBI’s most wanted list when he gets a phone call from his mother. He is annoyed by the interruption and after confirming he got the money she wired him he paints a rosier picture of how things are going with his team of Young Avengers before hanging up in frustration.[2]

The next morning Lisa and Chris go out for coffee to discuss the direction the team is going. Coat of Arm’s whole motivation for the Young Avengers is a study in what makes a hero. She asks him if the Executioner is a hero when compared to the likes of the Punisher and Wolverine, or even Captain America. She even points to how the line between who and what the Avengers have blurred since there are so many teams that use that name. She asks him which group is the right one.[3] Chris has no clear answer and what she says gives him a lot to think about. He then has private conversations with the others and each one convinces Chris to overlook their more problematic aspects. The Executioner convinces Melter that he’s not any different than the Punisher, the Enchantress handwaves a recent diamond theft since she was robbing from the rich just like Robin Hood. He’s not so forgiving to Big Zero and Egghead and their accelerationist ways but decides that if Coat of Arms wants them on the team then that’s good enough for now.

Processing all of this Chris realizes that he was too timid but struggles with ideas on how to turn things around. That’s when an old woman walking past with groceries trips and falls. When Chris goes to try and help she panics and accuses him of being a thief. As he tries to explain himself she sprays him in the face with a can of mace causing him to instinctively lash out with his powers. He realizes too late what he’s done when he can see again, to his horror, that he has reduced the poor old woman to a puddle of blood on the ground. Fearing he’ll get caught he runs off, but luckily nobody really saw what happened and he gets back to the Invisible Mansion without issue.

His arrival coincides with the arrival of the real Young Avengers — Patriot, Hulkling, Wiccan, Stature, Vision, Hawkeye, and Speed — who have come to confront these wannabes for using their name!

Recurring Characters

“Young Avengers” (Coat of Arms, Melter, Enchantress, Executioner, Big Zero, Egghead), Young Avengers (Patriot, Hulkling, Wiccan, Stature, Vision, Hawkeye, Speed)

Continuity Notes

1. This painting has layers of hidden meaning:

   • The reference to Norman Osborn is in regards to the fact that, at the time of this story, he was made the Top Cop in America after killing the leader of a Skrull invasion of Earth in Secret Invasion #8. Osborn will retain this role until Siege #4.

   • That Captain America is the center piece of this painting is in reference to the fact that everyone believes Cap had died in Captain America (vol. 5) #25. In reality, Steve Rogers was shot with a chronal bullet and is now re-living his life in a constant loop. He will remain in this purgatory until Captain America: Reborn #1-6.

   • The late Gene Colan (1926-2011) was by this point a legendary artist in the comic book industry that the time of this story. His notable works included runs on Daredevil, Detective Comics, Batman, Doctor Strange, Howard the Duck, and Tomb of Dracula. While real life people being referenced in comics are typically considered topical, this is not true of Marvel creators. Since Fantastic Four #10 (starting with Stan and Jack) they appear in the comics as themselves, only in the relative prime of their lives. Some even appearing after the creator in question has died IRL. That said, to date (May, 2024), Gene Colan has only ever been depicted in a meta story in Daredevil Annual #1, a humor tale about Gene and Stan Lee having a story conference on an upcoming Daredevil plot.

2. Next issue we will learn that the Executioner’s mother is one Zelda DuBois, aka Princess Python of the Circus of Crime.

3. Coat of Arms refers to four specific teams of Avengers that were or have existed prior:

   • The legacy team refers to the OG Avengers who first formed in (you guessed it) Avengers #1, and disbanded in Avengers: Finale #1. They will reform in Avengers (vol. 4) #1.

   • The Government team is referring to Norman Osborn’s newly formed team that first appeared in Dark Avengers #1.

   • The rebels is in reference to the New Avengers. While they were formed in New Avengers #1, the core of the team became outlaws for standing against the Super Human Registration Act (SHRA) when it was passed into law in Civil War #3.

   • The international team refers to Hank Pym’s newly formed Mighty Avengers who were put together in the wake of the Secret Invasion, as seen in Mighty Avengers #21.

Topical References

• When Big Zero stomps one of the thieves to death under her boot, she quips that her favorite comedy is Monty Python. This is a comedy troupe best known for their TV series Monty Python’s Flying Circus which originally ran from 1969-1974. One of the series hallmarks was the use of classical and period paintings and artwork for crude animations. One running gag was having a giant foot squash something or other. This is such a specific joke it’d be hard to make it a topical reference without changing the nature of the joke because there aren’t many contemporary examples you can slot in its place.

• Coat of Arms is depicted recording the foiled robbery on a camcorder which were still commonly used at the time when this story was published in 2009. However, these quickly fell out of common use not long after thanks to the advent and proliferation of smart phones with built in cameras. As such its depiction here should be considered topical.

• At the bar, Big Zero quips about Melter’s subway gaffe was like something out of Austin Powers. This was a trilogy of films starring comedian Mike Myers as the titular character. It was a lampooned both the James Bond series of films as well as the culture of the late 1960s. Powers was a secret agent who dressed in loud outfits and talked in dated slang and despite his goofy appearance tried to romance women while on a mission. His recurring villain (also played by Myers) was the dimwitted mad scientist known as Doctor Evil. There were three films in the franchise that were released between 1996 and 2002. There was a good 5 years where quotes from this movie were beat to death in the cultural zeitgeist of the era, but this was already dated when this issue was published. This is a topical reference because it can easily be slotted with a more contemporary comedy and the quip would still work.

• Speaking of dated technology, the Executioner is depicted as having a “slip” style cell phone with physical buttons. These were still common at the time this story was published and have fallen out of common use thanks to smart phones (again).

• Coat of Arms states that the President of the United States is Barack Obama. Obama led the country for two terms from 2009 to 2017. She evokes him as a contrast to Norman Osborn being the Director of HAMMER. While this is an juxtaposition to the point she is making, it should be considered a topical reference she is referencing Obama as the current President. Modern readers should reinterpret this to be a comparison to an Obma-esque President but not him specifically, perhaps a Commander-in-Chief who is unique to the fiction.