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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Avengers #75

Avengers #75

The Warlord and the Witch

Now

Edwin Jarvis, the Avengers Butler, has raced to the security monitor when the alarm begins to sound. On the monitors, he sees that there is an intruder in the mansion and tries to use the automated defenses to stop them. Unfortunately, this intruder moves at super-speed and is able to evade all the traps. When the intruder enters the security room, Jarvis is relieved to see that it is Quicksilver.[1] When Pietro demands to know where the Avengers are, Jarvis tells them that they are at the pier. Quicksilver apologizes for being so rough but when Jarvis mentions his sister, the Scarlet Witch, Pietro remembers that Wanda is in trouble and races off to find his former comrades.

On the pier, Henry Pym and Janet Van Dyne have announced that they are taking a leave of absence from the Avengers. The government has asked Hank to head up to Alaska to do an environmental assessment of the oil fields in the region and their effect on local wildlife. Accompanying the couple on this expedition is Hank’s lab assistant, Bill Foster. After the Pyms have left, Quicksilver arrives and the Avengers mistake his arrival for an attack. However, Quicksilver is ill-prepared for the Vision’s ability to change his density and is knocked into some shipping crates. Once he has settled down, Pietro apologizes for racing in, telling them that his sister is in trouble.

Then

Starting from the beginning, Pietro tells his former teammates how he and the Toad followed his sister on a quest through Europe to find a means of restoring her lost hex powers through reading magical tomes.[2] At the time, Pietro couldn’t understand how magic could restore her powers when they are both mutants.[3] That’s when his elbow brushed against a secret panel revealing an ancient magical text. However, the spell the Wanda ended up reading opened a portal between dimensions bringing a warrior named Arkon to Earth. Seeing how beautiful Wanda was, Arkon decided that he would take her to be his bride. Naturally, both the Toad and Quicksilver had issue with this and attempted to attack the newcomer. Arkon, however, proved more than a match. Knocking Pietro aside, Arkon then used the lightning bolts in his quiver to send the Toad to his dimension.

Arkon then explained to Wanda that he comes from a world parallel to Earth. There he has ruled for over a century on a planet where constant war is a way of life.[4] However, his world was lit by rings of energy that circled the planet, and one day, the sky went dark. Soon the crops on his world began to wither and die and his people began to grow sick. One day, the light returned to their world. His advisor, Greybeard, had observed that this was because the scientists of Earth found a way to create an atomic bomb.[5] With each atomic bomb blast over the years gave Arkon and his people more time. It was soon determined that a nuclear explosion powerful to annihilate all life on Earth could give Arkon’s world enough light for eternity. Arkon also observed the rise of mutants, who were birthed by the splitting of the atom, and became aware of the Scarlet Witch and decided that before destroying the Earth he would claim Wanda as his bride. When Pietro tried to stop Arkon, he teleported away with his sister, prompting him to seek out the Avengers for help.

Now

Pietro is finishing his story as the Avengers are walking back to the Mansion. Having stopped outside an electronics shop they catch a news broadcast at the United Nations. Moments earlier, during a major conference between the world’s top nuclear scientists, Akron suddenly appeared. He then teleported a number of nuclear scientists back to his dimension before disappearing himself. This led the delegates of the United Nations to argue with one another over who was responsible for the kidnapping. The reporter on the scene tells the viewing audience that whoever is responsible for what just happened might have triggered the end of the world.

Recurring Characters

Avengers (Captain America, Yellowjacket, Wasp, Goliath, Black Panther, the Vision), Quicksilver, the Scarlet Witch, Arkon, Toad, Bill Foster, Edwin Jarvis, Greybeard

Continuity Notes

  1. Quicksilver mentions the last time he met with Jarvis. This was in Amazing Spider-Man #71. He was seeking the Avengers out after he and his sister became outcasts after being manipulated into rejoining the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. See Avengers #53 for the deets.

  2. The Scarlet Witch seemingly lost her powers when a bullet creased her brow in Avengers #49. However, it is later revealed in Avengers #185-187, that this was the work of the demon Chthon who is attempting to lure Wanda bake to Transia and Mount Wundagore so he can take over her body. Her powers will be restored next issue.

  3. Actually, Pietro and Wanda are not mutants at all. As explained in Uncanny Avengers (vol. 2) #4-5, the twins were experimented upon by the High Evolutionary as children. When he was done, he covered up his work by making it so genetic scans would identify them as mutants.

  4. Arkon’s world is not mentioned by name here. It is identified as Polemachus in the Arkon entry in Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe #1.

  5. Arkon states here that he observed Earth for two decades. There are all sorts of problems with this, see below.

Topical References

  • Dated technology: the news photographers are using cameras with flashbulbs.

  • Dated pop-culture references: Speedy Gonzales

  • An electronics store has televisions on sale in the shop window for $499. Presumably, these are color CRT televisions. Not only are the televisions depicted here topical, $499 is the average cost for a cheap television these days. $499 of 1970 money would be worth $3382.58 in 2021 money. At the time of this writing that would be the cost of an 70+” brand name 8K flatscreen television.

The Passage of Time in Arkon’s Dimension

In this story, Arkon states that he observed Earth for 20 years. Since this story was written before the Sliding Timescale was established, it seems that writer Roy Thomas’ intent was that Arkon observed Earth in the time between the first nuclear bomb drop in 1945 and when this comic was published in 1970.

Typically this sort of thing is chalked up to being a topical reference. However, Avengers (vol. 3) #16-18, demonstrates that the passage of time between Polmachus and Earth are vastly different. Time flows faster on Polemachus. Resources like the Appendix to the Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe have suggested that this might be an explanation for how Arkon has observed Earth for 20 years when more time has passed.

However, this creates problems of its own since, as the Sliding Timescale pushes the Modern Age of the Marvel Universe forward, then — in turn — time on Polemachus would have to move at a faster rate. For example, I’m writing this in March of 2021. At the time of this writing the Modern Age of the Marvel Universe has “existed” in-universe for 15 years, with this story happening in its 3rd year. 2021 -12 = 2009 - 1945 = about 64 years since the first nuclear bomb drop. By that measurement, almost 3.5 years pass on Earth for every year on Polemachus and that gap is only going to grow larger. Eventually, it will get to a point where the time lag traveling between Polmachus and Earth would be spread out by days instead of hours and that would just fuck up continuity far too much.

I think this is one of those rare cases where the Appendix has tried to reinvent the wheel instead of sticking with Occam’s Razor. While it’s been established there is a time lag between the two dimensions, I think it’s safer to assume it too is dictated by the Sliding Timescale so that it is relative to the time in the Modern Age and that Arkon’s “20-year” statement here is nothing more than a topical reference.

Traveling To and From Arkon’s Dimension

This story states that Arkon and his people could not travel to Earth’s dimension without the Scarlet Witch casting a spell to bring Arkon to that world. Then, almost in contradiction this first statement, Arkon begins hurling lightning bolts that banish people to Polmachus. This is never clearly explained, and in subsequent appearances, people have been able to travel between dimensions without issue. My assumption is that there was a barrier that prevented travel between both worlds until the Scarlet Witch cast the spell and that barrier was forever broken, hence how travel between Earth and Polemachus has never been a problem for anyone with Arkon’s lightning bolts or an enchanted Uru hammer.

Avengers #74

Avengers #74

Avengers #76

Avengers #76