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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Black Panther (vol. 4) #30

Black Panther (vol. 4) #30

Absolutely No Way to Win

King Solomon’s Frogs have transported the Fantastic Four — Black Panther (T’Challa), Storm (Ororo Monroe), Human Torch (Johnny Storm), and the Thing (Ben Grimm) — to a nightmarish alternate reality. Trapped on the Skrull home world, the team discovered this universe has been nearly wiped out by group of zombified superheroes from Earth with the powers of Galactus.[2] Trying to escape the planet, their ship was forced to crash. Now, T’Challa and his team are forced to fight a Skrull version of the Fantastic Four that have also been turned into flesh-eating zombies.

This is a tough situation for Johnny as one of this “Skrull Fantastic Four” includes this reality’s version of Lyja, his ex-wife, who has the same invisibility powers as his sister, Sue.[3] This hesitation leaves him getting trapped in an invisible force field with no air. Luckily, Storm is able to strike down Lyja with a bolt of lightning, saving Johnny from suffocating. Trying to fight these monsters, the Fantastic Four discover that despite being undead zombies with rotting corpses, they can take a lot of punishment and keep getting back up. They stop the Skrull version of the Thing by trapping it in molten metal from the burning ship. Next, they decapitate Lyja, making her body lifeless. However, Johnny once again freaks out and is nearly bit, if not for the intervention of his teammates. He is then forced to incinerate the zombie “Mister Fantastic” as it is the only way to destroy his mailable body.

That’s when the zombie Human Torch, who was previously impaled through the chest by Storm, gets free. But, before he can lunge at the Fantastic For, he is atomized by the cosmic power of Earth’s zombies — Giant-Man, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Hulk, Luke Cage, and Wolverine — who have finally caught up with them. Giant-Man orders them to hand over King Solomon’s Frogs and nobody will get hurt. Johnny tells him they have no credibility since they literally witnessed them eat an entire planet full of Skrulls. This causes Spider-Man to be filled with guilt and horror. He points out to his fellow zombies that they used to be heroes, now they are monsters worse than the villains they used to fight. Giant-Man tries to rationalize this, reminding him that their Reed Richards chose to become a zombie, as this is likely the proper state they need to be in.[4] Iron Man goes a step further, saying that because they were zombies they have been able to neutralize galactic threats like the Shi’ar and the Badoon. The web-slinger points out that they did this after eating everyone on Earth, and asks who they were actually trying to save.

The others then start pressuring the wall-crawler to man up as they have fresh bodies to eat. While they are busy bickering, the Black Panther uses King Solomon’s Frogs to try to teleport his team to safety. Instead of bringing them someplace else, they end up just outside the ship. Still in danger, T’Challa tells everyone to quietly slink away to avoid being detected.

Meanwhile, the zombies decide to stop bickering in order eat the surviving Skrulls on the crashed ship. That’s when Thanos and Death appear before them to commend them on wiping out all life in the universe, something that Thanos envies.[5][6] That’s when Giant-Man wonders where the Cosmic Cube is, as they could theoretically use it to cure themselves and undo everything they have done. Still filled with guilt over the atrocities he has committed, Spider-Man just wants his tortured existence to come to an end and throws himself at the mercy of Thanos and Death. This gets him close enough to smell that these are actually Skrulls in disguise. With their ruse foiled, the two remaining Skrulls try to offer them a steady food supply by being breeders. However, the greedy zombies swarm the pair.

It’s only when the last two Skrulls are dead does Iron Man realize that they had a point. As they try to figure out what to do next, the Hulk suggests that they eat the planet just like Galactus used to do. This is such a simple solution their problem, the zombies can’t believe nobody else thought of it first.[7]

Meanwhile, the Fantastic Four have been trying to get as far away from the zombies as possible before trying to use King Solomon’s Frogs again. That’s when the planet begins to shake and come apart at the seams as the zombies begin using their Power Cosmic to consume it. When T’Challa tries the frogs again, they are teleported into the Skrull city where they are attacked by the Negative Zone bug — also transformed into a zombie — that they brought with them to this reality.[8] Moments later, the entire planet explodes, leaving only the zombie heroes left. Luke Cage exclaims that it was good eating!

Recurring Characters

Fantastic Four (Black Panther, Storm, Human Torch, Thing), Skrull “Fantastic Four” (only Lyja named), Marvel Zombies (Spider-Man, Iron Man, Giant-Man, Hulk, Luke Cage, Wolverine), Taptor (unnamed)

Continuity Notes

  1. The cover of this issue pays homage to the Jack Kirby cover to Fantastic Four #4.

  2. As will be verified next issue, the Fantastic Four have been transported to an alternate reality. Per Marvel Zombies: The Book of Angels, Demons & Various Monstrosities #1, this is Reality-2149. As seen in Ultimate Fantastic Four #21-23, this is a world where a contagion turned Earths superheroes into zombies. In Marvel Zombies #1-5, the surviving zombies consumed Galactus when he arrived on Earth and then went into space to literally eat the entire universe. The FF were stranded here three issues ago.

  3. Johnny Storm has a complicated history with the Lyja of his home reality. She took the place of Alicia Masters, a long time associate of the Fantastic Four, to spy on the team back in Fantastic Four #265. In this disguise, she romanced and eventually married Johnny in Fantastic Four #300. Her true identity and mission was exposed in Fantastic Four #358. Lyja would remain with the Fantastic Four for a time, however at the time of this story she had disappeared following the events of Fantastic Four #416. Johnny will learn what happened to his Lyja in Secret Invasion: Fantastic Four #1-3.

  4. Indeed, this reality’s version of Mister Fantastic intentionally zombified himself as we learned in Ultimate Fantastic Four #21-23. This was later depicted in Marvel Zombies: Dead Days #1.

  5. Thanos has been in love with the embodiment of death itself for a long time. Here he references trying to wipe out all life in the universe. He tried doing this in the Prime Marvel Universe as well, as was depicted in Iron Man #55/Captain Marvel #25-33/Marvel Feature #12/Avengers #125.

  6. When confronted with “Thanos” and “Death”, Iron Man quips “Where’s Doctor Strange when you need him?” to which Cage quips that he ate him. Indeed, it seemed like Strange was eaten alive in Marvel Zombies: Dead Days #1, however he appeared as a zombie in Marvel Zombies/Army of Darkness #5.

  7. In most universes, Galactus is known as the great devourer because he consumes entire planets in order to sustain his own existence, as first depicted in Fantastic Four #48-50.

  8. This alien invader goes unnamed here. The Negative Zone entry in Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #8 identifies the bug as Taptor. It was bitten last issue.

Topical References

  • Iron Man mockingly refers to Luke Cage as the “Hannibal of Harlem”. This is a reference to the character Hannibal Lector, a cannibal serial killer and recurring character in books written by Thomas Harris. His novels (Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, and Hannibal Rising) were also adapted to film in the 1990s and 2000s. The character was iconically portrayed by actor Anthony Hopkins. This could be considered a topical reference because you could replace the reference with any other fictional cannibal. However, the films (particularly the adaptation of Silence of the Lambs) is considered a classic. YMMV.

The Initiative Reading Order

Civil War: The Initiative #1, Ms. Marvel (vol. 2) #13, 14, 15, 16, 17, Thunderbolts #112, 113, 114, 115, Omega Flight #1-5, Moon Knight (vol. 3) #13, Captain America (vol. 5) #26, 27, 28, 29, 30, New Avengers #27, 28, 29, 30, 31, New Warriors (vol. 4) #1-8, Black Panther (vol. 4) #27, 28, 29, 30, Iron Man: Agent of SHIELD #15, 16, 17, 18, Avengers: The Initiative #1, 2, 3, Fantastic Four #547, 548, 549, 550, Punisher: War Journal (vol. 2) #6-11, Mighty Avengers #1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Sub-Mariner (vol. 2) #1-6, The Order (vol. 2) 1-4, Penance: Relentless #1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Black Panther (vol. 4) #29

Black Panther (vol. 4) #29

Black Panther (vol. 4) #31

Black Panther (vol. 4) #31