Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #5

Web Log

In high school, Vanna Smith started her own blog, “Vanna Be Alone” where she enjoyed the anonymity of being able to speak her mind. She also enjoyed the fact that she got tons of page views, yet nobody dared to comment on her thoughts and feelings. In her latest blog entry, she talks about how there is a legend that on July 4th, 1776, King George III wrote in his journal that “nothing important happened today” in response to America declaring its independence. She thinks that was a dumb thing to say because something important happens every day, no matter what. She ignores her parents arguing outside her bedroom and continues writing about how, today, she ran into Spider-Man and how she thinks he’s a weirdo…..

It was a normal day, Vanna was talking to her fellow cheerleaders on the bleachers while Flash Thompson was teasing Peter Parker. That’s when they heard police sirens. As she learned, later on, the Vulture had just robbed an armored truck. That’s when the Vulture arrived over the school and ordered the girls to flee. They all did, except for Vanan who was rooted to her seat on the bleachers in fear, although she later said she refused to follow his orders because nobody tells her what to do. that’s when someone behind the bleachers told her to move. It turned out to be Spider-Man who fired webs out from under behind her, snaring the Vulture’s legs. While Spider-Man tried to stop the villain, all Vanna could think about was that Spider-Man was hiding under the bleachers and thinks he was peeping on her. Ultimately, Spider-Man ends up stopping the Vulture by shattering the power pack for his wings with a shot-put. In the aftermath of the battle, Flash Thompson was impressed that Spider-Man saved Vanna. However, Vanna refused to accept that, calling Spider-Man a pervert for sneaking around under the bleachers of a high school.[1] This incident cemented a hatred in Spider-Man which Vanna took very personally, the narcissist soon came to think that the wall-crawler was intentionally targeting her.

A few years later, Vanna had another encounter with Spider-Man that prompted an entry in her blog. She was at the New York Science Museum as part of an assignment at Empire State University. She was going to write a paper on artifacts that were recovered from space, including a rare meteor. When she went to the washroom, Spider-Man suddenly comes crashing in. Spider-Man apologizes for the sudden intrusion. Thinking this was done intentionally, Vanna started hitting Spider-Man over the head with her purse, ranting about how he almost got her killed when the Vulture attacked. Since some time had passed, the web-slinger is confused by what she is talking about. Leaping back out, Spider-Man is knocked back into the washroom yet again. This time his foe, the Looter, comes in and the two start brawling right in the middle of the washroom in front of her. Recalling this on her blog later, Vanna thinks about how the Daily Bugle calls Spider-Man a menace in cahoots with the villains he allegedly fights. Seeing Spider-Man in action for a second time causes Vanna to think that maybe, Spider-Man is getting in all of these fights in an attempt to impress her specifically. Spider-Man quickly knocked the Looter through the wll and leaving out a hole in the wall, calls Vanna a crazy lady, and says they should do this again sometime. Unaccustomed to Spider-Man’s sarcastic sense of humor, Vanna was both insulted by this statement and used it as confirmation for her delusional beliefs.[2]

Over the years, Vanna writes a number of blog posts about instances where she was out minding her business when Spider-Man showed up. One time, it was on the beach when Spider-Man ended up battling the Sandman. Recounting the incident, Vanna is convinced that Spider-Man was only pretending that he was too busy fighting Sandman to notice her and was certain he kept on looking at her. By this point, Vanna is seeing a therapist who is skeptical of her past claims but is certain that this will prove her claims once and for all.[3] The next time it happens, Vanna is sitting in a coffee shop when Spider-Man and the Rhino come crashing through the storefront window. By this point, she thinks Spider-Man’s obsession with her is a “sickness”. She tells her reading audience that she attempted to get the police to do something but was told that without and proof they can’t do anything. She also notes that she fired her therapist. With no other recourse, Vanna tells her readers that she knows what to do.[4] She attempts to get a judge to approve on a restraining order, however, after looking over the evidence, the judge concludes that Vanna hasn’t proven that Spider-Man is stalking her. In fact, he points out that the evidence points that these are merely chance encounters that have happened over the years and that Spider-Man was risking his life to protect innocent people and at no time was there any indication he was attempting to engage with her. However, he remembers how a man once stood before his court and claimed that Martians were manipulating his brainwaves. Although the man was clearly insane, the judge produced the order because it provided the man with peace of mind. As such, he grants her restraining order, however, reduces the limit from 1000 to 500 meters as he doesn’t want Vanna to waste the court’s time every time Spider-Man swings by overhead. As she leaves the court, the judge recommends that she get professional help, she tells him that she already has.

The following day, she goes to the Daily Bugle to meet with J. Jonah Jameson. Jameson is happy to meet Vanna and is proud of her for filing a restraining order because he hopes it will help in his crusade to run Spider-Man out of town. Spotting Peter Parker he calls him in to take a photo of Vanna with her restraining order and it is put on the front page.[5]

Sometime Later[6]

An elderly Vanna leaves her home where she lives alone with her cat. Hanging on one of the walls is a framed edition of the Daily Bugle which features her picture. She goes to the park where she feeds the bird. To her surprise, another woman comes to sit with her and says that she has been reading Vanna’s blog for about forty years. At least about as long as it’s been since Vanna got her picture in the Daily Bugle. Vanna asks how this woman found her, and she admits that it’s pretty easy tracking someone in this day and age. However, it wasn’t difficult as she was still living in the home her family willed to her and has no husband, no children, no friends, and no family. When Vanna demands to know who the woman is, she orders Vanna to sit back down with enough authority that she complies.

The other woman tells Vanna that her restraining order was meaningless. Vanna says it did because she never saw Spider-Man again. However, the woman points out that there a millions of people living in New York City, and it was a bit of a miracle that she saw him in person as many times as she did. Even then, the woman tells her that if Vanna was ever in any danger, nothing would have stopped Spider-Man from saving her life — let alone a restraining order and if Vanna doesn’t believe that she is a bigger fool than this woman takes her for. When Vanna tries to sputter a response, the woman reveals that she is Spider-Man’s widow and as proof, she tosses the tattered and bloody remains of his mask. Vanna almost can’t believe it, as she heard rumors he survived. However, the woman confirms that her husband is dead.

Spider-Man’s widow then gives some very harsh observations on Vanna’s life. She points out that she has accomplished nothing in life and has nothing to show for it. While she can understand that Vanna probably has a reason for her state of life, perhaps it was a screwed up family background. She then says that there are two people in the world: People who use their youthful trauma to be less than they could be, and those who use it to propel them to greatness.[7] Vanna was the former, her husband was the latter. She concludes that for all that Vanna set out to accomplish in life she may as well have not lived at all. That’s when Vanna admits that she misses Spider-Man and that thinking that he was interested in her made her feel special. However, when she looks up to face Spider-Man’s widow, she has disappeared. Vanna then returns home to her computer and begins a new blog entry. After looking at the blank screen for a moment she simply writes “nothing important happened today” and sheds a tear as she publishes the entry.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Vulture, Looter, Sandman, Rhino, J. Jonah Jameson, Flash Thompson

Continuity Notes

Some of the chronology placements are conjecture on my part and have no official or semi-official placement as I write this (July 2020) for more detail on how I come to these conclusions refer to “Chronological Placements” below.

1. This flashback takes place while Peter Parker was still in high school. Per the Marvel Chronology Project, this sequence of events occurs between Untold Tales of Spider-Man #23 and Untold Tales of Spider-Man Annual 1997. Per the Sliding Timescale, this flashback takes place about 12 years prior to the present day in this story.

2. The Chronology Project doesn’t have a placement for this flashback (or the rest for that matter), nor are there any references to this encounter in any Handbook entries for related characters. I think this probably happened during the events of Amazing Spider-Man #36 when Spider-Man first fought the Looter.

3. The Sandman battle here, I believe would fit prior to Marvel Team-Up #39 for both Spider-Man and Sandman

4. The battle with the Rhino I feel takes place between his appearances in Marvel Treasury Edition #12 and Amazing Spider-Man #163 and, for the Rhino prior to his appearance in Defenders #42

5. The Chronology Project states that this fits between Spider-Man’s appearances in Amazing Spider-Man #528 and 529 (right beside a flashback from Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #28). I disagree, as I believe that it is placed prior to Amazing Spider-Man #163 as well, see my reasoning below.

6. This possible future is considered an alternate reality. Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #2 classifies it as Reality-6451. To be clear, this future should not be ascribed to any specific date. Based on my calculations it should be considered as always taking place 41 years after year one of the Modern Age.

7. Yes, she’s talking about Uncle Ben getting killed. Amazing Fantasy #15.

Topical References

The types of computers that Vanna uses over the years and that she also uses compact discs as a storage medium. References to watching CNN.

The scene where the elderly Mary Jane states that it is the mid-21st Century, this should be considered topical as the Modern Age gets bumped forward it will become dated. So should Mary Jane’s statement that New York City’s population is 10 million people. While that milestone hasn’t been reached yet, as I write this (July 2020) New York is at 8 million, so it’s only a matter of time before that projection becomes dated.

Chronological Placements

Unfortunately, as I write this (July 2020), there are no official or semi-official sources that provide all of the chronological points in the various points in this story. I’m basing these on the best evidence I can put together. One of the bases of comparison I’m using is the number of blog entries that Vanna has throughout this story. Assuming that she is writing a blog entry a day you can get a better picture. The story begins with her writing entry #17 when she was still in high school with Peter Parker. The Chronology Project places this as happening between Untold Tales of Spider-Man #23 and Untold Tales of Spider-Man Annual 1997. Those stories are placed as chronologically happening after Amazing Spider-Man #20. Based on the Sliding Timescale, that happened in “Year One” of the Modern Age of the Marvel Universe. Her final entry #15,270 (assuming she writes one post every day) is written roughly 41 years later when she Vanna is an old woman who is probably in her late 50s early 60s which fits my hypothetical measurement of time. It’s also confirmed in the story that it’s been about 40 years. So let’s take a look at these chronological points:

The Looter

Spider-Man’s battle with the Looter at the museum. My guess is that this happened during that course of Amazing Spider-Man #36. That story takes place while Peter is attending Empire State University, and it features a battle in a museum where a rare meteor is on display that the Looter is trying to steal. Since the story was published in 1966, a scene where Spider-Man fighting in a women’s washroom probably wouldn’t have flown with the CAC, but this story (published in 2006) didn’t have those strict limitations. So, in my opinion, this is the best place for this flashback to fit. Specifically, I think this scene could fit neatly between page 11 panel 2 and 3 or even page 1, panel 3 and 4 during Spider-Man’s battle with the Looter in a museum. Plot-wise, I think it fits the latter better since the Looter begins using his dazzle gun and escapes shortly thereafter as that would fit Vanna’s narrative that Spider-Man was only doing this to impress her as he’d take off shortly afterward.

Per the Sliding Timescale that would place this flashback as happening in “Year Two” of the modern age, or about a year after the Vulture incident. This sort of tracks when you compare the blog entry, which is #583, which would place it as happening about 19 months (or a year and 7 months) after the last entry.

The only issue here is that Vanna says that this was a “few years” after the incident with the Vulture. I’m assuming that Peter David is measuring the length of time between stories are based on publication dates as opposed to the Sliding Timescale, which dictates that this encounter would have happened about a year after her last encounter. The “few years” comment therefor should be considered topical.

The Sandman

Vanna’s blog entry is listed as #1479 places it as 4.05 years which based on my calculations places it somewhere around “year four” of the Modern Age or publications that came out between November 1973 and October 1977. My choice to place it between Fantastic Four #148 and Marvel Team-Up #39 is because, during that period, the Sandman was spending a lot of time with the Frightful Four. Also during this period, the Sandman stopped using his high-tech costume that he started wearing in the late 60s in favor of wearing his typical street clothes. I place this story here because following Marvel Team-Up #39-40, Sandman rejoins the Frightful Four and starts wearing his high-tech costume again. I also select this because it the earliest point you can place this Sandman story where (a) he’s not with the Frightful Four and (b) he’s wearing his street clothes instead of his high-tech costume. I also place it before MTU #39 because at that point the Sandman is working for the new Crime-Master.

For Spider-Man, this it would fit his chronology between his appearance in Howard the Duck #1 and Marvel Team-Up #39 as it is the least disruptive to the web-slinger’s chronology.

The Rhino

Vanna’s blog entry is listed as #1621, placing it at 4.44 years. So we’re still dealing with the same period of time. For the Rhino, his appearances during this period were in Incredible Hulk #157-160 when he was working with the Leader, Incredible Hulk #171 when he and the Abomination team-up against the Hulk, and Defenders #42-44 when he joins the Emissaries of Evil to fight the Defenders. Given the chronology above, this would have to happen after the events of Marvel Team-Up #39 for Spider-Man. Incredible Hulk #171 was published on the same date as Amazing Spider-Man #128 which is too early.

However, Defenders #42 is published at the same time as Amazing Spider-Man #163. Chronologically, Spider-Man appeared in Marvel Treasury Edition #12 prior to that. I think this is the perfect fit for both characters. For the Rhino, Incredible Hulk #171 ends with the Rhino and Abomination knocking each other out and, I’m assuming, being taken into military custody. It would take some time for the Rhino to get out. So his appearance prior to Defenders #42, like say just before makes more sense.

Difference Opinion with the Chronology Project

I disagree with the Chronology Project in stating that this takes place between Amazing Spider-Man #528 and 529. I can understand why they would place it there. Marvel Knights: Spider-Man #13-18 had Peter Parker getting fired from his teaching job at Midtown High forcing him to take work at the Daily Bugle to make extra money. Amazing Spider-Man #528, Tony Stark makes Peter an employee so he no longer needed to work at the Bugle. So it fits with that logic. However, it does not fit with the numbering of Vanna’s blog posts. The Rhino’s blog entry is #1621 and the one she writes on the day she goes to the Bugle is #1622 — the day after. Per the Sliding Timescale placing it where the Chronology Project puts it is putting 8 years of Marvel time between the blog posts, that doesn’t gel with the way the rest of the story is structured. It also makes more sense this way when elderly Mary Jane confronts Vanna and says it’s been 40 years since she appeared in the newspaper. You can forgive Mary Jane being off by 4 years, but being off by 12 years? That doesn’t seem very likely.