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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #8

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #8

Blood Feud

Peter Parker finds himself with a gun pointed at the back of his head. The gun is held by Jimmy-6. He never thought Jimmy would ever consider harming Peter Parker if he hadn’t been in the wrong place at the wrong time taking photos for the Daily Bugle.[1] He thinks back to the events that led to his being in this situation…

Suspended over the city, Spider-Man tries to call his wife to apologize for missing the flight for what was supposed to be a vacation for two of them.[2] Unfortunately, Peter can’t figure out how to make the phone properly. Eventually, he picks up a call from Joe Robertson who tells him that there is a freelance job waiting for him at the Daily Bugle. Parker says he’ll be there and web-slings away, leaving the cell phone behind.

Later that evening, Peter finds himself staked out in a New Jersey swamp waiting for a meeting between mob bosses that the Bugle was tipped off about.[3] Peter’s patience pays off when the Kingpin and Jimmy-6 arrive on the scene and they shake hands. Peter recalls how Jimmy’s father was injured during a conflict between gangs and Jimmy took over leadership and wonders if Six is looking to make peace with the Kingpin.[4] He then notices that some of Jimmy’s men are offloading a box from the trunk of their limo when his spider-sense begins going off. It warns him too late as someone manages to sneak up on him and put a gun to his head. When the guard calls out that he finds a snoop, Peter is certain that Jimmy-6 recognizes him and decides to make a run for it. Running through the tall grass, Peter bumps into Blade the Vampire Hunter who tells Parker that he has come to recover something taken from him and that Peter should run for cover. However, it is Peter that saves Blade’s life when he spots some mobsters about to fire a particle beam cannon at them. Although they get clear of the blast, the force of the explosion knocks the two men out.

When Peter and Blade are later woken up by two state troopers who arrive on the scenes. While they are waiting for EMTs to arrive, Blade warns Peter to stay out of this assuring him that he will recover the trunk before the mobsters get a chance to open it. He then walks away from the scene, but not before Peter secretly tags Blade with a spider-tracer. Later, at the Kingpin’s office building, one of the state troopers reports to the Kingpin and tells him the man snooping around was Peter Parker. The Kingpin tells Jimmy-6 to deal with Parker, then they will open the trunk, and then there will be peace between their two organizations. By this time, Peter is back at the Daily Bugle turning over his photos. Joe Robertson suggests that Peter leave town for a while, but Peter shrugs off the concern. Still, Joe tells Peter to be careful. As Peter steps out of Joe’s office another reporter rushes in to tell Robertson that Eddie Brock has broken out of his jail cell on the west coast and is believed to be heading for New York. This doesn’t sit well with Peter since Brock’s alter ego Venom makes his life a real nightmare.[5] He figures that maybe Joe was right and tries to reach his wife again, but learns that Mary Jane is refusing calls from him. That’s when Jill Stacy arrives and tells Peter that Mary Jane will get over it and they will patch things up. The way Jill is looking at Peter reminds him of her cousin Gwen. When Jill notices that Peter is looking at her funny she knows instantly why and is surprised it took Peter to notice how much Jill and Gwen lookalike before she leaves.[6]

That evening, Blade has tracked the mobsters to the Old Brooklyn Naval Yard and ambushes two guards standing outside of a shipping vessel. That’s when Spider-Man arrives and demands answers from the vampire hunter. Blade tells Spider-Man to get lost, particularly since the wall-crawler doesn’t believe in vampires. However, Spider-Man insists on tagging along since the Kingpin and his ilk are his usual brand of foes. Sneaking inside, the pair witness as the Kingpin oversees some of his men trying to burn through the chains keeping the tunk sealed. When the two make their presence known the Kingpin is already well aware they are there and at a snap of his fingers an army of gun-toting mobsters come out of the darkness. Spider-Man and Blade pile into the mobsters but are unable to incapacitate them all before they break through the chains sealing the trunk. Opening the trunk frees Morbius the Living Vampire who had been trapped inside for some time.[7] When Blade goes to slay Morbius, Spider-Man tries to explain that Morbius not a real vampire but has a mutated blood disease. Blade doesn’t matter since he still fits the description of a vampire close enough for his purposes. Spider-Man intervenes and tries to talk to sense to Morbius. Michael explains that he was taken prisoner and experimented on so he can create a new breed of vampires as a countermeasure against Hunger. Having grown tired of his tortured life, Morbius begs the wall-crawler for the sweet release of death. While Spider-Man and Blade are busy with Morbius, the Kingpin uses the distraction to make his escape.

Spider-Man insists that they can cure Morbius especially since they’ve managed to do this before even though those cures proved only temporary.[8] Blade relents, but as he walks away he warns Spider-Man that if he catches Morbius drinking blood he will kill the vampire. Although he does not explain who captured him, he does tell Spider-Man that Hunger used to be his foe Crown and that he is more dangerous than ever. He also warns the wall-crawler to beware of Senator Stewart Ward, this makes Spider-Man wonder what Ward isn’t involved in.[9] After dropping Morbius off a TriCorp for observation, Spider-Man changes back to Peter Parker and returns to his apartment. When the phone rings he hopes it’s Mary Jane but the person hangs up as soon as they hear Peter’s voice. Peter wonder’s what is going on because whoever keeps on calling has managed to evade all means of tracing their number.[10] When the phone rings again, the caller taunts Peter saying that he knows who he is and how to get to him and that he will never be able to protect Mary Jane. Peter thinks this might be Eddie Brock threatening his family again.[11] Unfortunately, before he can get any answer his spider-sense goes off and that’s how Jimmy-6 managed to get the drop on him.

Now

Interestingly, Jimmy-6 tells Peter that he hasn’t come to kill him, but to bring Parker to the Kingpin. However, Jimmy doesn’t think that Peter Parker’s life is worth the price of peace and leaves, warning Peter to keep his head down because there is going to be a war. As soon as Jimmy is gone, Peter’s phone begins to ring again.

Earlier That Day

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Kingpin, Jimmy-6, Blade the Vampire Hunter, Morbius the Vampire Hunter, Joe Robertson, Betty Brant, Jill Stacy, Stalker

Continuity Notes

  1. Jimmy-6 and Peter Parker have been on relatively good terms Jimmy first befriended Ben Reilly in Spider-Man #70 and after Ben’s death in Spider-Man #75 extended his friendship to Peter and his family. However, Jimmy-6 considered his debts to the Parkers were paid after he saved Mary Jane and Aunt May from assassins in Spider-Man #87.

  2. Peter refers to Mary Jane as his wife. However, years later, their marriage is erased from existence by Mephisto in Amazing Spider-Man #545. As such they should be considered a common-law couple here. Peter apologizes for not telling her that he has become Spider-Man again. Peter promised to retire following the Final Chapter story arc. However, Peter started secretly wearing the webs again in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #2.

  3. Peter mentions how he also has a job working for TriCorp. He was hired by the company in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #1. Although you wouldn’t know it since Peter hardly shows up for work which explains why he gets fired in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #16.

  4. Jimmy-6’s father, Don Fortunato, was injured behind the scenes last issue in conflicts with the Kingpin.

  5. Eddie Brock has been imprisoned since his symbiote was seemingly destroyed in Venom: The Finale #3. However, the symbiote actually survived as we will find out next issue.

  6. Jill’s cousin is Gwen Stacy who Peter started dating around Amazing Spider-Man #47 until her untimely death in Amazing Spider-Man #121.

  7. The editorial note reminds readers that Morbius first appeared back in Amazing Spider-Man #101. Although it would have been more relevant to explain why Morbius was locked in the trunk. Actually it’s never really explained why Morbius was sealed in the trunk. He was last seen in Spider-Man #80 where he was seemingly destroyed in an explosion with Crown. Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: Spider-Man 2005 offers a vague explanation saying he was captured and experimented on. I suppose he was a prisoner of Hydra since they had him captive prior to his supposed death, but the Handbook entry explaining these events doesn’t explain shit.

  8. Morbius was temporarily cured of the worst of his conditions after being struck by lightning in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #38. This lasted until Doctor Strange, Sorcerer Supreme #10.

  9. The secret behind Stewart Ward — that he is carrying a Z’nox viral contagion — is not revealed in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #24. What the vampires have to do with his plot is never really explained.

  10. Peter states that using *69 does not work. Before cellphones and caller ID became telecommunications standards, dialing *69 on a touchtone phone would usually allow you to know the telephone number that called you last. While the service is still available, I doubt that it is widely used and it should be considered a topical reference per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616.

  11. Peter’s not correct, but also not really wrong for suspecting the caller could be Eddie Brock. The facts:

    • The caller is actually a Stalker who is obsessed with Mary Jane. He started harassing her in Peter Parker: Spider-Man #5. His harassment will escalate until he becomes homicidal in Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #13.

    • The reason why Peter suspects that the caller might be Eddie Brock. This is a reasonable guess and it all has to do with the alien symbiote Peter wore as a costume from Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #8. After learning it was trying to bond with him, Peter rejected it in Amazing Spider-Man #258. When the costume tried to bond with him again in Web of Spider-Man #1 he seemingly killed it by exposing it to the ringing of church bells since powerful sonic waves were the symbiote’s greatest weakness.

    • However, as explained in Amazing Spider-Man #300, the symbiote survived and eventually bonded with Eddie Brock. Brock was a disgraced reporter after he interviewed a man claiming to be the spree-shooter known as the Sin-Eater. When Spider-Man caught the real Sin-Eater in Peter Parker, the Spectacular Spider-Man #110, Brock was fired from his job.

    • Naturally, both the symbiote and Brock hated Spider-Man and since the symbiote knew all of Spider-Man’s secrets, so did Eddie Brock. Brock frequently used his knowledge of Spider-Man’s secret identity to get close to his family in an effort to intimidate and threaten the wall-crawler. However, the pair made an uneasy truce in Amazing Spider-Man #375.

    • However, it couldn’t be Spider-Man since Brock lost all memory of Peter Parker’s secret identity after a blow to the head in Spider-Man: The Venom Agenda #1. Peter has apparently forgotten this little fact.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #7

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #7

Peter Parker: Spider-Man Annual 1999

Peter Parker: Spider-Man Annual 1999