Sensational She-Hulk #18

Mar 5

Mar 5 Sensational She-Hulk #18

The Dentist in the Iron Mask!

She-Hulk is enjoying some well-deserved sleep after her recent adventures with Howard the Duck and the Encrochiverses. In her dream, Jennifer and Hercules are laying on a tropical beach, making out in the moonlight. They are interrupted by the approach of a giant robot. As Jen rushes off to deal with it, she tells him to stay there; it'll only take a minute. "Sweatest thou not, green goddess," Hercules replies, "All the man-eating horses of Diomedes and a Jeep Cherokee could not move me from this spot." She-Hulk confronts the robot, who introduces himself as DAVE: Digital Autobotic Vixen Eradicator! He says that her current behavior with Hercules is inappropriate for a role-model to millions of little girls, so she will have to be "daved". The robot tries to cut her head open with a giant buzzsaw, but the saw breaks against her skull. It then tries ramming a power drill into her belly button, but the drill bit also shatters against She-Hulk's body. "Are you quite finished Daving me? I hope so--'cause you're about to get Jennifered!" She-Hulk grabs the robot's leg and topples it over. The robot smashes into pieces as it hits the ground. Jen goes back to rejoin Hercules on the beach, but when she arrives she finds Brent Wilcox instead! "NO!! I want the guy with the muscles, the beard and the stilted elocution!! I want fun, not a relationship! I want you O-U-T, Wilcox!!!"

Jennifer smashes her fists into the ground in frustration--and wakes up to discover she just destroyed her bed! Wheezi rushes into the room, to check on Jennifer after hearing her scream. "You sounded like a wounded sea mammal." Jen is afraid that Wheezi heard what she screamed about, but Wheezi assures her that it was just an inarticulate wail.

As the two women get up to get some coffee, Wheezi asks Jen if she wants to talk about the dream, but Jen says under no circumstances. Jen asks if Wheezi has been sleeping all this time too, and she says that she was, until the answering machine woke her up with a call from a client for Jen. Jen is surprised that she can have any clients, since she hasn't opened up her practice yet. She checks the message, which is from a Sanford Packard. Blake Tower, Jen's former boss, recommended her to him. He is calling to file a dental malpractice lawsuit when suddenly the message switches in mid-sentence to a blaring radio announcer! The switch is so sudden, Jen spits out her coffee in surprise! A few seconds later, Sanford continues and apologizes for the interruption. He sets a time to meet with Jen, and promises to explain everything then.

She-Hulk meets with Sanford at his new dentist's office, where he is having a microscopic radio removed from his tooth! The dentist tells her that it must have been implanted by Mr. Packard's former dentist, although he has no idea why or how. Jen says that "if" will do for purposes of litigation, and assures Packard that he does have a case unless he asked to have an AM radio installed in his molar. She then asks the doctor to sign an affidavit about what he found in the tooth. The doctor agrees, and Jen asks for the name of Packard's former dentist. "Ah yes," the dentist replies, "That would be Doctor Doom." Jen's eyes widen in surprise "I beg your pardon..?"

The next day, She-Hulk shows up at the dental office of Dr. Bob Doom to serve him with papers for the malpractice claim. Doom moans, and asks why Sanford didn't just come to him to discuss the problem. "Who knows? Maybe he didn't want to find a cd player in his incisor..!" Jen hands him the papers and leaves. Doom orders his secretary to cancel all his appointments for the next week; he'll need to focus his full attention on this problem.

Later that day, Jennifer takes the device to Brent Wilcox at Empire State University. He and a friend of his in the engineering department looked it over, and have determined it isn't a radio and that the am reception was accidental. Brent figures the client must have bitten down too hard and damaged the micro-circuitry. He tells Jen that it was actually designed to receive an ultra-high-frequency digital signal and transmit it directly into the target's nervous system. "Theoretically, that kind of stimulation could affect the chemistry of the brain... induce or inhibit certain behaviors." Jen suspects that it may have been meant to function as an uplink for post-hypnotic commands. Jen thanks Brent for his help, and gives him a kiss on the forehead. He asks if he can take her to dinner, but she says she is working. She does comment that he gets points for persistence though, and as she leaves Jen thinks to herself that maybe another time she'll take him up on the offer.

That night, Doom is ranting about how his plan is in jeopardy and how he'll never be anything but the dorky, laughable fifth cousin of Victor Von Doom! His parents emigrated to America while Victor's parents remained in Latveria, and Victor eventually grew up to become royalty. "I've got stocks, bonds, two BMW's, a gold Rolex, a practice any tooth guy would envy... and next to you I'm still a failure!! How can I possibly take pride in belonging to the country club... when you have an entire country?!? Well, I want one too!" Bob dons his own copy of the famous mask of Doom, and decides it is time to accelerate his plan, and launch a pre-emptive strike! Under the influence of the proper anesthetic, Doom got three of his wealthy clients to sign papers making him their trustee. Now, he uses his high-tech transmitter to send the ultra-high-frequency signal to the implants in their teeth! He orders them to go out in public dressed oddly and act bizarre.

A few days later, the court declares the three of them to be incompetent to manage their affairs, and names Dr. Doom the conservator of their estates. Doom gloats that this is the easiest 53 million dollars he ever made!

The next day he settles the malpractice suit with Mr. Packard out of court, writing him a check for one million dollars as long as he signs a non-disclosure agreement to not discuss the case with anyone other than his attorney. Packard signs, and informs Jen of what happened.

At first, Jen is angry that Packard acted without consulting her first, but is shocked when she learns that the case got settled for twice the amount they were originally asking for! Wheezi comments that means that Jennifer just made $300,000 so they should go out and celebrate! However, Jen isn't ready to celebrate just yet. She is suspicious of how Doom came up with so much money so fast, and why he was so eager to settle the case. Wheezi tries to convince her that the dentist simply knew he was in the wrong, and wanted to settle the case so that Jen didn't drive a harder bargain. But Jen isn't quite convinced. "I can't quite believe that anyone named 'Dr. Doom' gets beaten this easily..!"

That night, Doom has his clients Max Louden, Maurice Faber and Lenora Standard stored in his garage, with their minds reduced to putty. He promises to provide them with the best life that gypsy sorcery and American dentistry can provide. "With your fortunes as seed money, I shall make myself master of the Tri-state area! From the region known as New York, New Jersey and Connecticut, I shall forge my kingdom of New Latveria!"

A month later, Jennifer and Wheezi read in the paper that the families of Doom's clients tried to challenge the court ruling of Doom's conservatorship...but lost. Jen decides to phone the relatives to find out if Max, Maurice and Lenora all had root canals!

The next day, Jen phones Doom with a court order to produce Max, Maurice and Lenora for dental x-rays! She says that she'll be there to pick them up in ten minutes. As she leaves, she tells Wheezi that she bets they've got the malpractice claim of the century, and probably a grand larceny charge as well!

Jen arrives at Doom's home to pick up the clients...but as soon as she knocks on the door, robot arms smash through the door and drag her inside! The robot uses a charge of half a gigawatt to immobilize She-Hulk! Doom enters, wearing a suit of armor with giant teeth across his chest, and a dentist drill on his finger! He plans to use his adamantium-tipped drill to implant a neurotronic transceiver in her as well! He sticks his finger in her mouth, but Jen bites down hard, denting the drill! She then manages to move her legs enough to kick out at him... only to have the jaws of his armor bite down on her feet! "We have several options available. My adamantium dentures can gnaw your feet off...my surrogate's hands can throttle you...or I can turn up the juice, and you'll fry. Any preference?" She-Hulk chooses none of the above, and rips the robot's hand off, freeing herself from its immobilizing field! She then kicks out with her feet, flipping Doom right over her head, and sending him flying through the wall!

A week later, Jen and Wheezi are celebrating with Max, Maurice and Lenora, who have all been freed from Doom's control. Jen tells them it is now official; Doom is behind bars, and his conservatorship has been nullified. They ask if they can retain Jen's services for the civil action against Doom... and ask if she can recommend a good dentist.