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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Amazing Spider-Man Family #2

Amazing Spider-Man Family #2

The Long Road…

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Three Years Ago[1]

Peter Parker has arrived at the Daily Bugle to sell his recent photos of Spider-Man. J. Jonah Jameson isn’t interested in any photos of Spider-Man looking like a hero. However, Peter insists that Jameson will want to buy the photos when he sees who Spider-Man caught this time. As it turns out, the thefts were caused by the infamous “Bodega Bandit” who, as his name suggests, had been robbing bodegas all over Manhattan. The story and the photos of the Bodega Bandit all webbed up landed on the front page of the Daily Bugle.

Today

Dave Free, aka the Bodega Bandit, has long been out of prison and while shopping at a bodega, the owner recognizes him since he still has the front-page story of the Daily Bugle about the Bandit’s capture taped up on the wall behind the cash register. The owner grabs the baseball bat he has for protection and chases Dave out of the store. Although he insists that he didn’t due anything, that’s not entirely true. Three years ago he robbed this bodega among many others during the crime spree that gave him his nickname.

The police were stumped because he always wore the same outfit when he robbed places. His ensemble included a balaclava, jeans, and a leather jacket. This was because that’s all eyewitnesses would remember about him. Usually, by the time the police had arrived on the scene, Dave would have doffed his disguise and take the subway uptown wearing a brown trenchcoat, being able to get away unnoticed because he was not wearing the trademark outfit he wore when committing his crimes. Everything was going great until one of his robberies were interrupted by Spider-Man who easily disarmed and unmasked him before leaving him webbed up for the authorities. He supposes that some of his past victims aren’t quick to forget him. Remembering that front-page photo, Dave doesn’t remember there being a photographer around. However, he’s never forgotten the name credited for taking the photo: Peter Parker. He blames Parker for putting his face on millions of newspapers, even though he was just doing his job. That’s when he remembers he’s got a job interview lined up.

The interview is for a job in the mailroom of a business, however, the interviewer is interested in why there is such a large gap in Dave’s resume and why someone who is much older than the average mailroom worker, would be interested in the job. Freed skirts around the questions the best her can when the interview finds Dave’s face familiar and wonders where he might have seen him before. Dave says that its because of his generic looks that come from the Irish side of his family and that he looks like a lot of people. Soon Dave shakes hands with his potential employer and is told he’ll have an answer soon. However, Dave already knows how this is going to go, the guy who interviewed him is going to walk into his favorite bodega and see the picture of his capture three years ago that most of the bodega owners have hanging up in their stores. Sure enough, the man calls him later after this very scenario and tells Dave that the position was filled while he was on vacation and he wasn’t aware and apologizes to him. Dave says he understands but once the call is over he smashes his cell phone on the sidewalk in a fit of rage.

Dave then goes down to the New York State Division of Parole office to get a replacement phone. He tells the clerk that has been trying to get a job off the lest they provided. While the clerk admires his motivation, she suggests her sticks to the list, but Dave doesn’t like those options since the jobs on them are obviously for ex-cons. She insists that they aren’t that bad, but the job he gets is a janitor for a high school where all the kids know who he is and make fun of his for it. After work one day, Dave spots someone looking at him and loses it on him. That’s when the side of a building blows open turning Dave’s attention to a battle between Spider-MAn and the Shocker. While the crowd cheers for Spider-Man, Freed feels some perverse joy whenever the Shocker manages to harm the web-slinger. However, despite his rooting for the bad guy, Spider-Man defeats the Shocker by tricking the villain into blasting the side of a building and burying himself in debris.

That night, Dave visits Mike, his friend in the mobs and asks for a gun. Mike refuses because he’s concerned that Dave will roll on him if he gets caught again. He also points out that if he doesn’t talk, Dave could be looking at going back to prison for another fifteen years. Mike also refuses to give Dave a loan and sees him out. Growing angrier, Dave thinks he could get back on his feet if he can just get his hands on some money. Getting desperate he finds a pipe and is about to attack a young couple until he overhears them complaining about their own problems with money. This causes Dave to lose his nerve and he resigns to his fate and soon become one of the city’s many homeless people and comes to enjoy his newfound invisibility. As he retires to his carboard box for the night, he becomes unaware that he has once again been photographed by Peter Parker. Peter is concerned about the homeless population and sells his photos to Dexter Bennett after convincing him this would make a good story for the DB! Unaware of Dave Freed’s background, Dexter quips how this guy will probably be glad to have his face in the paper.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Shocker, (flashback) J. Jonah Jameson

Continuity Notes

  1. According to the Marvel Chronology Project, the flashback in this story takes place between Spider-Man’s appearances in Call of Duty: The Wagon #1 and Spider-Man: Quality of Life #1, placing its as happening around Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #42, which was published. This does not make sense as Peter was not a photographer for the Bugle at the time, having taken up a job working for the Daily Bugle (circa Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 2) #31) It also doesn’t fit any measurement of time either by publication (2002 vs 2008) or the Sliding Timescale timeline. If this story happened three years prior to the present day of this story, that would put it around “Year Nine” of the Modern Age (or the November 1993-October 1997 publication period) placing it as happening anywhere between Amazing Spider-Man #383 to Amazing Spider-Man #427. Which is a better fit since Peter was a photographer for the Bugle almost consistently during this period. I’d place this as happening following Amazing Spider-Man #384 (published December 1993) as it would have happened 3 years prior to this story (published December 2008) per the Sliding Timescale 4:1 ratio.

Those Who Never Return!

When leaving their own child with her Aunt Anna while she and Peter go to classes for the day,[1] Mary Jane can’t help but think how similar this scene is to one she heard many times from the late May Parker.[2] It was the day that Peter’s parents, Richard and Mary Parker, left him in the care of his Aunt May and Uncle Ben. They were only supposed to be gone for a week but they never returned, leaving Peter to be raised by his Aunt and Uncle.[3] Now, whenever she leaves their daughter with her Aunt Anna, Mary Jane makes a small prayer that they will come back so May won’t grow up without her parents. As she and Peter head to Empire State University for their classes, Peter is unusually quiet. He too has been thinking about all of the responsibilities he juggles as a husband and father. Particularly when he goes out as Spider-Man so he can sell the photos to the Daily Bugle to support his family. Peter fears what would happen to his wife and daughter if he gets hurt or killed as Spider-Man. He says this as passing a woman who is leaving her own home after saying goodbye to her husband and infant daughter. Suddenly, Peter’s spider-sense goes off and he shoves Mary Jane out of the way just as a van full of gunmen pull up and begin opening fire. The woman who was leaving her home is mowed down. When they realize what happened, Mary Jane rushes to the woman — whose name is Marlene — and begins calling 911 while Peter rushes off to change into Spider-Man.

As Peter changes into an alley, Marlene’s husband, Rene, hands-off their child to Mary Jane to be close to his wife. He blames himself for not listening to Marlene soon. As she tries to calm the crying baby, Mary Jane wonders if this will ever happen to May and wonders who would be there to comfort her again. As Spider-Man chases the shooter, Mary Jane hears how Rene DeSantos blame himself for what happened, saying that his job is dangerous and he recently received threats which he ignored. He thought that it was all part of the job and didn’t think his luck would run out. He thinks about how his wife insisted that he give up his job at the District Attorney’s office and join her law firm because it was safer and offered better pay but he refused to listen. As Spider-Man forces the shooters off the road, Mary Jane reminds Rene that what happened isn’t his fault because he was only trying to do the right thing and he didn’t know what would happen when he took the job and that things don’t always work out as planned. As paramedics arrive on the scene, Spider-Man is chasing the last gunman when he grabs a hostage. When he threatens to shoot, Spider-Man raises his arm in surrender. However, this is all a ruse allowing Spider-Man to get close enough to leap at the gunman and knock him out with a single punch. At that same moment, the ETMs are unable to save Marlene and as they put a sheet over her dead body, Mary Jane thinks how things can go horribly wrong but not always.

Upset by this whole experience, Mary Jane runs back home to be able to hold May. Peter arrives shortly after and after the family is happily reunited she thinks how she often prays to those who don’t return, but sometimes she is too thankful for words when she has her own child to hold in her hands.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Mary Jane Watson-Parker, May Parker, Anna Watson, (in flashback) Aunt May, Uncle Ben

Continuity Notes

  1. This story takes place in the MC2 Universe which, according to Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe: Alternate Realities 2005, is identified as Earth-982. In this reality, Peter and Mary Jane are still married and had a child named May Parker. This reality diverges from Earth-616 around Amazing Spider-Man #418. On Earth-616, Mary Jane has a miscarriage while on Earth-982, she successfully gives birth to May Parker.

  2. Mary Jane recounts how she has heard two different stories about the day Peter was left with Aunt May and Uncle Ben, one where he was still a baby and another when he was still a toddler. This is a comment on the conflicting versions of this story told about the Earth-616 version of Peter. There are multiple accounts including Amazing Spider-Man Annual #5, Spectacular Spider-Man #225, Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #33, and Amazing Spider-Man #20, Sensational Spider-Man (vol. 2) #33 and Spectacular Spider-Man (vol. 2) #27. It is generally accepted that Peter was, at most a toddler when this happened.

  3. Just like on Earth-616, Peter Parker’s parents were government agents who were killed in the line of duty. See Amazing Spider-Man Annual #5.

The Spectacular Rider-Man

In need of a job and low on funds, Peter Parker decides the smarter thing to do than web-slinging in a heatwave is to take a bus to his next job interview.[1] He thinks about how his roommate, Vin Gonzales, will kill him if he doesn’t get a job soon. That’s when a massive robotic arm lands in front of the bus, forcing the driver to slam on the breaks to avoid a collision. At first, Peter thinks this is a job for Spider-Man, but that’s when a member of Damage Control enters the bus to make sure everybody is okay. As it turns out that they are clean up the scene of a recent Fantastic Four battle and that their crane couldn’t handle the load.

The other commuters are upset because they have other obligations and begin wondering why the Fantastic Four couldn’t clean up their own messes. Peter decides to do something proactive and goes out and convinces the Damage Control foreman that he’s an engineer and that they can get traffic going again by simply lifting the giant robot finger. Secretly using his experience as Spider-Man he shows Damage Control how to tie up the finger so they can pull it out of the way. Unfortunately, as they start pulling the finger away, Spider-Man’s spider-sense goes off warning him that the but before he can warn the workers to stop pulling on it, the finger shatters. Moving quickly, Peter shoves one of the works out of the way. However, while doing so he gets oil spilled all over the front of his suit. With his outfit ruined, Peter figures his interview is a bust and decides not to show.

As it turns out, one of his fellow passengers was the guy who was going to interview him and once he gets off the bus he calls ahead to the office and learns that his 9 am hasn’t shown up. Furious because he was worried about being late, the man tells his secretary that if Peter Parker calls back to tell him that the position has been filled.

Recurring Characters

Peter Parker, Damage Control

Continuity Notes

  1. This story takes place after Peter quit his job at the DB! in Amazing Spider-Man #561.

Amazing Spider-Man Family #1

Amazing Spider-Man Family #1

Amazing Spider-Man Family #3

Amazing Spider-Man Family #3