64705678_10157722991506490_777492954360053760_o.jpg

Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Spider-Man: Breakout #1

Spider-Man: Breakout #1

The Vault, Two Years Ago…[1]

Members of Crossfire’s crew, all villains with mind control abilities are complaining about the food being served to them in the cafeteria because they contain drugs that dull their abilities. In the next table are members of the U-Foes are worried that Crossfire has been away to be questioned for a few hours now and they fear that he is going to be reassigned to a new cell. Vector is concerned that this will interfere with their plans. Alan Fagan, aka Mister Fear, assures Vector that the leader of his gang will not narc on them and is more concerned with the Guardsman the U-Foes have who they have bought to help their escape from the Vault. When they all ask which Guardsman they have on the take, Vector admits that he doesn’t know their real identity — because of the helmets they all wear — but she will use a codeword to let them know who she is when the time comes. Ironclad would rather kill her and take the money Vector is paying her, but the leader of the U-Foes insists that they stick to the original plan because a deal is a deal. That’s when Crossfire returns and tells them that he doesn’t know why he was called into an interview with the program administrator because, after spending hours in an isolation cell, he was told the meeting was canceled and he was returned to the general population. Just as Vector is asking Crossfire about their break out plans a call for him to collect his personal belongings to meet with the program administrator is made. Ironclad, in particular, finds this an interesting coincidence.

Surprisingly, the program administrator, Rozalyn Backus, is ready to meet Vector as soon as he arrives. When he remarks about the lack of defenses in her office, Rozalyn explains that she is not afraid of a single one of the inmates in the Vault and considers them all stupid for getting caught and locked away in her prison. She then cuts to the chase and tells him that she knows that he bribed one of the guards to help facilitate a breakout that evening. Vector knows that Crossfire squealed on them, but Backus doesn’t confirm or deny this, telling Vector that he and the rest of the U-Foes are going to be transferred to administrative segregation until they are then transferred to the new super-max prison near Rykers Island called the Raft. She assures him that once he and his teammates get transferred there they can forget about seeing the light of day ever again. Put in an Ad-Seg cell with his teammate X-Ray, Vector tells him how Crossfire likely betrayed them but doesn’t know why. Adding insult to injury, with their powers dampened and locked in a hole, Vector also wasted half of his fortune and vows to X-Ray that Crossfire and his fellow gang members are all going to die for crossing the U-Foes, no matter how long it will take to accomplish this.

The Raft - Two Years Later

A blackout across Manhattan has also knocked out the security system on the Raft, allowing for a massive jailbreak.[2] One of the superheroes arriving on the scene to stop the villains from escaping is Spider-Man. Falling into the prisoner hold and having his mask ripped off, the web-slinger finds him swarmed by a gang of super-powered criminals who all want a piece of him. As the others pile on the web-slinger, Crossfire joins the Corruptor after compelling a SHIELD agent to disable to locks on his cybernetic eye. Deciding to take advantage of the confusion — and while Captain America joins Spider-Man in the battle — he tells the Corruptor to help him gather the rest of the crew so they can all escape together before things get locked down again. When they get Mister Fear, he wants to get revenge against the U-Foes who have tried three times to kill them before they were transferred to the Raft. However, Crossfire tells him to ignore the U-Foes as their freedom is more important. After getting the Corruptor and Mandrill, they flee unto an underwater access and escape in a submarine. As they escape, Crossfire explains how he used his powers of persuasion to learn the best way off the island from every SHIELD agent he encountered. Mandrill is also furious that they were ordered to leave as he too wants to get back at the U-Foes. Crossfire explains that they have other priorities and they can settle the score with their rivals soon enough. Crossfire is more interested in recovering their gear and going after the one who really betrayed them, the Guardsman that Vector allegedly bought off as he believes she betrayed them. Crossfire has learned the identity of this Guardsman and assures them that they will make her wish she had never met them.

New York City, Now

Returning to his apartment after the situation at the Raft, Peter Parker is getting his wounds patched up by Mary Jane and he tells her how the breakout at the Raft was orchestrated by Electro, who apparently was only seeking to recover one prisoner and the rest of the escapees were only a distraction.[3] When Peter tells her that a SHIELD medic said it would take six arms for his sprained wrist to heal, but Mary Jane points out that it will take longer if he keeps on going out at night as Spider-Man. However, Peter says he needs to go out because a lot of prisoners escaped from the Raft that needs to be taken in. Mary Jane doesn’t understand why Peter needs to do this, telling him that there are a lot of SHIELD patrols out right now and that it is their mess to clean up or why Peter’s friends in the New Avengers can’t pick up the slack. Peter tries to explain that this team of Avengers is a lot more fluid than the last incarnation and even though Captain America offered him a spot on the team, he isn’t sure if this is his thing or not. Mary Jane wonders why that would be since being an Avenger would give him a level of credibility after being hounded by the press and law enforcement for so many years. Peter understands the logic of this but still feels like he needs to do things solo, quipping that the last time he was a team player was when he was a mathelete in high school.

Meanwhile, the U-Foes have settled into their hideout and X-Ray is impressed with the media coverage the break out is getting. Ironclad tells his teammate not to get too comfortable, saying that Vector is going to get them moving again since Crossfire’s Crew was able to found their last hideout two days after they got out. Ironclad insists it is necessary that they keep a low profile, especially since the news media is reporting that the U-Foes are still active in the city and is making their rivalry with Crossfire’s Crew public knowledge. X-Ray is asking Vector and Vapor what the hold up is as the couple has been locked in the bedroom for some time. Vector tells X-Ray that they will be out soon. The hold-up is due to the fact that Vector has caught his reflection in the mirror and his mutated form has upset him as he hardly remembers what he used to look like before the space flight that gave the U-Foes their powers. He tells Vapor he regrets exposing them all to cosmic rays, particularly since he can no longer physically touch her in her gaseous form.[4] Vapor tells him what’s done is done and they need to move forward. Vector agrees, vowing that he will find the Guardsman that betrayed them and avenge his team before Crossfire’s Crew finds their betrayer first. Ready to leave, X-Ray offers to kill the owners of the home they are hiding out in, but Ironclad tells him to save his enthusiasm for their enemies and that they shouldn’t kill innocent people, reminding him that they aren’t monsters.

In disguise, the U-Foes leave the apartment unaware that Crossfire’s Crew has tracked them down and are watching from the rooftop. The Controller then gives a command to bystanders he has placed control discs on and they begin pulling out hidden weapons and open fire on the U-Foes. One of them fires a rocket launcher at the van the U-Foes are climbing into, blowing it up. Not far away, Spider-Man sees the explosion and decides to go and investigate. Having survived the blast, Vector orders X-Ray to deal with the enslaved civilians while Ironclad secures them another ride. Up on the rooftop, Mister Fear gloat how they have a device that can pick up X-Ray’s energy signature making it easy to fine the U-Foes. The Controller tells Mister Fear to concentrate on the task at hand before SHIELD shows up. However, that’s when Spider-Man arrives and confronts them, telling them not to destroy the neighborhood, joking that this is where his favorite Indian take-out restaurant is located.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Mary Jane Watson, U-Foes (Vector, X-Ray, Vapor, Ironclad), Crossbone’s Crew (Crossfire, Controller, Mandrill, Corruptor, Mister Fear), Rozalyn Backus, (in flashback) Captain America, Luke Cage, Jigsaw, Blood Brothers, Brothers Grimm, Crossbones, Griffin, Molecule Man, Rampage, Shockwave, the Slug, Typhoid Mary, Vermin, Armadillo, Scarecrow, Grey Gargoyle, Stilt-Man

Continuity Notes

  1. Per the Marvel Chronology Project, this flashback takes place after the U-Foes’ appearance in Heroes for Hire #4 (published in October 1997) Per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616, this measurement of time between the flashback and the “present-day” is accurate.

  2. This story takes place during the events of New Avengers #1-3.

  3. As explained in New Avengers #1-5, this prisoner that was busted out of the Raft was Karl Lykos, aka Sauron, to help an apparently rogue SHIELD unit illegally mine Antarctic Vibranium in the Savage Land. Secret Invasion #1-8 reveals that this was all part of a Skrull invasion plot of the planet Earth.

  4. The U-Foes got their powers by replicating the space flight that gave the Fantastic Four their own powers as seen in Incredible Hulk #254.

Topical References

  • Outdated technology: CTR Televisions

Venom vs. Carnage #4

Venom vs. Carnage #4

Spider-Man: Breakout #2

Spider-Man: Breakout #2