Spider-Man and the X-Men #1
Following the death of Wolverine,[1] his will has asked that Spider-Man be hired on as the guidance councilor for the Jean Grey School’s special class. Storm doesn’t like this because of all of the negative press about the web-slinger and, more over, she doesn’t like him. When Spider-Man suggest she ask the Black Panther to vet for him, she points out that they are now divorced.[2] Still, she has to abide by Logan’s final wishes and brings Spider-Man to the school.
There he joins a battle between the senior X-Men and Unus the Untouchable.[3] Spider-Man joins the Beast in a head-on attack, the pair trading barbs the whole way, and are quickly repelled by the force field surrounding Unus.[4] He tries to get both Marvel Girl and Iceman to vouch for him, but they refuse to do so as well.[5] Spider-Man then ends the threat of Unus by covering his force-field with webbing, trapping him inside. He then points out to them that they should trust him because Logan said so. When none of them can argue with that, Spider-Man is welcomed to the Jean Grey school. Marvel Girl uses her telepathic powers to tell the students about the new addition to the staff but tells them that they are not obligated to laugh at his jokes.
As Spider-Man swings through the main courtyard, he is almost eaten up by Krakoa.[6] He bumps into the Toad, who tells him that the lawn will stop trying to eat him all the time once it gets to know him.[7] When he gets to his room, Spider-Man begins unpacking the only thing he brought — a suit — into a wardrobe. He starts complaining about Wolverine placed him in the school covertly to find out which one of the students in the special class is a mole.[8] The whole time he is doing so he is unaware that one of the Demon Bamfs keeps teleporting the suit back into his suitcase so he constantly has to unpack it.
One he is finally done unpacking, Spider-Man goes to meet the X-Men’s special class which includes mutants with behavioral problems, unique disabilities, and/or impractical mutant powers. These students are Hellion, Rockslide, Shark Girl, Gob Herman, No-Girl, Eye-Boy, and Ernst. Before he can go through his lesson plan, the other students begin begging to go train in the Danger Room. However, Spider-Man quashes this because he actively avoids places with names like that. Hellion then complains about how was stuck in this class because everyone thinks he’s going to become a super-villain.[9] When his complaints turn into insults hurled at his teacher, Spider-Man webs his mouth shut. The students all start calling him out on brutalizing them and then a Demon Bamf teleports away his sports coat and top. That’s when Storm comes in to check on them all and Spider-Man tells her he is topless because he is trying to teach the children a lesson in humility.
To avoid any more embarrassing questions, Spider-Man takes the kids down to the Danger Room and immediately regrets it. When he asks why the majority of their time is spent training not to get killed, his students tell him that mutants have to look out for each other. When Spider-Man tries his tired old “great power, great responsibility” speech No-Girl (through Ernst) tells him that trying to save everyone is an impossibility. He tries to appeal to their sense of humanity, but Shark-Girl in particular points out that she doesn’t look human. Spider-Man is pleased that he is at least getting them to talk about ethics when suddenly Rockslide shoves him into the arms of one of the Danger Room robots. The students begin to panic about what to do, but Spider-Man manages to break free and calls an end to the training session. Rockslide tries to tell his teacher it was all a joke and this convinces Spider-Man that these kids need to learn that the world is more than just mutants fighting mutants.
Spider-Man takes them to the dinosaur exhibit at the museum. The special class is unimpressed because they have already seen real dinosaurs before. Spider-Man has as well, but he tells them they can still learn a lot from the bones. In particular, he points out that a species that is too stupid to look out for each other ends up going extinct, saying that if they don’t take responsibility for others the best they can hope for is the next evolved species putting their bones in a museum.
Spider-Man’s lecture is interrupted by the arrival of Stegron the Dinosaur Man, who thinks that the web-slinger must have figured out his plans and attacks. While Rockslide, Hellion, and Shark-Girl charge for the attack, Spider-Man orders Eye-Boy to evacuate the innocent people. No-Girl tries to probe Stegron’s mind and finds it very cold. The feedback from this begins to effet Ernst as well. Hellion and Rockslide both get close enough for Stegron to grab them and they suddenly begin feeling week. When Spider-Man pulls them away, he theorizes that Stegron somehow developed the ability to drain the life forces of others and wonders how he gained that ability.
In answer to that question, Sauron the pterodactyl man comes crashing in through the skylight. Sauron is furious that Stegron hasn’t got the sample they came for. When Spider-Man tries to pull the flying Sauron to the ground with a web-line he gets flung around the museum instead and sent crashing into a skeleton of a tyrannosaurus rex. While the hero is disorientated, Sauron uses his hypnotic gaze to put Spider-Man to sleep. When he wakes up he discovers himself and most of his students tied to trees in the middle of what he assumes is the Savage Land. It when Sauron and Stegron return, astride on triceratops, that Spider-Man discovers that Shark-Girl isn’t tied up with them. That’s because she has joined their two foes and their new organization the United Prehistoric Insurgency. Sauron welcomes them to their newest colony, the New Savage Land. He then moves out of the way showing them Manhattan, making Spider-Man realize that they are actually on Staten Island.
Recurring Characters
Spider-Man, X-Men (Storm, Beast, Iceman, Marvel Girl, Angel, Warbird, Firestar, Toad, Krakoa, Ernst, No-Girl, Hellion, Rockslide, Shark Girl, Glob Herman, Eye Boy), Unus the Untouchable, Stegron the Dinosaur Man, Sauron, Demon Bamf
Continuity Notes
At the time of this story, Wolverine had just recently suffocated to death in a coating of Adamantium in Death of Wolverine #4. He will be resurrected later in Return of Wolverine #1-5.
Storm had married the Black Panther back in Black Panther (vol. 4) #18. Following the devastation of Wakanda by Phoenix Five, their marriage was annulled by the Panther Cult. See Avengers vs. X-Men #9.
It’s interesting to point out that Unus is alive and well here. Prior to this story, he had lost his powers during M-Day and died when exposed to the Terrigen Mists in Son of M #6. His corpse was reanimated with a Transmode virus in X-Force (vol. 3) #21. Like many of the survivors of the Necrosha event, at the time of this writing (January 2021) it is not explained how he survived when most died in X-Force (vol. 3) #25, nor how he purged the Transmode virus from his system.
Spider-Man and the Beast criticize each other’s past failures and screw-ups. These include:
Spider-Man mocks the Beast hid his “monster formula” by drinking it. He is referring to the time when the Hank McCoy left the X-Men to work for the Brand Corporation. He was working on a formula that isolated mutation in humans. Spider-Man’s account of events is wrong: Hank actually discovered that the Brand Corporation had been infiltrated by the Secret Empire and drank the formula to transform himself into a literal beast “permanently”. See Amazing Adventures (vol. 2) #11. (He’s changed back and forth multiple times, but that’s a long story)
The Best mocks Spider-Man for brining an alien shape-shifting creature to Earth. He is referring to the Venom symbiote which Spider-Man thought was a replacement costume when he first put it on in Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #8 and brought it back to Earth in Amazing Spider-Man #252. He later learned it was a symbiote trying to bond with him and abandoned it in issue #258. It eventually bonded with Eddie Brock to become Venom in Amazing Spider-Man #300. (There have been other hosts before and after Brock, but those are long stories as well. Suffice to say, Eddie Brock has been the most consistent host of the symbiote.)
The Beast also points out that Spider-Man can’t even cure a “simple lizard-man”, he is referring to Curt Connors who transformed himself into the Lizard way back in Amazing Spider-Man #6. Although Connors has been cured from time-to-time he eventually always changes back into the Lizard.
Lastly, Beast points out that nobody has ever given him an Infinity Gem. Which to be fair, nobody has ever gave Hank one either.
At first, Spider-Man calls her Phoenix, but Rachel Grey corrects him by saying she goes by Marvel Girl now. Rachel started calling herself Phoenix in honor of her mother who was believed dead at the time in Uncanny X-Men #199. She later changed her name to Marvel Girl in Amazing X-Men (vol. 2) #11 when her mother was actually dead. She’ll change her name again to Prestige in X-Men: Gold (vol. 2) #1 when her mother turns up alive again. (Jean Grey is not really her mother because Rachel comes from an alternate reality. However, that and the many lives of Jean Grey are a long story as well)
No, this isn’t the original Krakoa from Giant-Size X-Men #1. This is actually the third creature with this name. It first appeared in Wolverine and the X-Men #3 and almost immediately served the literal grounds of the Jean Grey School ever since.
Spider-Man remembers the Toad from the time tried to start a team with Frog-Man. This was in Amazing Spider-Man #266 when Toad, Frog-Man, and Spider-Kid formed the Misfits after Spider-Man refused to allow any of them to become his sidekick. The group didn’t even last beyond that issue because they sucked.
Spider-Man complains that his life is complicated enough already after being in Doc Ock’s “brain jail” and returning to find he now owns a business. Doctor Octopus stole Peter Parker’s life from Amazing Spider-Man #698 until Superior Spider-Man #31. In Superior Spider-Man #20 he formed his own business, Parker Industries.
Hellion mentions how he lost his hands trying to save mutantkind. Hellion’s hands were ripped off by the mutant-hunting robot known as Nimrod in X-Force (vol. 3) #27. They were replaced with cybernetics in X-Men: Second Coming #2.
