Amazing Spider-Man: Back in Quack #1
Human Slavery for Beginners
Howard the Duck is recounting how he ended up on this world. He recalls how he was pulled into Nexus of All Realities by the Man-Thing, the defender of the Nexus.[1] While on a quest, Howard fell between the cracks in reality and soon found himself on Earth. It wasn’t long after this that he met Beverly Switzler and decided to stay.[2] Since then he has carried on a series of meaningless jobs. With this, the person he is speaking with has finally purged the last of Howard’s identity and considers his mission accomplished.
In New York City, Spider-Man is web-slinging across the city when he hears someone saying his name. It is J. Jonah Jameson who is giving a public address and using it as a soapbox to complain about Spider-Man. Jameson is getting sidetracked and gets to what he really called the press conference for: the city will be funding a new urban volunteer initiative. This will be administered by the Service Organization of Philanthropic Individuals, or SOOPhI for short. That’s when members of SOOPhI come marching out wearing large smiley face masks repeating the phrase “it is what it is” over and over. He then introduces the group’s spokesperson, a woman simply named Swizzle. Spider-Man thinks he recognizes the woman, even though she is wearing a smiley face mask, but can’t figure out where. She tells the audience that SOOPhI is all about personal responsibility and introduces the group’s mascot, Cynical Duck. This is Howard the Duck wearing a frowny face mask and wearing kids clothing. He leaps out into the crowd and begins telling children to both “pitch-in” but also “trust nobody”.
Spider-Man finally recognizes the pair as Howard the Duck and Beverly Switzler.[3] He is deeply confused by their contradictory message. Meanwhile, the Swizzle tells people to sign up and for a few hours a day they can make New York a better place. She ends her pitch by making Mayor Jameson a member, giving him his own smiley face mask, one with a mustache drawn on it. Suspicious about SOOPhI, Spider-Man decides to check out their seminar at the nearby library. There he finds everyone watching a video presentation delivered in “5-D”, requiring the audience to wear special 5-D glasses to watch. When Spider-Man approaches Howard and Beverly, everyone sees him as a spider-demon and attacks the web-slinger. Unable to stand the lashes from Beverly’s whip, Spider-Man grabs Howard and retreats.
He finds an empty office elsewhere in the building and pulls off Howard’s ridiculous mask and tries to talk sense into him. Now realizing Howard has been brainwashed, the web-head de-programs him by reminding Howard that he always told the truth, no matter what, and that people mistake his crankiness as the source of his intelligence. However, Spider-Man knows that cranky doesn’t make you intelligent, intelligence does, and this store-bought cynicism that SOOPhI is peddling is not who he is and asks him to come back to being the annoying loose cannon that Spider-Man used to know at least one more time. When this doesn’t work, Spider-Man tells Howard that he is going to go and rescue Beverley next. Hearing Bev’s name is what finally snaps Howard out of the SOOPhI brainwashing.
Blind with rage, Howard is ready to save Beverly. He figures that by this time SOOPhI will be recruiting the most vulnerable out in Times Square. As they head there to stop them, Howard says they need to disconnect their most passive support network — the media. Borrowing Spider-Man’s cell phone, Howard tries calling all the national news desks to try and get them to reveal the truth about SOOPhI. Unfortunately, none of them are willing to listen or want to shill their own agendas. When this fails they move on to plan B: As Spider-Man tells people outside SOOPhI’s headquarters how much he loves the organization, Howard rushes inside to try and save Beverly.
Spider-Man’s promotion of SOOPhI begins trending on social media, prompting Jameson’s aides to try and call the mayor and tell him about this troubling development. Inside the SOOPhI building. There he finds Beverly with the Supreme SOOPhI and tries to convince her that his entire organization is a sham to line his own pockets with money from his followers. Meanwhile, J. Jonah Jameson has just heard about Spider-Man’s endorsement and orders the contract with SOOPhI canceled. In a fit of rage, he then shatters his SOOPhI mask with a hammer. Back at SOOPhI headquarters, Howard manages to get through to Bev and she knees the Supreme SOOPhI in the nuts. That’s when Spider-Man comes crashing in and starts fighting off the Supreme SOOPhI’s loyal goons. Losing followers, the Supreme One decides to flee through his man-sized safe which also acts as a teleporter. Spider-Man, Howard, and Beverly then flee the building and get out just seconds before it explodes.
In the aftermath of the battle, Howard remembers that SOOPhI’s headquarters is located in Florida and if he can have one wish come true, he’s going to hope that they get a visit from one of his friends.[4] At that moment, the remaining members of SOOPhI head to their headquarters, a shack in the middle of the Florida swamps just outside of Gerber County.[5] Watching them file inside is none other than the Man-Thing.
Recurring Characters
Spider-Man, Howard the Duck, Beverly Switzler, S.O.O.Ph.I, J. Jonah Jameson, Glory Grant, Man-Thing
Continuity Notes
Howard the Duck was recruited by the Man-Thing to battle Thog. In the middle of this quest, Howard ended up falling in between dimensions and ended up on Earth-616. See Fear #19, Man-Thing #1.
Howard eventually met Beverely in Howard the Duck #1 and they have been mostly inseparable ever since.
Spider-Man met both Howard and Bev back in Howard the Duck #1.
Beverly states here that Howard had quit smoking cigars. One of the character’s trademarks, going back to his first appearance, was that Howard smoked cigars. The last time he had a cigar was in Howard the Duck (vol. 2) #6. This is a reference to an editorial mandate set by then Marvel editor-in-chief Joe Quesada back in 2001. He banned heroes from smoking in Marvel books (unless it was a Marvel MAX or adult-themed book) Resulting in everyone from Wolverine to Nick Fury dropping the dirty habit. As far as I can tell (January 2021), this policy remains in place ever since even though Quesada is not longer EIC.
Gerber County is a homage to the late Steve Gerber who was the creator of Howard the Duck.
Topical References
Dated pop-culture references: Avatar, Miley Cirus, Teen Choice Awards, Rambo, the 2000 Presidential Election, Larry King, Paris Hilton
Fear and Mister Dayton
Sweetwater Florida, Years Ago[1]
Mister Dayton and his wife Tammy had gotten into an accident and are rushed to the hospital. although he is fine, his wife is going to need some extensive surgery for her injuries. As Tammy is rushed into the operating room, one of the nurses hands him a bundle of Tammy’s clothes and tells him to go into the waiting room until they call.
Sitting in the waiting room, Dayton tries to remember how they got into the accident to begin with. He remembers Tammy was driving when suddenly they saw a giant monster in the road. He then looks around the room and fears that there is something not right with the doctor, and that the hospital looks way too dirty. He then believes that he summoned the monster out onto the road because he hasn’t been the same since he got back from military service in the Middle East.
Suspecting something is not right with this situation, Dayton rushes to the front desk and demands to know how long his wife will be in surgery. He then has a scream coming from the operating room and tries to barge in. A nurse blocks the door and tells him not to come in. Suddenly, Dayton has a flash of memory about the accident. His wife was telling him that he was not good enough for her and then drove into the monster. Thinking the doctors are hurting his wife, Dayton forces his way into the operating room and grabs a scalpel, and begins threatening them with it.
That’s when the Man-Thing comes shambling into the operating room and sensing Dayton’s fear grabs him by the head. Whatever knows fear burns at the Man-Thing’s touch and Dayton is no different. The head surgeon orders the Man-Thing to stop and scolds it for coming into his hospital. He then orders the muck monster to return to the swamp where it came from. Surprisingly, the Man-Thing companies. With Tammy’s surgery complete, the doctor tells them to put her in the room and then prep her husband for surgery for his burns.
Recurring Characters
Man-Thing
Continuity Notes
Per the Marvel Chronology Project, this story takes place between Giant-Size Man-Thing #5 and Marvel Premiere #28. This places it as happening in “year four” of the Modern Age, per the Sliding Timescale of Earth-616.
Topical References
Dayton states specifically that he was stationed in Kabul, suggesting he was involved in the US invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan. This should be considered a topical reference.
