Thing #33 — Nick Peron

Jan 9

Jan 9 Thing #33

Battle of the Sexes!

The Unlimited Class Wrestling Federation has just started a women division and in the first match Titania of the Grapplers is in the ring against the newcomer named Battleaxe. As the two women fight it out, the male members of the group watch as the brawl carries out. During the fight, the Thing asks Dynamite Dunphy how come there are so many fighters with enhanced strength in the league and where they got their powers. Dunphy evades the question by simply stating that they do a lot of weight training before changing the subject to how things with Ben and Sharon are going. Soon Battleaxe wins the fight, to much fanfare although Ben is not convinced that women belong in wrestling. When Battleaxe begins gloating over her victory against Titania, the other woman gets made and attacks her. Recalling how he's clashed with Titania and her fellow Grapplers in the past, Ben climbs into the ring and breaks the two women up. Eventually the other new members of the Grapplers pull Titania away. Later in the dressing room, Poundcakes chastises Titania for being a sore loser, reminding her that they all joined up for the UCWF in order to go straight so they no longer had to work as hired muscle. When everyone takes the same side as Poundcakes, including their manager Aunt Freeze, Titania angrily storms out of the room to hit the showers. As the other members of the Grapplers decide to go back out into the auditorium, Gold Digger tells the others that she is going to stay behind and try to calm Titania down. However when the rest of the women leave the dressing room, Gold Digger pulls a rifle out of her lock intending to end Titania's life for good.

Back outside, the Thing spots Sharon in the crowd and since she has been laying low for a while decides to try and make her jealous by offering to walk Battleaxe to the shower room, brushing off Sharon when she tries to say hello. Meanwhile, in the shower room, Gold Digger confronts Titania and shoots her dead in the shower. As Gold Digger flees the locker room she runs into Ben and Battleaxe and tells them that a man shot Titania. Ben tells Battleaxe to go in and check it out while he looks around. When he comes back empty-handed, he returns to Battleaxe who decides to blame the Thing for Titania's death simply because he is a man. When Battleaxe takes a swipe at the Thing the rest of the Grapplers return to the locker room to see what the commotion is. While Aunt Freeze goes to call the police, Battleaxe convinces the other women to attack Ben, blaming him for Titania's death. Ben tries to fight off the women and the brawl attracts the attention of some of the audience members, including Sharon. Seeing that the Thing is in trouble, she dives into the fray to try and help. Watching this, Aunt Freeze is very impressed by what she sees. Eventually, cooler heads prevail when it is realized that Ben couldn't have possibly killed Titania and they all head out to wait for the police. As everyone is exiting, Aunt Freeze pulls Sharon aside and hands her a business card for the Power Broker, telling her that he can offer her the opportunity to realize the peak of her abilities.

Later at the UCWF's head office, Battleaxe has called a meeting with owner Ed Garner to petition him to allow a match between her and a male wrestler. Initially concerned with her safety, Garner relents and decides to hear out her idea. Later they call in the Thing and ask him if he is interested in going up against Battleaxe. After hearing the proposition, Ben declines not liking the sleazy exploitative aspect of it. He leaves, but Battleaxe is certain she can convince him to fight in the ring. Later that night Ben is out for dinner with Sharon where they discuss Battleaxe's proposition, which Sharon has no objections about seeing as the two are on equal ground in the strength department. When Ben starts complaining about women getting under his skin, she changes the subject and tells him about the Power Broker whom Aunt Freeze recommended. After hearing how the Power Broker promises to increase someone's strength 100 fold. Ben realizes this is how the other members of the UCWF have been getting their augmented strength and begin preaching to Sharon about how unethical undergoing such a process is and forbids her to do it. This leads to an argument between the two ending with Sharon telling Ben that he cannot tell her what she can or can't do, and to punctuate this point, she reveals that she has already called and booked an appointment with the Power Broker already.

Furious, Ben almost loses his temper and trashes the restaurant but manages to get himself under control. He then goes to the nearest payphone and calls Garner to inform him that he will agree to fight Battleaxe. One week later, Ben and Battleaxe go into the ring and the two fight out. However, as the fight progresses the Thing realizes that both combatants are using the fight to take out their frustrations: Battleaxe to vent over the murder of Titania, and Ben over his argument with Sharon. Finding nothing noble in the fight, Ben decides to throw the fight and allows himself to get defeated. Although Battleaxe wins the championship belt, she suspects what Ben did and refuses to accept it, tossing the belt to the ground. With the fight over, Ben decides he should look into who this Power Broker is before Sharon can get into too much trouble.

Recurring Characters

Thing, Dynamite Dunphy, Sharon Ventura, Grapplers (Titania, Poundcakes, Screaming Mimi, Letha, Auntie Freeze, Battleaxe, Gladiatrix, Golddigger), Ed Garner

Continuity Notes

Ben recalls his previous battle against Titania and the original Grapplers when they infiltrated Project PEGASUS back in Marvel Two-In-One #56.

Ben mentions how he and Sharon recently traveled to the tropics, they were there in Thing #31 and returned last issue.

Gold Digger is a member of the Scourges of the Underworld who have been killing super-villains since Iron Man #194. It is revealed in U.S. Agent #4 that they were formed by Thomas Halloway the former World War II hero known as the Angel.