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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Thor (vol. 2) #57

Thor (vol. 2) #57

The Gardner

It is night and the children of Volstagg are excited for story time before they go to bed. Volstagg is also eager to tell the children a wonderful story about their ruler, Lord Thor. But when he opens the book, the children notice that the pages are blank. Volstagg tells them that it is a magic book that will write the story as he tells it. Sure enough, as the girthy member of the Warriors Three begins his tale, the words and images magically appear on the pages.

The story begins by telling the children how Thor became the new ruler of Asgard following the death of the All-Father Odin.[1] Thor then brought Asgard to Midgard where he and his people would devote their time improving the lives of mortals as they were sorely in need of guidance.

Thor’s mission was a humanitarian one, he helped cure hunger and illness. Recently, the mortals at NASA had detected some strange construct that appeared on the surface of the moon. Fearing it might cause harm, they sent word to Thor and asked for his assistance. As this was happening, the construct was launched toward the Earth. It landed in northern Canada where it was revealed to be a massive alien robot. When Thor arrived on the scene, the alien menace — which Volstagg calls the Gardener — had been boring into the Earth with its jeweled staff. When the thunder god demanded to know what the Gardener was doing, its only reply was to unleash a swarm of alien creatures that began attacking him. Thor battled with the monsters for over two hours. Eventually, Thor used the power of Mjolnir to summon a powerful storm that split the heavens.

That’s when one of Volstagg’s children interrupts and asks why Thor didn’t use the Odinpower to stop the Gardener. Volstagg commends the girl for her clever observation, and tells her that is the root of the tale he is telling.

Volstagg continues his tale, by telling the children that the Gardener had left a machine upon the moon which was in the process of ripping the satellite apart, which would in turn destroy Midgard. In fact, that’s what happened in the middle of Thor’s battle with the Gardener. When the moon shattered, the Earth was swept with falling debris from space, terrible earthquakes, and the seas surged with massive tsunamis. Thor could hear the mortals crying out for his aid.

Volstagg digresses from his story and tells the children about how shortly after Odin’s death, Thor had rejected the throne, thinking himself unworthy. He eventually took the throne, but advised his people that he would be a different ruler than his father.[2] To this end Thor was always reluctant to use the Odinpower. Now, facing a crisis of cataclysmic proportions, Thor realizes that he had no choice. Using the power of his father, Thor used it to pull the Gardener to the remains of the moon. There, he used the power to reform the moon and — just as his father sealed Surtur deep inside the Earth — Thor trapped the Gardener in the center of the moon.[3]

The gargantuan task exhausted Lord Thor and when he was done, he collapsed and fell back to Earth. However, he was successful as the moon was restored to the night sky.

Thus concludes Volstagg’s tale, much to the astonishment of the children. However, they are skeptical because the story is a bit too fantastic. When his daughter asks Volstagg if he believes the tale, Volstagg says he does. He then shows them why by going to the nearby bedroom and opening the door. Inside, is Thor, fast asleep in the bed.

Recurring Characters

Thor, Volstagg, Heimdall, Thialfi, Enchantress

Continuity Notes

  1. Odin kicked the bucket in Thor (vol. 2) #40 while fighting Surtur. He’ll remain among the dead until Thor #618.

  2. For more on Thor’s reluctance to take the throne see Thor (vol. 2) #41-44.

  3. Odin sealing Surtur deep within the Earth is part of Norse mythology. Versions of this tale have been said to have happened in the Marvel Universe. The first depiction of this tale was seen in Journey into Mystery #97.

Thor (vol. 2) #56

Thor (vol. 2) #56

Thor (vol. 2) #58

Thor (vol. 2) #58