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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Thor (vol. 2) #59

Thor (vol. 2) #59

The Substance of Things Hoped For

New York City, 23 Years From Now[1]

At the Oakhaven homeless shelter, an elderly man begins ranting and raving about Ragnarok and claiming that he is really Thor, the god of thunder. When he starts getting physical, two of the staff try to get him back under control. The old man has some fight in him and the administrator — a man they call the Colonel — orders his men to get him under control, pointing out that the man in question is 73 years old. The old man accuses the Colonel of being Loki, the trickster god and half-brother of Thor.

When the Colonel looks over his shoulder he catches DJ, a homeless boy, stuffing his jacket with food. The Colonel tells the boy that stealing is depriving 39 blocks worth of needy people and the shelter is already overbudget with no money coming in from the city. When he tries to catch DJ, the young man sprays a juice box in the Colonel’s face. DJ then climbs out the nearby window and leaps onto a passing subway train.

DJ climbs onto the exterior of the final car and falls asleep. When DJ wakes up it is pitch black so he strikes a match to see where he has ended up. That’s when he sees that somebody stole his sneakers while he was dozing and curses his carelessness. The light reveals that he is in an old subway tunnel and begins trying to find a way out. Stumbling around in the gloom, until he trips over a dead body. Getting a closer look, DJ discovers that this is actually some kind elf or troll or something. After checking the dead elfs’s pockets for valuables the boy then notices that it is laying next to something big. This turns out to be a hammer with the inscription “Whomsoever holds this hammer, if he be worth, shall possess the power of Thor.” DJ tries to lift the hammer, but it will not budge.

Taking the dead elf’s shoes, DJ heads to the local library to tell his friend Maxi what he has discovered. By this time, he has convinced himself that the crazy old man at Oakhaven is really Thor. Maxi doesn’t buy it and uses one of the library computers to pull up a picture of Thor from back in the day. When DJ gets a look at Mjolnir, he says that it looks exactly like the hammer he found in the subway tunnel. Maxi refuses to believe it, telling him that the gods are all dead and gone because they stopped believing in them. DJ, on the other hand, is unconvinced given everything he encountered and decides to go looking for the old man.

He goes back to Oakhaven and finds no trace of the old guy so he decides to ask the Colonel what happened to him. The Colonel says the old man is out of his mind and was sent off to Bellevue for psychiatric treatment but he managed to escape. When DJ mentions makes casual mention of the hammer he found, the Colonel instantly knows he is talking about Mjolnir and demands to know where he found it. Seeing how obsessed the Colonel is over this, DJ refuses to reveal its true location. The Colonel then dismisses the whole thing and tells the kid to take his delusions and get lost in Hoboken.

This convinces DJ that there is some truth to what he thinks and so he and Maxi begin looking for where this old man might be. Maxi figures that someplace that would remind Thor of Asgard. The two decide that the closest place like that in New York City is Roosevelt Island and take the tramway to get there. Sure enough, they find the old man sitting on a park bench that gives a full view of the city. DJ convinces the old man that he found Mjolnir and agrees to follow them. That’s when they are caught by the Colonel and his men, who have come to bring the old man back to Bellevue. Not willing to surrender, the old man surprises them all by lifting the park bench and throwing it on the Colonel. He then fights his way through four goons the Colonel brought with him.

DJ then leads Maxi and the old man back down into the abandoned subway tunnel where the dead elf and Mjolnir are resting. However, when the old man tries to lift the enchanted hammer he cannot make it budge. That’s when the Colonel and his men catch up and this time they are armed with tranquilizer guns. Despite being dosed with a strong sedative called noxipropene, the old man still has a lot of fight in him. That’s when a subway comes barreling down the tunnel, threatening to run down DJ and the Colonel. Seeing the boy in danger, the old man races to Mjolnir. This time he is able to lift the enchanted weapon and toss it at the break signal, activating it, making the subway train stop mere inches away from collision.

With the hammer now imbedded in the wall of the tunnel, the old man tries to pull it free, but discovers it will not move anymore. That’s when a woman and her son arrive, she refers to the old man as her father. The old man remembers the boy, who is named Fandral. As the old man starts to feel the effects of the sedative, DJ asks why he has to go to Bellevue after he just saved them all. The Colonel explains that they are trying to help him. The old man isn’t Thor, but a retired postal worker who is suffering from dementia. When DJ asks about the hammer, the Colonel says that it is a replica that was once sold at Heroes World. It imitated Mjolnir’s inability to be lifted by the unworthy by using powerful mag-locks. He believes the CPU inside that control the locks is broken hence its flaky performance.

However, this doesn’t convince DJ, who is convinced that this is really Thor’s hammer. While Harry Wilson might now have been Thor, the genuine article might come looking for Mjolnir one day. DJ decides that he is going to wait next to it just like the elf did, figuring that his belief in Thor will make him come back. Seeing that they can’t convince him otherwise, Maxi and the Colonel leave DJ to his lonely vigil.[2]

Continuity Notes

  1. Per Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe A-Z #2, this story takes place in Reality-3459.

  2. As of this writing (June, 2023) this story has not been revisited so the fate of DJ and if Thor ever comes back has yet to be revealed. That said, Official Index to the Marvel Universe: Thor confirms that Harry Wilson and the Colonel are not Thor and Loki. One could assume that the Colonel was just fucking with DJ when he was acting interested in Mjolnir, he seems like a dick and that’s what a dick would do. If you’re wondering how Wilson could have lifted Mjolnir briefly if he wasn’t Thor, others have been shown to momentarily be able to lift Thor in times of danger and the desire to save lives momentarily makes them worthy. The most famous example of this is when Captain America briefly held Thor’s hammer in Thor #390.

Topical References

  • This story is stated as happening in the year 2026. At the time of this writing that is 3 years away and we still don’t have flying cars. As such the date should be considered topical. Instead, modern readers should view this story as happening roughly 23 years in the future of the Modern Age rather than a specific date.

  • One of the billboards in New York City is for Truth, an anti-smoking campaign that was in full swing at the time of this story. It was an awareness campaign that sought to steer kids away from cigarettes run by the Truth Initiative. Its depiction here should be considered topical as this is a real world non-profit organization.

  • When talking about Harry Wilson’s strength, the Colonel says he is like “Jack Palance on steroids.” Jack Pelance was a character actor who was usually cast in the role of rought and tumble characters or villains. If your my age, you’ll probably best remember him from his role in the City Slickers movies that starred comedian Billy Crystal. That said, Palance died in 2006. The reference to him here should be considered topical because I just had to explain to you who he was. Someone in “2026” would likely use a more contemporary example.

Thor (vol. 2) #58

Thor (vol. 2) #58

Thor (vol. 2) #60

Thor (vol. 2) #60