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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Web of Spider-Man (vol. 2) #7

Web of Spider-Man (vol. 2) #7

Bride of the Hunter

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Paris, Some Time Ago[1]

At the Roskolov Estate outside of Paris, Sergei Kravinoff is entertaining his fellow Russian aristocrats with stories about his famous hunting expeditions. He is in the middle of a story about his battle with the yeti of Nepal when suddenly a woman throws her drink in his face. This woman is Aleksandra Nikolaevna, who is upset that Kravinoff would hunt down and kill endangered species. Seeing that she has angered Sergei, she realizes that she might have had too much to drink and decides to leave.

Growing a smile on his face, Sergei tells the others that another hunt is now afoot and gives Aleksandra chase. He catches up to her in a hedge maze. He easily catches her by the scent of her expensive perfume, telling her that he could track her through a fish market while wearing a blindfold. He recognizes Aleksandra, remembering her father was once the Grand Duke of Russia. She remarks that they were all a lot of things because the Bolsheviks removed the aristocracy. Kravinoff understands what she is saying between the lines, that Sergei Kravinoff is nothing more than a savage. He tells her that she is misjudging him, thinking about his time in the Savage Land, he tells her that he has seen true savagery He tells her that if he could meet either Lenin or Stalin he would kneel before them and kiss their feat for throwing them out of Russia. He tells her that he came to realize this on his expedition to Antarctica and what he saw there. Thinking of how he slew a dinosaur and clashed with the natives of the Savage Land, he tells her that he doesn’t hunt with a rifle but with stone and wood, and his very muscles. He tells her that he and his fellow aristocrats shouldn’t cling to the past but move forward to the future. Thinking back to how his fight with the natives turned into a fight with them when they were attacked by more prehistoric creatures, he tells her that when he goes out on a hunt all other desires fall away until there is nothing left but the hunt itself. Hearing all of this, leaves Aleksandra wondering what sort of pain he must suffer that requires him to drown in such a way.

That’s when one of the maids comes rushing out to tell Sergei that there is something wrong with his mother. There he finds his mother bloody after fighting two of the other guests who were trying to stop her from taking off her clothes to swim in the fountain. Furious, the elderly Kravinoff tells them that her family had served the Czar of Russia for six generations, telling them that her family name means absolute respect. Nikolaevna is shocked by this scene and Sergei quietly tells her that his mother has these sorts of fits after every few months and that people think she has gone insane. Concerned Aleksandra asks if Sergei needs any help getting her mother home and expresses interest in continuing her conversation. Sergei admits he hopes they can meet again at his hotel once things have settled and hands her a key. As he leaves, she tells Sergei that he can call her Sasha.

The next morning, Aleksandra leaves the bed that she and Sergei shared together and returns to her father, telling him that his reverse-psychology worked. This pleases her father another aging aristocrat. Confined to a wheelchair and needing an oxygen tank to breath, Aleksandra’s father is proud of his daughter using her skills to get into bed with Sergei Kravinoff, as his family is the only one of the Russian aristocracy that still has money left. She takes her father on his daily walk but as they pass by an open elevator shaft, she shove her father over. As he falls to his death his final words are asking why his daughter would do this. As he hits the ground, Sasha apologizes to her father, saying that she had to get rid of him because he was a dusty old relic of the old life and she doesn’t feel like sharing her kill. Not long after this ,Aleksandra Nikolaevna is married to Sergei Kravinoff.

Recurring Characters

Kraven the Hunter, Sasha Kravinoff

Continuity Notes

  1. This story specifically states “decades ago”, however, Kraven the Hunter’s past is rooted in the Russian Revolution of the early 20th Century. Part of the Russian aristocracy Kraven’s family was ultimately forced to leave the country. While Kraven and Sasha Kravinoff have the means to slow their aging process, this story takes place at the end of the lifespan of someone that lived in the early 20th century, as evident by all the elderly family members present in this story. As such, the phrase “decades ago” should be considered a topical reference as the Sliding Timescale pushes the Modern Age forward, it lengthens the gap between this story and the Modern Age.

Fashion Spread

The villain known as Paper Doll continues to have her obsession over actor Bobby Carr, knowing deep in her heart that she and the Hollywood star will become a couple. However, she blames Mary Jane Watson for keeping them apart as the couple used to date and intends to eliminate her at a charity fashion show that Mary Jane is hosting.[1] At that same moment, at the offices of the Front Line, Ben Urich is assigning Peter Parker to cover the charity event. When Peter admits that he is reluctant to take the assignment, Ben insists that the Front Line needs better art coverage. His co-worker, Norah Winters, points out that Peter is probably having cold feet because his ex-girlfriend is hosting the event.[2]

Peter is nervous the whole way there, but reminds himself that he has been to enough fashion shows when he and Mary Jane were together and that he can handle this one. After making his way through the massive crowd, Peter spots Mary Jane on stage as the show begins. She is able to throw the crowd into a frenzy as she showcases a number of fashions that were inspired by the city of New York. Looking at Mary Jane through the lens of his camera, Peter remarks how she looks gorgeous as usual. However, the festivities are interrupted when Paper Doll arrives to attack Mary Jane, accusing her of breaking Bobby Carr’s heart and ruining his life.

Without a moments hesitation, Peter retreats to somewhere private so he can change into Spider-Man. In the meantime, one of the security guards arrives on the scene and attempts to shoot Paper Doll. However, her two-dimensional form is easily able to evade the gunshots and she wraps herself around the guard and absorbs his energies leaving him a flattened husk. As Spider-Man risks his life to stop Paper Doll, Mary Jane decides to do something to help. Grabbing a nearby camera, she uses the flash to temporarily blind Paper Doll long enough for Spider-Man to wrap her up in webbing. There is an awkward moment of silence between Peter and Mary Jane before the photographers take photos in the wall-crawler in a frenzy. Thinking that this was all part of the show, they think that Spider-Man’s shredded costume is the latest fashion tend. The following day, Spider-Man ends up on the front page of the fashion section and has inspired a new trend in shredded clothing.

Recurring Characters

Spider-Man, Paper Doll, Mary Jane Watson, Ben Urich, Norah Winters

Continuity Notes

  1. Piper Dali’s obsession over Bobby Carr was chronicled in Amazing Spider-Man #559-561. Mary Jane dated Bobby Carr. At the time of this story, Mary Jane had just recently broken up with Bobby Carr in Amazing Spider-Man #600 after discovering that he was using Mutant Growth Hormone to bulk up for a role in an upcoming Captain America movie.

  2. Peter and Mary Jane had been in a relationship for years until they recently broke up following the events of Amazing Spider-Man #545. The details of their brake-up are covered in Amazing Spider-Man #601-605.

Web of Spider-Man (vol. 2) #6

Web of Spider-Man (vol. 2) #6

Web of Spider-Man (vol. 2) #8

Web of Spider-Man (vol. 2) #8