Spider-Man's Tangled Web #19
Call of the Wild
Released after a long stretch in prison, the Grizzly decides to go to a local Internet cafe to cruise dating websites in the hopes of finding romance. He recalls how he was released from prison and the only possession he had to call his own was his old Grizzly costume is very ratty and stank of cheap booze and cigarettes as the prison guards borrowed it for parties. This time the Grizzly became devoted to reforming, taking all the necessary rehabilitation courses that were conditions of his parole. His parole officer also managed to get him an apartment and now that he was received his first welfare cheque he intends to go out and buy some real clothes. One night, while doing some cleaning, the Grizzly hears someone making a lot of noise in his apartment and he decides to go out and tell whoever is responsible to keep it down. In the hallway, the Grizzly discovers that his neighbor across the hall is none other than Rhino who is making noise because he is trying to remove a trash can that is stuck on his foot.
The Rhino is glad to see the Grizzly and figures the two of them will raise hell together and offer his neighbor a drink. The Grizzly refuses, telling the Rhino that he is legitimately going straight and doesn’t want to engage in any activity that will violate his parole. The Rhino takes this to mean that the Grizzly wants to keep a low profile and goes back into his apartment. The Grizzly then realizes he has accidentally locked himself out of his apartment. He is forced to rip the door off the hinges and figures the repairs will eat most of his welfare cheque, scrapping his plans to buy new clothes.
The next day, the Grizzly has no messages on his dating profile so he goes to the local diner. There he discovers that all the steaks have been bought up by the Rhino and the only thing available are prawn cocktails. The Grizzly then tries looking for a job. He first tries a construction site, telling the foreman that his exoskeleton gives him the strength of twelve men. Unfortunately, this isn’t the sell feature he hoped it would be as the foreman as he already filled all the openings. As it turns out, he gave the job to the Rhino who then accidentally tears down the building. Being stymied by the Rhino yet again begins really testing the Grizzly’s ability to manage his anger.
The next day, the Grizzly finds himself at a fertility clinic to make some quick cash and discovers that the Rhino also goes here as well. When the Rhino asks the Grizzly what he is doing there, the Grizzly sarcastically says he’s trying to get pregnant. That’s when the attendant comes to tell the Rhino his room is ready and then asks the Grizzly if he minds using the same room after the Rhino is done with it, as they are overbooked for the day. She then hands the Gizzly a bunch of wildlife magazines, causing him to once more struggle to keep his anger in check.
That evening, the Grizzly goes to the Bar With No Name to think about what to do with his life. When he goes to the washroom, he is annoyed when the person in the stall next to him reaches under the partition to grab that last of the toilet paper in the Grizzly’s stall. Confronting the person in the next stall, the Grizzly is furious to discover that it is the Rhino and completely loses his shit. The two come to blows and their fight sends them crashing out into the street. Their battle is interrupted with Spider-Man who quickly stops the two combatants and leaving them webbed up to a lamp post. Remembering that it takes hours for Spider-Man’s webbing to dissolve, the Grizzly and Rhino endure the jokes coming from the other patrons at the Bar With No Name. While they wait for the webbing to dissolve, the Rhino and Grizzly actually find they have something in common, that they both feel like life is passing them by as they struggle to find their place in it. When the Rhino promises to catch the Grizzly when his webbing dissolves, he decides to accept the Rhino’s offer to have a house warming party.
The next day, the Grizzly finally gets a message on his dating profile from someone calling themselves Honey Bunch and agrees to meet his potential date on a rooftop. That evening, the Rhino also arrives waiting for a date as well and the pair get to talking. The Grizzly entertains the Rhino with stories about his days as a professional wrestler and the pair eventually decide that their mutual dates have stood them up and call it a night. Still, the Grizzly continues to chat with Honey Bunch and he agrees to meet them at the local zoo. He mistakes an attractive woman in a red dress for his date until she runs away from him screaming when he approaches. He then fears that a large fat woman is his date and hides in some bushes when another patron sees him hiding she thinks it is an escaped bear and warns one of the zoo attendants. They shoot the Grizzly with a tranquilizer gun, knocking him out and making him miss his meeting with the illusive Honey Bunch. They then agree to meet for one more date and the Grizzly goes to their meeting place, a fountain in the park. There he notices that Honey Bunch had left him a trail of honey jars to follow. This leads to a large tree and the Grizzly closes his eyes and leaps behind it to kiss his date. When he both opens his eyes he discovers that “Honey Bunch” is none of the Rhino. Having closed his eyes for a kiss as well, the Rhino is equally surprised to discover that he had been romancing the Grizzly.
Realizing that they both have hit rock bottom, the Grizzly and Rhino decide to go straight… back into crime.
Recurring Characters
Grizzly, Rhino, Spider-Man, Whirlwind, Tombstone, Doctor Octopus
Topical References
The computers in the Internet Cafe are old PCs that use CRT monitors. This should be considered a topical reference as these styles of computers are positively ancient.
The Grizzly says that he wants to be the first man to become pregnant. This should be considered a topical reference as this feat has been accomplished in real life by Thomas Beatie in 2002. Beatie is a trans male who underwent gender reassignment surgery to become a man was still able to get pregnant.
The Grizzly states that he was a wrestler in the WWF, aka the World Wrestling Federation. The WWF was a professional wrestling organization that was one of the biggest and well known professional wrestling organizations. The organization later had to change its name in 2002 to the World Wrestling Entertainment or WWE for short after losing a legal battle for ownership of the WWF trademark to the World Wildlife Foundation. Personally, I think the two organizations should have merged together. I would pay good money to see Brock Lesnar hit a panda bear over the head with a folding chair, but that’s just me.
