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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Thunderbolts: Desperate Measures #1

Thunderbolts: Desperate Measures #1

Desperate Measures

After the Thunderbolts completed a mission to take in a unregistered superhuman named Gorilla Girl, Norman Osborn calls a meeting with Penance (Robbie Baldwin) over his performance.[1][2] Osborn is unhappy that it took Baldwin getting ambushed before he took Gorilla Girl down. He tells Robbie that he is a results orientated employer. To demonstrate this, Norman shows off a device that allows him to hack into any video camera in the world. It personally cost Norman millions of dollars, but he paid that expense because it helps him do his job. Robbie is uninterested in hearing this criticism and repeatedly asks if he can go.

When Norman dismisses Baldwin he is furious. He then calls his secretary and begins dictating a letter to send to the Commission on Superhuman Activities to request Penance be kicked off the team. Miss Thompson reminds him that he can’t make that request because Penance is here voluntarily as part of therapy. She also shoots down his plan to kill Baldwin, because — again — he’s not under nanite control like the others.[3] Annoyed by this, Norman decides to scrap the letter and then asks for the recent list of candidates for apprehension. After a quick scan of the names, Norman hits on one that will be perfect for his plans.

Meanwhile, in Houston, Texas, the vigilante known as Americop (Bart Gallows) has just busted a drug dealer who has been selling PCP laced cocaine to school children. Having tied the dope peddler to a chair, Americop ignores his offers to rat out his boss. Considering himself judge, jury, and executioner — willing to do farther than real police officers — Americop connects some wires to his battle armor and channels electricity through it to fry the drug dealer. He then leaves the dead body to be found as a message to other criminals in the area.

Back at Thunderbolts Headquarters, Norman Osborn pays a visit to Bullseye who is shackled in his holding cell. Bullseye is painting a very vivid picture of how he would kill Norman with a golf club. Osborn entertains this long enough to get the assassin talking about his feelings toward his teammates. Much to his pleasure, Norman learns how Bullseye hates them all and would kill any one of them without hesitation. Norman then tells Bullseye that he will be the point man on their next mission and begins telling him his plan, assuring the killer that he’ll get a real kick out of it.

Outside the cell, Radioactive Man (Chen Lu) is demanding to know where Norman is, saying he wants to call the Chinese consulate right away. Miss Thompson assures him that Norman will be available soon. That’s when the man himself emerges from Bullseye’s cell. Both Chen and Miss Thomson are disturbed to hear Bullseye cackling like a madman over what Osborn just told him.

Their target is the Americop, and after a quick briefing on their target, the Thunderbolts are sent out in the field. Radioactive Man, Songbird (Melissa Gold), and Swordsman (Andreas Von Strucker) are ordered to merely observe and track their opponent.

While Norman watches the mission remotely, he is visited by Moonstone (Karla Sofen) who is furious that she has been pulled from the mission as she is the team leader. Norman assures her that putting Bullseye in charge of this mission is important. More over, he says he couldn’t have sent Karla in because she wouldn’t have followed orders.

It’s at that moment that Bullseye is deployed with Penance. They race onto the scene on a motorcycle that has been rendered invisible with a cloaking device since Bullseye cannot be publicly seen. He tells Penance that he’s in charge and to follow orders, sarcastically calling Penance “chatty” because he doesn’t say much. When they get close to Americop’s armored vehicle, Bullseye sets the motorcycle on a collision course and bails out, much to the surprise of Penance. When the bike smashes into the armed vehicle, forcing Americop to bail out.

When Americop powers up his combat armor, he is too strong for Bullseye and Penance to handle alone. When Radioactive Man offers to lend an assist, Norman tells them to stand by and not interfere. Realizing that they are out gunned, Bullseye grabs Baldwin and ducks into a nearby warehouse. There, Bullseye — frustraited with Robbie’s hesitant actions — begins beating on him in order to build up his pain-based bio-electric attacks. The build up is so much that when Penance finally unleashes his blast he completely wrecks Americop’s ride and fries his armor, incapacitating him. Despite this, Bullseye is still giving him a drubbing until Osborn activates the nanochain in his body to incapacitate him.

When the Thunderbolts return from the field, Norman has another meeting with Robbie in his office. He is pleased that Americop was taken down, noting that the vigilante had 85% of his synapses fried by Robbie’s powers.[4] Annoyed at how he was used on this mission, Robbie decides to push back. He uses his powers to first blow out all the TV monitors in the office, then breaks Norman’s million dollar spying device before storming out of the office. Seeing smoke pouring out of her boss’ office, Miss Thompson runs in to make sure everything is all right. Inside, she finds a very pleased Norman Osborn who tells her to take a memo down regarding Baldwin that simply reads “beginning to show potential.”

Recurring Characters

Thunderbolts (Norman Osborn, Songbird, Moonstone, Radioactive Man, Swordsman, Venom, Penance, Bullseye), Americop, Gorilla Girl

Continuity Notes

  1. This story takes place after the passage of the Super Human Registration Act (SHRA), in Civil War #1. It requires all superhumans to register with the government or be considered outlaws. The Thunderbolts have been charged with apprehending those opposing registration since Thunderbolts #110. This law will remain in place until Siege #4.

  2. Following her defeat and capture here, Gorilla Girl signs the SHRA and is sent to Camp Hammond for training, as we’ll see in Avengers: The Initiative #13.

  3. Penance, aka Robbie Baldwin, aka Speedball, is the fall guy for the Stamford Disaster in Civil War #1, the inciting incident that led to the SHRA getting passed. After being demonized by the public and media, railroaded by the law, being disowned by his family, and nearly dying multiple times, Robbie decided to take ownership for what happened and became Penance. See Civil War: Front Line #1-10.

  4. After this story, it is reported that Americop was “killed in the line of duty” as per Captain America: Sam Wilson #12. This has yet to be independently verified time of this writing (November, 2023).

Topical References

  • Norman Osborn says that his spying device cost 16 million dollars to develop. Adjusting for inflation, this would be equivalent to over 23 million in 2023.

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