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Nick Peron

Welcome to the website of comedian Nick Peron. It is the ground zero of his comedic writing.

Thunderbolts #65

Thunderbolts #65

Becoming Heroes, Part 1: Moving Targets

Hawkeye (Clint) is writing a letter explaining his recent exploits. He tells how he and his allies — Songbird (Melissa Gold) and Plantman (Sam Smithers) — were in the middle of a battle with the new Masters of Evil, which includes Cardinal (Donald Clendenon), Man-Killer (Katrina Van Horn), Gypsy Moth (Sybil Dvorak), and Cyclone (Pierre Fresson).

He sidetracks from talking of the events to answer the question: why does he continue to do what he does? He admits that he doesn’t know why and that his life has been a series of risks. That’s how he went from a carnival bowman, to wanted criminal, to a member of the Avengers, leading his own team, then quitting the Avengers to help the lead the Thunderbolts to redemption, which led to going to jail to help SHIELD find out what why some crooks wanted to break out of Seagate Prison.[1]

He then jumps back to an earlier part of the story that he was in the middle of telling. After uncovering that the escaped convicts were after the secret data of the late Justin Hammer. However, they didn’t know all the details of this data. So they followed the criminal named Cyclone all the way to Paris, France for answers. When they finally catch up with the villain, the trio work together to put him down. Hawkeye’s arrows are useless against the fast moving Cyclone, so Songbird is able to contain him in a solid sound sphere long enough for Plantman to incapacitate Fresson with mold spores. They then force Cyclone to take them to the property that Justin Hammer owned in France.[2]

Rather than go in through the front door, they tunneled from underground to get inside. Once they burst up through the floor the group found themselves surrounded by the Masters of Evil, leading to the battle that Clint was recounting at the start of his letter. The Masters quickly overpower the trio, incapacitating both Songbird and Hawkeye so they can escape with who they came for, the Plantman.[3] After the villains have fled, Hawkeye digs himself out from under fallen rubble and frees Songbird. When she questions his leadership, he admits to her that he’s been out of practice.

The Masters of Evil take Plantman back to their ship where he is examined by their teammate the robotic Machinesmith (Samuel Saxon). The Machinesmith examines Smithers and is surprised to learn that over 40% of his body has been converted into plant matter, part of an ongoing transformation.[4] They know they need Smithers in order to get at whatever Justing Hammer had left behind, but they still don’t know why. The Machinesmith, who takes pleasure in examining Sam, assures the others that he will be able to find out soon enough. Seconds later, the Machinesmith’s body is blown to pieces by Songbird, who managed to catch up to the Masters along with Hawkeye. While they are busy dealing with the other Masters of Evil, Machinesmith manages to escape by transferring his consciousness out of his ruined mechanical body through an electrical outlet on the wall.

With the battle quickly over, Hawkeye then asks the Masters of Evil to join forces with them. When Man-Killer asks why they would do that, Clint tells them that every villain who has worked for Justin Hammer has been a bio-weapon that can kill them with the push of a button. He proves this by showing them a combination of data they were able to collect. He points out that the reason why the Crimson Cowl recruited them was so that she could take control of this kill switch and enslave them all. Hearing all this, most of the Masters agree to join up with Hawkeye, all except for Cyclone who refuses. Clint then fire an arrow at his face, but it is stopped inches away from Pierre’s face thanks to a solid sound shield thrown up by Songbird. This causes the cowardly Cyclone to agree to join up with them. As Clint storms off, Melissa asks if he knew that she would throw up a shield. The look she throws her suggests he didn’t actually care one way or another, and that he was willing to kill Cyclone to prevent him from interfering their plans.

As his new allies prepare for the next leg of their mission, Hawkeye writes out his letter (written to Karla Sofen, aka Moonstone).[5] His final thoughts about why he is doing all of this, is because he wants to help this new band of criminals save their own souls. When Melissa comes to tell him that they’re ready to go, Clint folds up the completed letter and tosses it into the fireplace to be burned.

Recurring Characters

Thunderbolts (Hawkeye, Songbird, Plantman), Masters of Evil (Man-Killer, Cyclone, Cardinal, Gypsy Moth, Machinesmith)

Continuity Notes

  1. This opening bit pretty much runs down a playlist of Hawkeye’s greatest hits. Here are the details:

    • Before becoming Hawkeye, Clint was a professional archer working for a carnival, a fact that was first explored in Avengers #19.

    • When he first became Hawkeye, Clint was accused of a crime he did not commit and for a brief period was a costumed criminal, as seen in Tales of Suspense #57.

    • However, Clint sought to reform his criminal ways and convinced the Avengers to let him join the group and redeem himself, as seen in Avengers #16. He has been a long standing member of the team ever since.

    • Later on, Hawkeye was tasked with forming a new team of Avengers on the West Coast in Avengers #243. He led the group from West Coast Avengers #1 until (vol.2) #45 of that series.

    • More recently, Hawkeye left the Avengers again (in Avengers (vol. 3) #9) to help the Thunderbolts reform. He joined that team in Thunderbolts #21.

    • Eventually, Hawkeye was able to convince the government to pardon the Thunderbolts in Thunderbolts #50. However, Hawkeye had to go to prison himself in exchange for this deal.

    • There he was contacted by Dum Dum Dugan in issue #51. He helped Mentallo and other criminals bust out of prison in Thunderbolts #58. Last issue he learned that Mentallo was after the secret data of the late Justin Hammer which pointed the location of some unknown danger. We’ll learn what that is in Thunderbolts #73-74.

  2. Here Cyclone mentions how Hammer had employed many supervillains to do his dirty work. This has been the case since Iron Man #120. At the time of this story, Hammer recently died, as seen in Iron Man: Bad Blood #4. As of this writing (September, 2023) he is still considered among the deceased.

  3. Here, Cardinal is obsessed with trying to kill Hawkeye. This is because he blames Clint for the death of his daughter, Valerie Burnhardt (aka Meteorite) who was killed during a battle with Graviton (Frank Hall) in Thunderbolts #56. This is because Clint’s plan to redeem the Thunderbolts inspired the government to form the Redeemers, a similar team that Valerie was a part of, as will be explain in issue #67.

  4. This metamorphosis began in Thunderbolts #61 when Smithers almost had his arm chewed off by Cottonmouth and he used plant matter to stitch up his wounds.

  5. At the time of this story, Hawkeye believes that Moonstone and the rest of the Thunderbolts were killed in the battle with Graviton in issue #58. However, they have been stranded on Counter-Earth since issue #59. Everyone will be reunited again in Thunderbolts #74.

Topical References

  • The term “Gypsy” is now considered a pejorative term describing the Romani people. However, as this is the name of a character we can’t exactly change it, for better or for worse. Don’t worry, she gets a new, non-offensive name soon.

  • Justin Hammer’s secrets are depicted as being kept on a compact disc of some kind. At the time of this story, a common method of data storage was either on CD or DVD. While this technology still exists as I write this, it has fallen out of common use due to better methods of data storage becoming available. As this is a technology that is on its way to obsolescence, its depiction here should be considered a topical reference.

  • Speaking of obsolete technology, Hawkeye shows the Masters of Evil the data on the disc with a computer that has a disc reading drive and a CRT monitor. CRT monitors are now considered obsolete, while optical drives that read discs are becoming less common on computers due to the proliferation of digital content. As such, the depiction of this computer should be considered topical.

Thunderbolts #64

Thunderbolts #64

Thunderbolts #66

Thunderbolts #66